ruffy has an owwie

December 28, 2005 BlogPants

My poor girl did something to her paw today. She was outside with Big D and Little D while they played street hockey and she somehow ripped her high inside claw off a little or something. She was bleeding a little, but we’ve got her all doctored up with Troll Baby’s old receiving blankets wrapped around her paw.

Somehow she still hobbles to the kitchen when the cheese grater comes out of the kitchen drawer. I told you - attention whore!

I do feel really bad for her though. I’m sure it smarts.

wontcha help a baby out?

BlogPants

See in the sidebar - the baby graphic?

Click on it. Read the story. I’m helping and so should you, if you’re able.

Thanks!

Cindy - DON’T READ THIS.

BlogPants

Well the whole fam damily is taking this show on the road tomorrow to visit my side of the family. Joel and Mel are coming along, so my lovely friend Cindy lent us her minivan since we have a sedan that doesn’t seat as many bums as we have.

In preparation for the trip, I went out this afternoon to take care of a few small errands so we can get going at a decent hour in the morning. Stops: The Beer Store, LCBO, get gas, vacuum out the van and wash it. Yes, dear American friends, our Beer Store is actually called The Beer Store, eh. I bought ma-self two cases of dat dere beer and stuck it in the back hatch of dat dere van.

The usual stops were routine for road-tripping to visit my Irish Family (read: Green Folk who are fans of the Drinking.)

I know this seems like a redundant and boring post, but stay with me: I am Wee Todd Did.

I’ve driven this particular van a number of times, but I can’t even remember which side of the car my own gas tank is on, nevermind someone else’s. So I pull into the gas station, taking note of the sign saying I must give my first-born to buy gas. (Why do they never want the second child - DAMN!) I guessed wrong and ended up having to turn the van around…..girly mistake #1, right? Oh fuck off.

It takes me 8 days to fill this pig of a gas tank and I go into the kiosk to pay and buy a car wash. Too Friendly Gas Station Guy tries to upgrade my basic car wash to a protective coating wash or whatever and I vaguely recall something said by a man in my life about those high-flalutin’ car warshes being bad for the finish of a car, so I opt out. Too Friendly Gas Station Guy starts telling me how there are mirrors to guide the van wheels into the rails and to put it in neutral, then punch the code into the box and for fuck’s sakes buddy I’ve been to a car warsh before so hang it up already.

I get the van situated in the right wheel rail thingy and stick that sucker in neutral, punch the code and off we go, Cindy’s van and I, me and Cindy’s van….little buddies in the car warsh….

Then I see it.

The red light.

The red light that shows the back hatch is open.

Shit.

Half wondering if I should leave the safety of my drivers seat as I lurch forward into the car wash, I decide wet cases of beer is NOT the way to go and I undo my seatbelt to save the beer. It’s in bottles people. We technically *could* have put it in a cooler to transport it, but I can’t think that hard when clouded by the thought of wet beer cases. I was all Bree-VanDeCamp-burrito-on-the-nightstand and I couldn’t see straight.

Never mind I could have soaked Cindy’s van. My buddy the van. Never mind her van would stink all winter, having to be shut up because of our cold winter, all damp carpets and smelling of dog and old McDonald’s fries that my kids are likely to drop. Never mind all that - there is BEER at stake people!

I abandon my driver’s seat and dive all the way to the back, squashing my sore, PMSing boobs into the top of the backseat, stretch over, quickly open the back hatch and slam it shut.

Thank God.

It takes me a sec to realize that perhaps I should get my ass back to the driver’s seat, but I do. In the process, I trip over the middle console junk holder thingy and smash my face on the dash.

My priorities are obviously WAY outta whack. I left the driver’s seat in a moving van to save beer in sealed bottles from getting wet, AND I was more concerned with someone seeing me fall and smash my face then I was about getting back to that driver seat as the end of the car wash was fast approaching.

Told ya I was Wee Todd Did.

Cheers.

spirit…or something like it

December 27, 2005 BlogPants

For Mellie Mel from Mellerton’s birthday, we decided to give her something that meant alot.

Three stalks of Lucky Bamboo means happiness. May all the happiness Mel deserves come her way!! She is a very special, loving, caring, funny, super-fantastic, awesome, amazing, fabulous, wonderfully wonderful person and we love her so very much! Happy Birthday Mel!!!!

Later, the rose coloured glasses began to work as we indulged in many Christmas Spirits….we played poker and laughed like the little children that we had tucked into their beds earlier….

Then some weird things began to appear on the camera display….

Even the dinosaur had too much spirit……

Happy Boxing Day!

I Scream, You Scream, We All Scream for Santa Hole.

December 25, 2005 BlogPants

….and so it began….Mama got a brand new Sony Cybershot camera…….thanks to my sweet and dear hubby…..I love you Big D!!!!!

Mama starts blinding the family immediately! How fun!

“This is what I’ve always wanted for my whole entire life!!!!!”

(or at least since last month)

“Mom. Mom. You wanna play Yu-Gi-Oh cards with me? I have this Dark Eyes Magic Dragon that could take your card off the field and I would gain 2500 points, then I have this one called Red Piercing Stare down that would alienate all your monsters, and then I could use the Light Flame of Magic that would burn up all your magic cards….”

“So I have no chance against you.”

“Not really.”

“Lemme pour another coffee before the carnage begins.”

Christmas Breakfast at Great-Gramma’s. This lovely young lady can cook like you could never dream…..it was divine! One of the favoritist familiest traditions!

Dearest Aunt and Uncle of Troll: Thou shall not give any more presents that will make the Troll cry - without first divulging the secret of where you found such toys.

(Thomas the Tank Engine scared the shit out of Troll…..finally we have found his weakness! HA HA!!!! ~ later, Troll warms up to the Train of Tears and us parents are once again stumped! DOH!)

“Whaddya MEAN there’s no bacon left?”

Great Grandma, we love you dearly. Truly we do. But what the hell is this? I gotta wonder why Santa’s mouth looks as though something should be put in it. I watched 7 different family members stick their fingers in his mouth when they thought no one was looking. All said family members were over the age of 20. All 7 of them smiled when they pulled their fingers out. Is it filled with Turkish Delight? Does it emit a smile-inducing odour? Or is it just that our family is immature and finger-licking adventurous? I have to know where you bought this! Wal-mart? Narnia? The Stag-Shop?

Troll Baby’s favorite present was this three dollar shovel. I wonder if I kept the receipts for all this other shit we bought? I’m betting the rest of the family is thinking the same thing. Those of you who stuck your finger in Santa, I get 30% of your refund money for my silence.

On our way to Gramma and Papa’s for Christmas Dinner…….yum!!!

Post dinner…..during sips of Bailey’s Irish Creme….

Post turkey - Pre nap…..(secretly hoping family will leave so nap can commence.) Merry Christmas Dad/Papa! You’re wondering if he gave the finger to Santa aren’t you?

I’ll never tell…..

“Aunt Brenda taught me this game Mommy! I know how to open the door to the family room! I know there are 45 stairs to launch myself down, but I KNOW HOW TO OPEN THE DOOR!! CAN YOU BELIEVE SHE TAUGHT ME THIS DEATH-DEFYING STUNT? I SO FREAKING LOVE HER!”

(Thanks Auntie Brenda….. MWAH!)

Merry Christmas! We get to do all of this again with my side of the family who are spread out all over the damn place….celebrations tomorrow, the 29th and 30th…..then NEW YEARS!!!!

Holy Jingle Bells!

at least the snowman doesn’t stick christmas lights up his melting nose

December 24, 2005 BlogPants

snow is melting! spring? my hopes are high. breath not being held.

obligatory christmas shot with cute children.

decorating the tree

have yourself a snotty little christmas!

thanks to all of you who have blogrolled me since i began this blog! thanks to all of you who come to read my silliness. thanks to all of you who comment when something strikes a chord with you. thanks to all of you who bookmark my site.

Finally, thank you to those of you who nominated this site in the Best of the Blogs! In two catagories no less! (Best Mommy Blog and Best New Blog) Thank you!

How cool is that?

thanks internet, you make this site what it is…..and i wish you and your families happy happy holidays and cheers to a new year ahead!

love karen

Make you go hmmm

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TDavid over at Make You Go Hmmm has rented my blog for the week. He reviews all sorts of things including music, technology, news, videos, simply a mishmash of interesting things!

Show him the lovin’ I know you can and go and visit Make You Go Hmmm. You may even learn something! His blog is in the top 500 at Feedster and lots of lovely people subscribe to him….so go, and go back again and again!

Thanks for supporting the Rent My Blog program at BlogExplosion!

bubbles

BlogPants

As we gear up for Christmas Eve and Santa getting tracked by Norad, some of us may be more excited than others. Apparently Bubbles from the Trailer Park Boys is VERY excited about “Santer.” Ha ha ha….gotta love those Trailer Park Boys. Course after watching that little tidbit several times, and by several times I mean 136 times, the dog farted loudly and Dylan proclaimed, “Now THERE’S some Bubbles!” Ahhhh the smells of Christmas.

Hubby and I did all the wrapping last night so we could relax with his family tonight here at home, munching on goodies and sipping Christmas Cheer. I can’t wait. Besides watching the kids tear into presents on Christmas morning, Christmas Eve with Big D’s family is my favorite time of the holiday. The conversation swirls around the room, laced with love and excitement. There is alot of laughter and bantering, all in fun, and for the last 7 years I’ve never felt more a part of something so wonderful. We see them all the next day, but there is something so intimate and lovely about the night before Christmas.

I’m not sure who was more excited last night, Big D or Little D. Little D reluctantly went to bed after bouncing off the walls and chattering constantly. Big D carefully wrapped the presents he picked out for the kids and talked about not being able to wait to see their faces. He teased me about wanting to open my gifts right then, but I didn’t fall for it. I knew he would say ‘no way’ if I got all excited. I can’t wait to give him his gifts either though. I get more excited about the giving than the getting. I love picking out or making special things for family and friends and watching the joy on their faces as they realize how much they are thought about and loved…..that, to me, is the joy of Christmas.

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again…..

May you and yours have a Merry Little Christmas. Let your heart be light.

random acts of thinking

December 21, 2005 BlogPants

You know you have a toddler when you’re listening to iTunes and “Uniqua the Pink Knight” by the Backyardigans comes on between Bif Naked’s “Tango Shoes” and Queens of the Stone Age’s “Little Sister.”

Rock on Uniqua.

show me the ruffy!

December 20, 2005 BlogPants

We meow, she howls. She’s an attention whore.

This morning I had to take Miss Ruffy Doodle* to the new vet for her shots. I snagged a new vet this year because the last guy got suspended for killing a cat. Nice. 3 month suspension for killing a cat by accident. Should have given him a medal, or at least a pat on the back. I’m not a fan of the kitties. Deal.

So I bundle up Troll Baby and strap him into his stroller, and I’m armed with a sippy cup full of milk, crackers, keys, wallet, chain saw….all the normal crap that keeps an overheated baby distracted when you’re waiting in a waiting room, waiting and waiting.

We head out into the driving snow for a *lovely* 25 minute walk which was more like ice skating. I’m sure to Troll Baby, bouncing around in his ride must have felt like I had stuck him in the paint shaker at Canadian Tire because the assholes who plow snow are either drunk, drugged or blind. Thank God Ruffy is the stroller equivalent to 4 wheel drive because she pulled us there, however lopsided her effort.

So we arrive 10 minutes early because I’m anal about shit like that, and after they weighed Ruffy (a whopping 85 lbs!), we have to wait. Troll Baby is pointing to EVERYTHING in the waiting room and saying “Was sat? Was sat?” and I’m naming off EVERYTHING he points to, all the while trying to keep Miss Sniffy Paws sitting proper like a lady.

I know she is anxious because of all the smells and the 56 year old Paris-Hilton-Wannabe-with-a-small-dog-in-her-purse-lady who is pacing back and forth in front of my girl. Ruffy desperately wanted to play with that chew toy of a dog, and I must have said “sit” about 30 gazillion times. Fuck.

“Was sat?”

“Fish.”

“Was sat?”

“Book.”

“Was sat?”

“Doggie Biscuits.”

“Was sat?”

“Chair.”

“Was sat?”

“Magazine. Sit Ruffy.”

“Was sat?”

“Kitty Cat. Shit!”

Ruffy went apeshit at the sound of those magic words and I lost control of her. She was pulling hard on the leash and cutting off the circulation to Troll Baby’s legs. Back and forth, her head was everywhere, her neck strained as she tried to free herself from my death grip to find the kitty cat that the lady-who-feeds-me-bacon-and-cheese spoke of. She starts doing her weird, high-pitched twittering sound, which sounds like a baby bird caught in the spokes of a moving bicycle or fan blades. Not quite dead, and still making torturous noises. I am embarrassed FOR her when she pulls this, because she does not sound fierce like a dog of her size surely should. She’s like a Hummer with a Honda horn.

The whole time, I’m trying to stay calm and not freak on her because I don’t want the nice vet people to know I yell at my dog, that she knows the command “fuck off**,” and then call doggie protective services on me. The stroller popped a wheelie and Troll Baby almost met the floor. At the sound of my firm voice, her ass backed up and threw a table off kilter, toppling the lovely Christmas tree they had out, as well as fourteen thousand magazines. I looked up and saw the two receptionists staring at me. Ruffy was all like:

“Want me to take Ruffy?” One offered.

(Gee, you think?)

Troll Baby starts crying and within 20 seconds, the doctor is ready to see us. Shit - I should have tried that trick earlier!

Ruffy got her two shots in the ass, I paid through the nose, shoved the sippy cup into Troll’s mouth and we bobsledded back. I actually ran most of the way because my girlfriend Jen was coming to visit this morning and I hadn’t seen her in ages.

After Jen had come and gone (she looks SO good - must start walking again tomorrow to look as good as Jen), Big D came home from work early and we decided to Christmas shop. With Troll. Sans nap. I’m not gonna get all Mommy-blog on your ass (yawn), but I will say we stopped at the liquor store. Hooray!

Fast forward through the grocery store, Pet food store and making dinner for kids and hubby. I didn’t eat with them because I had every intention of having a salad. Instead I ate 5 peanut-butter chocolate-chip cookies and a glass of egg nog for dinner. I heard if you drink double the amount of water (in ounces), as you took in, in fat grams, you will offset your intake. So if you eat 5 grams of fat, you should drink 10 ounces of water. I’m floatin’ baby.

*Doodle really is her middle name.

** She really does go and lay down when I tell her to fuck off. I don’t say this in front of my kids so don’t EVEN email me about it.