boobah is creepy.

When we arrived at the house, all seemed normal enough. The host is a good friend of ours and he just bought his house so he gave me the royal tour as we sipped our first beer together.

All seemed normal downstairs in the rec room. Beautiful people* our age were laughing and drinking, discussing their kids and such.

Our host introduced us to his brother, who was the complete opposite of our host. The brother had long hippy hair and um, no teeth. Yeah. You heard me. And he brought a Yoko Ono look-alike. Very demure, very quiet, and they were OBVIOUSLY in LOVE. Groping is usually a good sign, no?

Then 3 more people arrived. They looked as though they had stepped right out of 1975 to join our party. The man with the grey beard extended his hand to Big D and introduced himself, then his wife, Karen. Karen grabbed my hand with excitement and said, “Great name eh?” Uh yeah, sure lady….oh well. She’s probably nervous. Likely because she has the hair from the mom on That 70’s Show, only brunette.

She then introduced her friend Laurie. She had hair down to her butt, and parted in the middle. My first thought was that the three of them had an agreement of some sort to celebrate the New Year in a different way, clearly they were into the free love. They sat together on one couch and tried to engage The Hippie Brother and Yoko Ono in conversation. The other Karen quickly piped up to Yoko: “So you’re the quiet one?”

HUH?

Hey Karen, you must be the blurt-stupid-things-out-one.

Anyhooo…things got a little weirder as one normal-looking lady chatted me up about her little boy, not much older than Troll Baby. She asked me if I work outside the home. Oh gawd. I hate this conversation already. I explained that this is what we wanted. Then she told me how she felt guilty that she does work, but that she NEEDS to or she would go crazy. I laughed and told her I already have my ticket to the psych ward. She tells me she could get me in. Huh? Okay….I ignored that, and told her, that having worn both hats, the way I look at it is if Mom is happy, than the kids will be too.

I change the subject on to her career and ask her what she does. She said something about working with psych patients and so I take the opportunity to stuff both feet in my mouth and I say, “You must meet alot of …. (I’m scrambling, trying to say something PC and not offend) but she fills in the blank with “Crazy people?” Ahhhh - now I get it about her getting me in to the psych ward….I smiled and turned to see 3 more people arrive.

These three goofy-looking dudes also stepped out of 1975. That movie Slapshot comes to mind. They all bumbled around, bouncing insults off each other and when challenged by a hot chick to some foozeball, they all shoved each other forward until one finally caved. Hot chick beat him in a mere 4 minutes, and bit the heads off the other two in equally humiliating matches. The Hanson Brothers continued to giggle and snort like grade 8 boys. People disappeared several times, always returning with the munchies. More beautiful people* showed up and the rec room was soon full of laughter, clinking of glasses, snorting geeks, all the way to midnight. It was interesting to watch all these clearly different people.

One lady stopped mid-sentence in talking with her husband and pointed at Big D and I. “You have fantaaaastic body language. Are you newlyweds?”

No, we’re afraid of everyone here because you are all creepy fucking freaks, and will only talk to each other, I thought.

She continued, backhanding her husband in the chest, “Why don’t WE have body language like that? They look so connected honey. I want that.”

“It helps if you marry someone for the sex,” I offered. Big D choked on a swill of his beer. Or, you know, don’t sound like the little girl in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, all, “I WANT THAT SEX APPEAL NOW DADDY! DADDY, I MUST HAVE IT!”

This woman continued to stare at us for great lengths of time, while we avoided her eye contact and tried to pretend we weren’t in a fishbowl. It was so unnerving we left at 10 after 12 and laughed our asses off in the car all the way home. I was stone-cold-sober. Gee, I wonder why?

*All the beautiful looking people? Big D told me their professions later. Strippers. All of them. No wonder they were all so skinny and beautiful. Bitches.