Make the Yule-tide Gay
November 30, 2005
I know I’ve been preaching to people about how they shouldn’t get all worked up about Christmas and my general mantra (look up) this year has been, “Let your heart be light.” Sure, it’s a great message to send to stressed out shoppers, people looking to make Christmas a picture-perfect holiday, and friends who are popping anti-anxiety pills like candy in hopes they will make it through another 3 1/2 weeks of this torture.
I know I should also follow my own advice. But something has been weighing heavily on my mind.
The Christmas Tree.
This year we have an unfinished family room, so all life has been upstairs in the dining room and living room. This year the computer desk is jammed into this small space, that is made smaller by our enormous sectional couch and monsterously huge dining room table.
This year, we have Troll Baby.
Troll Baby is now a fully functional upright model, complete with a curious mind, curiously curious fingers, and apparently NO EARS. I mean, the ears are there, but even if I screamed like those annoying tree monkeys on Survivor, there is NO BLOODY WAY he will listen to me.
So not only do we not have room for a tree this year, I’m not sure I want one. Of course Big D says we *have to* have one, all the kids are doing it, his balls might explode, and I’ve heard it all before. How do you think Little D came into being?
I’ve pondered various ways to keep Troll Baby away from the tree. Simply not putting anything breakable within reach? Futile. He climbs. Putting the tree into a playpen? Ridiculous. I laugh in the face of anyone who has done this. Putting Troll Baby in a playpen for the month of December? Again with the screaming monkeys.
I am open to suggestions which may or may not include feeding Ruffy exorbitant amounts of cheese and placing her under the tree as a nuclear deterrent. Course Santa might decide that is far too great a risk to take. That and we will not be able to light candles all month.
“Have yourself a Merry Little Christmas. Let your fart be right.”
December 1st, 2005 at 12:44 am
What is he, 18 months old? When the little ones were growing up, they didn’t mess with the tree much. A simple no did the trick.
What’s realy fun is to decorate after the kids go to bed. I liked to take some of that long sparkely stuff…what do you call it? cut it into various lengths and put an xmas balls and snowflakes on the end and hang them on the ceiling. I’ll never forget how each and everyone of these kids got up in the morning, saw it and said “oooo” too cute for a little tyke.
BTW, the kids were my friends. I helped raise them, I didn’t have any of my own.
December 1st, 2005 at 12:47 am
my friend’s kids I mean. she didn’t *do* babies well. I pretty much had them from newborn to 2 or so…a lot. Not always, I mean they were her kids but I had a nursery and a room for the older ones for when they slept over. They always called me Auntie but sometimes mommy too. Awwww.
December 1st, 2005 at 12:52 am
He will be 17 months in a week Ann. That was pretty nice of you to look after your friend’s kids! I can’t stand other people’s children.
Hey I went to visit your site and I don’t have AOL, so does that mean I’m an asshole? I mean, I know I *can* be, but I’m just wondering…
Thanks for stopping by!
December 1st, 2005 at 1:06 am
Oh, ugh…babies at that age with Christmas tree…nightmare!!
couldn’t resist your use of “sofa king”, as it is one of my favorites, as well.
December 1st, 2005 at 3:24 am
I don’t remember Samantha playing with tree that much. But I do remember her opening up presents that were not her’s. When I asked her why she did it she said “Oh, I thought you wanted them open?” LOL I couldn’t have been mad because of her face expression.
All I can say is GOOD LUCK!!!
December 1st, 2005 at 7:04 am
FEED RUFFY CHEESE!!!!!!!!!
LOL J/K….I had the same worries when a certain little girl that you know was that age, OMG HELL!!!!
ROFL @ Playpen, my kids wouldnt sit in that EVER.T Bird would not be having that anytime soon.
Wanna come to my house for Xmas, you can count my red bows!?
Love you!
Laura XO
December 1st, 2005 at 12:31 pm
Okay, this is what you do. I’m not sure how attractive it will look but here it goes…you get a piece of cardboard and draw a tree and then cut it out and stick it on the wall and then draw ornaments on it. So technically you’ll have a “Christmas tree” and it will not be ripped down. Sorry best I could come up with. LOL!
December 1st, 2005 at 3:13 pm
I’ve got an idea…put the tree in the playpen. Trim all of the branches that stick out or are otherwise in target range of Troll Baby. Voila!
Merry Christmas.
December 1st, 2005 at 3:29 pm
I’ve got an idea…read the entire post because I wrote:
“Putting the tree into a playpen? Ridiculous. I laugh in the face of anyone who has done this.”
Ha ha ha.