The First Date Where I’ve Been Told “You Fucking Rock!”
November 25, 2005
It started innocently enough. We had planned to go see Neverending White Lights with my brother and his girlfriend. Not to be vague (for safety’s sake), but “Girlfriend” is related to a band member and I fell in love with this band the first time I heard “The Grace.” We were all really excited to see them live and of course, see our fave band member in action. Well “Girlfriend” calls me an hour before we’re set to go over to their place for dinner and says that NWL isn’t going to play until 12. Midnight. MIDNIGHT? What the fuck is that about! I wasn’t happy. We had booked a new sitter and she’s due to arrive any minute. Great. Big D suggests we go out anyway and the outlook brightens. “Like a date? A real date?” We are SO overdue…
So I agree and we decide to go have dinner and see a movie. I’m not a fan of going to the movies at the theatre, but we’re sans kids and what the hell else are we going to do. So we’re driving along and I say, in my sweetest voice, “Can we skip the movie, and go Christmas shopping?” Well that is what I meant, but in an effort to stay cryptic and of the female species, I actually said,
“Honey, do you know what I like more than movies?”
Blank stare.
“Okay well I was thinking that we have some extra money and we really should get some stuff done.”
“Like run errands?”
“Yeah! But not just errands, errands without SPAWN! We can actually touch merchandise, listen to each other speak and pick out Christmas gifts without the 4th realm of hell opening up and swallowing us.”
“the 4th realm of hell?”
“You know, the little one.”
“Ohhhh.” He smirks.
“You can pick the restaurant,” trying to empower him to say yes to Christmas shopping.
“I already did.”
“You did? Where are we going?”
“A place with beer and many t.v.’s. With sports on them. And Stu is there.”
“Stu is there?”
“Stu. You know Stu.”
“I know Stu. I didn’t know Stu was coming on our date.”
“Well the Dallas Cowboys are playing.”
“Okay. Let’s go.”
His eyes grow wide and his glance falls to me, back to the road and back to me again, “REALLY?” He is looking ahead at the road, grinning like a freak.
“Yeah. I like Stu.”
“You rock.”
So we get to the bar and as soon as we walk in, Stu waves us over and we sit down. Within seconds there is a woman with a Ziploc bag full of money telling us they have a turkey dinner buffet set up in honour of our American neighbours Thanksgiving and for FIVE BUCKS, we can eat and be thrown into a draw for prizes.
The meal was really good! The funniest thing was going up to the buffet with Stu and him asking for them to load him up with turkey skin. “It’s the best part!” he exclaimed. Yeah okay Stu. A heart attack is the best part of any Thanksgiving dinner. FER SURE.
“That reminds me of when Joey from Friends eats just the skin from Kentucky Fried Chicken,” we all laughed and joked that they could sell it, like everything else, using sex. Pan down the curve of a naked woman’s body and have the voice over talk about how much everyone loves skin…..blech. (Can’t wait to see the search engine results on this entry - Gawd there are pervs out there….)
During dinner the bar staff are calling out numbers of tickets. T-shirts and gold towels are handed out and then I hear a guy say “Ninety-nine!”
“Hey that’s me!” I jump up and as I’m walking to the bar, I hear “A GIRL won it? GREAT!” Oh God, what the hell did I win?
Turns out I won the Grand Prize:
When Big D finds out, he gives me a high five (a high five? yeah, he totally did), and yells, “YOU FUCKING ROCK!” Um, okay, can I go Christmas shopping now?
So I leave to go shopping and let the boys have their night. So I take off from the bar, and call Big D’s Grandma. It’s only 7 p.m. at this point, so I figure my pro-shopper buddy and I have lots of time. Well lemme tell you about Big D’s Grandma. She is so cool, she was cool before cool existed. We had a blast together and after I dropped her off once the malls had closed, I went to pick up a Tipsy Big D and his new Big Ass Tool Chest.
I SO FUCKING ROCK. Big D said so.
This morning after he had left for work, Big D called me on his cell and says, “That was fun. We should do that more often.”
“Have dates?”
“Yeah. I had a great time.”
“Well I guess we have an open marriage then. You are free to date Stu and I am free to date your Grandmother.”
“Ummmmm…ew.”
November 26th, 2005 at 10:49 am
LMAO! This is the funniest date. Daren is too funny! and you…yes..you totally rock! Hope you got lots of shopping done!!
Love ya!
Nicole