Regurgitate

December 6, 2005

v. re?gur?gi?tat?ed, re?gur?gi?tat?ing, re?gur?gi?tates

v. intr.()

To rush or surge back.

v. tr.

To cause to pour back, especially to cast up (partially digested food).

Do you ever notice that the same magazine and newspaper articles get published every year, the same news stories get regurgitated, over and over? They are all token fill really, we all know these things by now, do we not? Perhaps they are partially digested, only to be thrown back up at us? Can’t we just ‘get it’ already? Here they are, in no particular order, and for no particular reason:

Winter

• Dress your child(ren) for the weather. No shit sherlock. I thought I’d send my 7 year old son out in sandals and a thong. Course that might get him beat up. Sadly, there are too many kids who STILL aren’t dressed for the weather. Makes me wanna bitchslap a parent.

• It’s going to snow. Duh. It’s Canada. Make sure you have an emergency kit, shovel and scraper for your car (and your igloo, eh?). Um, who doesn’t have a cell phone? Roadside Assistance anyone?

• Christmas is coming. Reeeeeeallllly…..

• Don’t drink and drive. Does anyone actually do this anymore? Every single person I know would never ever even think it. If you know anyone who would, take their keys. Please. Then shove them up their ignorant ass.

• Behave at office parties. That goes for you Joel. There’s always that token article saying how bad it is to drink and speak at office parties. Take note, dear brother.

• SLOW DOWN when the weather outside is frightful. Which you so totally should, but why do we need 5000 articles every winter saying this? Stupid drivers, move toward the equator.

Spring

• Two words: spring runoff. What do they always say about spring runoff? Bueller? Bueller?

Summer

• Sun safety - wear sunscreen and a hat, don’t use sunscreen on babies under 6 months. Use light clothing instead and ensure all children, adults and pets have adequate water intake. Blah blah blah…..go inside and eat freezies while you surf the net in your air conditioning.

• Don’t leave animals and people in hot cars. They will die. It kills me how many stupid assholes do this every year.

• Watch your kids around pools. It kills me how many stupid assholes DON’T do this every year.

• Wear lifejackets. Everywhere. Lifejackets are the new pink.

• Try not to kill yourself this summer on a boat, in a plane, on a seadoo, in the rain…… BUT HAVE FUN!

Fall

• Back to school - make sure you get the latest gadgets and coolest school supplies. Waste $0.42 to drive 3 miles in order to get lined foolscap 2 cents cheaper than the place near your house.

• School bus safety - sit down, shut up.

• Bullying - don’t do it, tell your teacher, stick up for others.

• ‘Do good’ in school. You need to ‘do good’ in order to get a good job when you’re a grown up. Otherwise you will be stuck blogging about potty training small children, whom you must protect from all of the above.

6 Responses to “Regurgitate”

1. Sassy Says:
   December 6th, 2005 at 11:17 pm

   Winter: Don’t stick your tongue on a frozen metal pole. Like ever.

   Summer: Always wear cotton panties ’cause you might get some yeast down there.

   Spring: It might rain so have a freakin’ umbrella in your handbag at all times.

   Fall: Sit under big trees while it’s lightening out and throw stale bread crumbs to the dumb birds.

   Great writing hun! Loves it!

2. LisaNY Says:
   December 6th, 2005 at 11:18 pm

   I never thought about it..but damn its so friggin’ true!!!

3. Mama K Says:
   December 6th, 2005 at 11:21 pm

   Um Sassy - I’ve never seen THOSE news stories…is that a white trash thing? You know, since you have the window air conditioner and all.

   :p

4. LauraAnnD9 Says:
   December 7th, 2005 at 9:01 am

   Thanks for the cotton panties tip! ROFL

   OMG Karen that one about the THONG!!!!!

   XOXOXO

5. Kira Says:
   December 7th, 2005 at 6:00 pm

   funny post!
   you should hear me tell my hubby to put the toiled seat down! yet i can repeat myself to no end… i wonder why they don’t “listen”.

6. miss_lissa Says:
   December 7th, 2005 at 7:07 pm

   ummm Whats with the whole cotton/yeast thing? rofl Sassy-damn girl!!

   very funny entry & so true about the bullying thing. Makes you wanna drive down to the school and kick some little kids ass when they pick on your kid. (j/j)

   and yeah HELLO

   lifejackets are like sooo the new pink. Like. totally.