Cindy - DON’T READ THIS.
December 28, 2005
Well the whole fam damily is taking this show on the road tomorrow to visit my side of the family. Joel and Mel are coming along, so my lovely friend Cindy lent us her minivan since we have a sedan that doesn’t seat as many bums as we have.
In preparation for the trip, I went out this afternoon to take care of a few small errands so we can get going at a decent hour in the morning. Stops: The Beer Store, LCBO, get gas, vacuum out the van and wash it. Yes, dear American friends, our Beer Store is actually called The Beer Store, eh. I bought ma-self two cases of dat dere beer and stuck it in the back hatch of dat dere van.
The usual stops were routine for road-tripping to visit my Irish Family (read: Green Folk who are fans of the Drinking.)
I know this seems like a redundant and boring post, but stay with me: I am Wee Todd Did.
I’ve driven this particular van a number of times, but I can’t even remember which side of the car my own gas tank is on, nevermind someone else’s. So I pull into the gas station, taking note of the sign saying I must give my first-born to buy gas. (Why do they never want the second child - DAMN!) I guessed wrong and ended up having to turn the van around…..girly mistake #1, right? Oh fuck off.
It takes me 8 days to fill this pig of a gas tank and I go into the kiosk to pay and buy a car wash. Too Friendly Gas Station Guy tries to upgrade my basic car wash to a protective coating wash or whatever and I vaguely recall something said by a man in my life about those high-flalutin’ car warshes being bad for the finish of a car, so I opt out. Too Friendly Gas Station Guy starts telling me how there are mirrors to guide the van wheels into the rails and to put it in neutral, then punch the code into the box and for fuck’s sakes buddy I’ve been to a car warsh before so hang it up already.
I get the van situated in the right wheel rail thingy and stick that sucker in neutral, punch the code and off we go, Cindy’s van and I, me and Cindy’s van….little buddies in the car warsh….
Then I see it.
The red light.
The red light that shows the back hatch is open.
Shit.
Half wondering if I should leave the safety of my drivers seat as I lurch forward into the car wash, I decide wet cases of beer is NOT the way to go and I undo my seatbelt to save the beer. It’s in bottles people. We technically *could* have put it in a cooler to transport it, but I can’t think that hard when clouded by the thought of wet beer cases. I was all Bree-VanDeCamp-burrito-on-the-nightstand and I couldn’t see straight.
Never mind I could have soaked Cindy’s van. My buddy the van. Never mind her van would stink all winter, having to be shut up because of our cold winter, all damp carpets and smelling of dog and old McDonald’s fries that my kids are likely to drop. Never mind all that - there is BEER at stake people!
I abandon my driver’s seat and dive all the way to the back, squashing my sore, PMSing boobs into the top of the backseat, stretch over, quickly open the back hatch and slam it shut.
Thank God.
It takes me a sec to realize that perhaps I should get my ass back to the driver’s seat, but I do. In the process, I trip over the middle console junk holder thingy and smash my face on the dash.
My priorities are obviously WAY outta whack. I left the driver’s seat in a moving van to save beer in sealed bottles from getting wet, AND I was more concerned with someone seeing me fall and smash my face then I was about getting back to that driver seat as the end of the car wash was fast approaching.
Told ya I was Wee Todd Did.
Cheers.
December 28th, 2005 at 8:14 pm
Hi Karen, its Jessica’s friend. Thats a hysterical post
December 29th, 2005 at 10:08 am
Oh to have been a fly on the wall for all this!
ROFL ROFL ROFL!
XOXOXOXO
December 29th, 2005 at 11:35 am
Haha, yes, talk about exaggerating to make our lifes more interesting eh Karen.
xoxo
Jessica
December 29th, 2005 at 12:43 pm
OMG is beer that good? To squish your big pms’ing boobs, smash your face, crack your knee on the console thingy? Really? Wow, maybe I should start drinking. Something to think about for the new year. Hahahahahhahaaa
December 29th, 2005 at 3:03 pm
Holy Crap… just that.. holy fucking crap.
December 31st, 2005 at 8:59 pm
OMG Karen! That was so freaking funny! I could so picture you saving the beer, eh!? I hope your boobs didn’t swell up to much more…you wouldn’t be able to see out the windshield!!!LMAO!!!!
Love ya!
Too funny!
Nicole