Some Days I Feel Like Mary Tyler Moore….
June 16, 2006
…and some days I don’t.
If you’ve been following the saga of rude old people in my quest for groceries and like, than you’re in for a treat. Bad things (or in this case, bad people) really do happen in threes.
Wednesday, the day after the Prove-A-Point Lady mouthed off to me in the grocery store parking lot, I stayed home. I worked on graphics, played Legos and went about my day. I wasn’t about to tempt fate and be critisized on my parenting skills or my all-important choices of “How many bags?” or “Do I need a cart?” No way. Not me.
Yesterday after school, an older man came to our door. You know these guys, they want to sell you cheaper electricity. He rattles off a shpeel about controlling our own rate, and I interrupt him with a polite, “No thank you.” (I’ve been saying that alot lately.)
“Well is your husband home?”
“Pardon me?”
“Is your husband home?”
“Why?”
“Because I think he would want to hear about this.”
“I’m not following.” (I’m being sarcastic at this point, because um hello? It is 2006 and wives have been protecting their families from door-to-door tactics for at least 70 years, not to mention making decisions about the home and family.)
“Well he would want to know what you are saying no to, wouldn’t he?”
“Are you kidding me? First off, we make joint decisions about most things concerning our home. Secondly, I am The Gatekeeper. The Keeper of the Gate. Get it? You’re not going to see the Lord of The House sir, because, quite frankly, as The Gatekeeper, I decide what he has the choice of deciding. Did you follow that? No? Oh too bad. Also, he does not subscribe to anything presented in the door-to-door format. Ever. So you’re wasting your time. You won’t be seeing the Wizard. Not today. Not ever. Now be gone, before someone drops a house on you too.”
And with that, I shut the door.
My name is Karen Rani, and I am an asshole magnet. If you don’t believe I said all that to him, ask Sassy. She was on the phone with me at the time. Booyah.
Oh and guess what else?
This:
I adore Dooce, so this is pretty cool.
Double motherfucking booyah.
Don’t forget to get your picture requests in here! I’ll start posting them next week!
June 16th, 2006 at 12:59 pm
It did happen. I was scared for the old fucker. And believe you me, she would drop a house on his head. When she says she’s the Gatekeeper, she fucking means it. Booyah.
June 16th, 2006 at 1:45 pm
Karen, my HERO!!! You ROCK!!!! Seriously, R-O-C-K!!!
June 16th, 2006 at 2:16 pm
Yes, love, love this. YOu decide what he gets to decide. SUch big truth, my friend!
I am fortunate that the door-to-door folks in Japan practically run when the language barrier wraps around their throat! That pleases me.
June 16th, 2006 at 2:49 pm
Kick ‘im agin, Karen!
June 16th, 2006 at 3:24 pm
Men! LOL I had something similar happen. Neighbor comes to the door and this is the following conversation….
Neighbor: Is your husband home, I need to ask if I can borrow your lawnmower.
Me: Yes, he’s home, but you can go ahead and borrow the mower.
Neighbor: I really need to ask him.
Me: (rolling my eyes) Honey, can you open the garage door please?
Neighbor: Are you sure he won’t mind?
Me: Yeah, I’m positive.
I mean really……..give me a break. Can we not make our own decisions for our families?
June 16th, 2006 at 7:55 pm
I am so afraid to go anywhere with you…seems you bring out the loonies in this city. Bring it on Girlfriend!!!
June 17th, 2006 at 10:52 am
For some reason, people don’t ask to see the man of the house when they look at me because I think I scare the sh** out of them.
You are hilarious, Karen!
June 17th, 2006 at 2:00 pm
Ha ha! Good job on handling the codger-at-the-door!
Love the search shot.
June 17th, 2006 at 11:31 pm
Go Karen, Go Karen!
I decide what he gets to decide on.. fuckin rights!
I love it when they say that to me. That whole “Can I speak to the man of the house” bit..
mwuahahahaa…
(single mom FYI)
LOL
June 19th, 2006 at 7:17 pm
Now that’s funny right there, I don’t care who you are (Larry the Cable Guy)….You ought to consider writing an article “Buttholes I have Tossed”…
Hey, thanks for stopping by the blog! I’m better, and thanks for the kind words. You so totally ROCK!
June 21st, 2006 at 11:51 am
Whooo Weee! Remind me to never f*ck with you girl! OOcchh! He sure did have it coming to him though. I would have loved to hear that conversation.
Since they say it comes in three’s, hopefully you are safe again for awhile. I would safe in public, but it looks like they hunt you out.
Bring it on!
June 27th, 2006 at 2:14 pm
pill book online…
pill book online…