Laundry Upsets Linus
April 27, 2006
I’m raising a Linus. Troll Baby has been toting around his Gangket for weeks and every few days I have to wash it, lest it become a hairy mess of dried raisins, dog hair and drool. He is currently pleading with the laundry room door, with cries of “Gangket! Gangket!” and no amount of explanation is appeasing him.
I’m considering Gangket Anonymous. I mean, he is working through the steps anyway:
1. “Admitted he were powerless over Gangket- that his life had become unmanageable.”
“Gangket in washer. Love Gangket.” Hugging Mommy in earnest. Very sad eyes. Tears and snot flowing.
2. “Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity”.
“Gangket love. Tonnus Gangket love.” Sitting in front of the laundry room door, in prayer position.
3. “Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of Mommy as we understood her.”
Now in Mommy’s lap, trying to watch Baby Einstein. Now quiet, though every so often, small voice says, “Gangket.” Many sighs.
4. “Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of himself.”
Very honestly, says, “No Gangket.” Inventory is still depleted of Gangket, as washer continues to spin the addiction in sudsy water.
5. “Admitted to God, to himself and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.”
I don’t know about God, but currently cheating on Gangket with Teddy and another Gangket.
6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
The only defects are the ones getting washed away currently. Dog hair, dried raisins and drool being lifted from the fibres of Gangket as we speak. Sadly again, “Gangket.” Mommy’s heart is breaking along with Troll Baby’s.
7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
“He” really can’t do much about it. Mommy already removed Gangket. What more is there? Much sorrow. Now pleading for Daddy to get Gangket.
8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
No persons were harmed in the washing of Gangket. Unless you count the elbow to Mommy’s breast in the major upset of Gangket’s disappearance.
9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
Direct amends will be made to Gangket upon exit from dryer. Mommy can go eat worms. She is mean and cruel.
10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
Gangket still missing. Mommy is the one who is wrong here. Gangket’s disappearance is her fault.
11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
Praying for Gangket still not helping. Nor is laying on tummy on family room floor helping. But the cool tile feels nice. Gangket seems to be gone forever.
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to Gangket-o-holics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.
Don’t know any other Gangket-o-holics. Spiritual awakening will commence at the sound of dryer buzzer. Gangket shall be mine!
April 27th, 2006 at 11:23 am
Found my way here via Blurbomat - you know, just randomly clicking on posts - I too had one with a Gangket. (Strangely, he’s 27 years old now) But there was a time when I had to go to the laundermat and one day someone stole the beloved Ganget and it was gone. Fortunately his older brother had a matching Gangket which I immediately bought from him (I think it cost me 20 matchbox cars and some candy) and gave to his brother. He slept with that Gangket (or what was left of it) until he was 6 or 7 years old. He hated it when I’d wash it and get all the “smell” out of it. Anyway, love your site. And, love the cards!
April 27th, 2006 at 12:28 pm
LOL - love the 12 steps! Over here it’s “doggy” that needs to go.
April 27th, 2006 at 1:01 pm
Aww, that’s cute!
April 27th, 2006 at 5:23 pm
I have a Gangket-o-holic here in Vegas. My 8 year old Princess loves her 2 softies so much they are little more than a pile of rags now. I live in terror that on the next laundry day they may be litterally washed away to nothing. Just turn in to little softie molecules floating out the dryer vent. That will be a sad day in the Crazy Household.
May 5th, 2006 at 11:54 pm
[...] tidbits, and I need advice: pretty please with sugar and a cherry on top? Just playing around in Photoshop. This picture was taken yesterday. The cookies are now gone. In MAH BELLAH. Proud Owner of a Hockey Trophy after a great season. And by great, I mean they won. One game. They had fun, that’s all that matters. Sure it is.? Tell that to the hockey parents. Only in Canada will you find children dressed in slippers, a Fussy t-shirt, a sweatshirt, and shorts. Okay, maybe not only in Canada, but definitely only in households where none of the laundry is done and we are scrounging for rags to wear. The theme at Mama Says Om this week, is liquid. These sippy cups are the lifeline to Troll Baby’s addiction to liquid crack cocaine milk. He drinks at least 2 litres a day and still finds room to eat. I am aware of the dangers to his teeth from all this milk, and I assure you, he does not go to bed with milk. Oh and I brush dem dere teef. You know, when he isn’t wrestling me to the ground for the toothbrush so he can chew on it and eat toothpaste. He actually growled at me once last week, living up to his name. It’s nearly impossible to get those fangs cleaned. We’ve tried everything from coaxing him, to bribing him with the use of the car, to empty threats of Gangket being burned in the fire pit, and they simply don’t make straitjackets in his size, so we’re screwed that way. Suggestions are welcome since we’ve thrown up our hands and his teeth are currently rotting out of his head. Pretty soon, we’ll have to change his name to Clive and explain to him what summer teeth are: summer here, summer there. Posted by karenrani @ 11:53 pm • Troll Baby, Funny Shit, Mama Says Om [...]
May 24th, 2006 at 1:14 pm
[...] I get him all changed as he talks my ear off: “Dinosaurs Rawr. Dinosaurs rawr. Cows moo. Cat. Meow. Dogs ruff. Frogs Ribbet. Daddy FAAAART. Pffffsssttt. Gangket! Gangket! Keen Tonnas ears Cute Pips? Powder Peemees? Sing Song?” [...]