of green tea and muthabloggers
January 30, 2006
Troll Baby is high-maintenance at the best of times. He needs constant entertainment, feeding and kisses. I have no problem with all of that, (especially the kisses part - I’m a serious kissoholic when it comes to my offspring) although he is a conundrum most of the time, Troll Baby with a cold/fever/whatever is kicking my ass.
The little man came down with a fever Friday night and the world as I know it has not been right since. He stayed up half of Friday night, crying his little heart out, only to drop for an hour and a half Saturday morning. Saturday afternoon, until 3 a.m. it was Cryfest 2006. He had a few quiet moments where he snuggled with Daren or I, while we watched late night Food Network. You shouldn’t do that ever ever ever, it makes you hungry and when you have a sick Troll Baby all snuggly-quiet on your lap, you can’t move to make a piece of toast, much less pee, for policemen will show up at your door and cite you for disturbing the peace.
At 3 a.m., my sweet little snot-wad finally drifted off in his crib, only to wake again 6 hours later and start up with the whining and crying again. Sunday afternoon was slightly better while he napped until MY IDIOT HUSBAND STARTED WORKING IN THE FAMILY ROOM BELOW THE BABY’S ROOM. Knowing that my in-laws were coming for dinner, I OBVIOUSLY wanted the baby to get as much sleep as possible. After hissing at him several times in hushed whispers, dripping with distain, he continued his work and wouldn’t you know it: woke the baby.
I WANTED TO KILL HIM.
Dinner was interesting. Poor Troll Baby whined and cried through most of the visit and went off to bed without incident at 6:30 or so. My mother-in-law figured out that perhaps on top of the cold from hell, Troll Baby might also be teething. Seeing as he was doped up on Tylenol, I didn’t think it would hurt to entertain her a little, so I got him a teething ring, which managed to entertain him for quite some time, and calmed him down! She was right. Note to self: don’t doubt more-experienced mothers. I should really learn to listen more.
I thought about listening more through dinner, and when my mother-in-law was talking about her use of green tea to lose weight, my ears perked up. I’ve lost 18 pounds slowly and on my own, but I have more to shed, and I’m always looking for tips and tricks, besides the painfully obvious exercise and eating healthy bullshit that really isn’t bullshit. And by healthy, I don’t mean Mississippi Mud Pie, which was left here last night and glares at me every time I open the freezer.
So my mother-in-law has been drinking 4-5 cups of green tea a day. She looks fan-fucking-tastic. Since I want to look fan-fucking-tastic too, I started that little regiment this morning. And since I was listening when my mother-in-law told me this, I have to pass along the information that if you are going to do this, be prepared to shit your brains out.
Also, you need to check this out… Sweetney has made t-shirts. I’m SO getting one. And if you’re a fucking muthablogger, you should too.
