20 Things
February 22, 2006
This weeks theme at Mama Says Om is 20 things.
Take a WILD guess at what my theme is.
1) Walking behind my car when I’m backing out, in a parking lot. Hmmmm….3000 pound car vs. man with no brain. Who will win?
2) Placing change on the counter for the cashier to pick up. How ignorant are you? A million years ago, when I was a cashier, I would hold out my hand and look away, like I didn’t notice the asshole had thrown his money on the counter. They ALWAYS picked it up and I was so gracious and over-kind about it, with a mumbled “fuckyouverymuch,” which sounds like “thankyouverymuch,” if you say it quick enough. *wink wink*
3) Jealousy. It makes people “U.G.L.Y. You ain’t got no alibi, you UGLY!”
4) The fact that our water meter is in the basement and the Hydro chick always rings the doorbell during Troll Baby nap times. I swear she is new, you know, to life. EVERY MONTH I SAY LEAVE THE CARD AND I WILL CALL IT IN AND EVERY MONTH YOU RING MY BELL, IGNITE THE BARKING, WAKE THE TROLL AND MAKE ME IRRITATED, WOMAN!
5) T.V that dipicts men as idiots. (You know this)
6) Cleaning the fish tank. (You know this too.)
7) Dirty snow. It’s just so….uh, dirty-looking. C’mon SPRING!!!!
A certain 7 year old’s innate ability to forget to flush the toilet. Every. single. time. It’s even better when he uses the laundry room toilet which runs and gets shuts off. He tells NO ONE and the offending log sits to soak. YUM. This is when Mommy reflects on how lucky she is.
9) Cobwebs. How do you exterminate those pesky cobs?
10) Girly things that have to be done, like plucking eyebrows, shaving legs and constant fucking mosturizing.
11) The fact that when I switched to Haloscan, I lost all my previous Blogger comments. *sniff*
12) The non-word, “HUH?” when “Pardon” would do just fine. (Sassy)
13) The price of ______ (insert staple here - milk, gas, Quaker Oatmeal Bars, tampons, etc)
14) The allotted decibel level of toys in Canada (it is significantly higher than most other countries). You have NO IDEA.
15) People who blog about the fact that they have nothing to blog about. That is like writing a letter to your Granny and telling her you have nothing to write about. If you really have absolutely nothing to write about, kindly fuck off. Like seriously, do not hit Publish Post. Not even a little bit.
16) Signatures on blogs, messages boards, etc. Especially ones like this:
Luke’s views are demonstrative of a mind clinging tenaciously to a frayed thread of reality. The slightest psychic bump could cause this thread to snap and mucho chaos to ensue.
- Jeffery Dahmer
Yes, *I* always thought serial killers made the best signatures. *shudder*
17) Abandonded blogs. They really should consider internet janitors who clean this shit up.
18) Exema. Any suggestion for this one people? My hands are on fire from October to April.
19) PeOplE wHo wrITe LiKE tHIs. Or they have all those symbols and shit and make it hard to read.
20) This.
