Liar Liar, Fat Pants on Fire!
June 26, 2006
Actually no. I can’t lie to you. So here is the truth: yesterday I made pasta salad. With non-whole wheat pasta. And an unacceptable level of cheese. Times two. or Twelve. Slathered with Miracle Whip. And don’t give me the whole Miracle Whip versus Mayonnaise debate because mayonnaise looks like dried snot after a short spell and I am not putting that in my mouth. Blech.
Anyway, I’m STILL PMSing. Oh you could tell? Yes, it’s week three. I’ve always had long drawn out lead-ups to my period, and I’m starting to think maybe it’s just my personality shining through. Ha.
So, after eating 2 bowls of said uber-fattening pasta salad yesterday (one for lunch and one for dinner), this morning I decided the last thing I should do is weigh myself. So after I got Dylan off to school and the coffee made, I stripped down to the bare essentials (um, skin) and weighed myself anyway because I’m not a good listener. I was curious as hell to see if my low fat diet and exercise routines were helping. I’ve kept off the weight from last weeks weigh in, so time to step it up! See the end of this post for some fun ways to torture me into doing just that.
In other news, I’m turning into a man. I’m getting stray hairs where I’ve never seen hair before. You know, odd places like my chinny chin chin, but last week, I noticed something that really made me nervous. A lonely stray hair on the top of my foot. Both feet actually. (Don’t make fun of my very faint tan lines) Look:
And look up close! It’s very fine, but on my foot? Who am I, Danny Devito?
THIS HAD BETTER NOT BE THE START OF OLD AGE.
I’m SO nervous now about going to BlogHer. Ya’ll are wondering what to wear? I’ll be worrying about if I will have to shave my back so I don’t look like I’m wearing a sweater at the beach. I’d better bring enough razorblades so I can look like a girl, but not too many because I don’t want to scare my roommate! When I told Daren I needed to go get an eyebrow wax this week, he asked me why women waste money on those things. Now I can basically say I don’t want to be as hairy as him, the Sasquatch.
Yes it’s all drama, all the time here today!
In case you’re wondering, yes, of COURSE I plucked that mofo!
So this Monday weight loss gig seems to be working here, and ya’ll seemed to like the song list, so here’s another list that got my ass in gear:
- Sunshine in a Bag - Gorrillaz
- Magic and Mayhem - Afro Celt Sound System
- Shake It - Sean Paul
- Take Your Mama Out - Scissor Sisters
- Ain’t No Other Man - Christina Aguilara (Thanks Tense Teacher - that rocked my gym socks!)
- Shake the Laffy Taffy - D4L (I know - it’s lame…but I like it!)
- Shake That Ass - Eminem featuring Nate Dogg (if anything your abs will get a workout from laughing)
- Name of the Game - The Crystal Method
- Song 2 - Blur (The WOO HOO Song)
- Canned Heat - Jamiroquai
Add your own faves in the comments.
Much like Jenny of Big Slice of Life, Small Slice of Cheesecake, I want challenges! Leave your challenges for me in the comments and I’ll blog about how much I hate you how they turn out! With pictures! (Maybe) I promise to do every single one, within reason. If I were to run (at all) I might die. I think. But other than that (maybe), BRING IT ON!
Read more from My Fat Diary.
June 26th, 2006 at 8:45 am
Girrrrrrl. You are just NOW getting the weird random hairs? I have been battling the Curse of the Sasquatch for years. I’ll be the one at BlogHer with tweezers in both hands.
June 26th, 2006 at 9:26 am
Crap. What are we supposed to wear to BlogHer. Crap. Now I’m nervous too.
June 26th, 2006 at 11:00 am
I was going to say the same thing as Mir. I have been tweezing and plucking for years now and I am 31! OMG! What will I look like in another 10 years. Hold me, I’m scared! Or as DD would say…”Mommy, hair scawred me!”
You are great music taste. And may I say way hipper than me. Some of those artists I have never heard of before. I’ll have to look them up! I am all over me some Eminem though. He’s a musical genius I tell ya!
June 26th, 2006 at 11:06 am
Forgot to add…
Miracle Whip rocks! Don’t apologize for having taste!
June 26th, 2006 at 12:07 pm
I challenge you to make up a cheerleading routine and post photos of your fine self going through the motions.
June 26th, 2006 at 12:27 pm
Honey, every THREE DAYS I use a magnifing mirror in the sun with the tweezers to eliminate my “Fu Man Chew”. I even have to shave my toes and the tops of my feet and have had to do so for about 10 years. You’re quite a bit younger than me, so I’m guessing your body thinks it’s time.
As far as an eyebrown wax, I’ve never done it. You are lots braver than me!
June 26th, 2006 at 1:27 pm
The chin hairs, or my beard as I like to call them, drive me insane. I even keep a pair of tweezers in my desk at work because once I feel one of those buggers pop up, I obsess until I can pull it out.
And as far as the feet go, I’ve been shaving the tops of mine since I was 27.
June 26th, 2006 at 2:28 pm
Miracle whip?
I can never speak to you again. Ever. I would never have even commented here or read your blog had I know about your mayonaisse handicap.
PS: I had fun.
June 26th, 2006 at 3:50 pm
Challenge you say ? Go for a 1/2 km walk 5 times with or without the Troll baby in the next week. You can do it !
June 26th, 2006 at 5:51 pm
Let’s just say I’m French and Italian and I feel like I spend an hour of every day getting rid of pesky hair. And I’m only 30! I have a feeling I’m going to look like Sasquatch by the time I’m 50.
June 26th, 2006 at 7:32 pm
Have you ever tried cranking some zydeco to work out to? It’s my new favourite thing. Um, the music, not the working out. We’re not there yet…
June 26th, 2006 at 10:12 pm
Oh, I’ve been shaving the tops of my feet and each big toe for a few years now. (not many hairs, but just enough to drive me crazy)
The stray hairs that bother me the most, though, are the ones on my neck and on my boobs. Yuck!
Even if I can’t afford it, I’ll be ponying up for a lot of professional waxing before Blogher.
June 26th, 2006 at 10:36 pm
Dude, one hair on each foot? You should see my hobbit feet.
June 26th, 2006 at 10:52 pm
I freakin’ love Miracle Whip dude. Love it. And holy, I wouldn’t worry about a hair or two. I mean it could be the onset of old age, I guess. But I’m damn near ready for the boneyard, being waaaaaaaaaaay older than you but I’ve not experienced foot hair as of yet. So ya, good luck with that. At least it’s not sprouting out of your nipples. Or is it? And you’ve not told us? I’m just sayin’.
June 28th, 2006 at 11:17 pm
[...] So I quickly got into my workout duds, and sneakers, grabbed my iPod loaded with songs like these and these, and started stretching. I did some weights as well, then jumped on my eliptical. With nobody home, I was belting out the tunes so loud, I’m sure the neighbours thought someone was being tortured in our basement. I was high on the music, and high on adrenilin. I was getting my freak on with the eliptical, all gyrating and sticking my tits out like I was freakin’ Beyonce or something. Bootylicious? Sure. I was feelin’ BOO-TAY-LISH-SHUSS baby. [...]