BlogHer Anxiety
July 23, 2006
Jenn Satterwhite just wrote a post over at BlogHer about the anxiety some of us are facing over the upcoming BlogHer conference.
I started to comment over there and it got too long, but here’s the dealio:
I won’t sleep the night before. Partly because I get picked up by the shuttle at 3:30 a.m. to ride 2 hours to the Detroit airport, only to wait and hope that I don’t a) get mugged; or b) fall asleep and miss my flight. I’m neurotic like that. And partly because dude, it’s BlogHer! There are bloggers I truly admire, like Mir, Kristin, Erin, Sarah, and about a million more women that I will completely be over the moon to meet in person.
I’ve had my eyebrows done, and my hair cut and coloured. yes, that’s coloured with an O and a U, eh? It’s a chestnut brown now, with blond highlights.
I.
Look.
Hawt.
I have fear though. I get butterflies every time I think about going through customs. The fear of walking around the hotel with a sore ass from a strip search freaks me out more than a strip search - seriously, who wants to make friends with a Mommyblogger who walks like a penguin and looks like she has a pickle up her ass?
“Oh there’s Karen from Troll Baby. She looks so stuck up.”
“Well I heard she had the strip search. You know, the CAVITY search.”
“Oh, poor thing.”
“Yeah,” giggling, “Poor thing. Waddle waddle waddle.” Chinking glasses. Snickers.
Maybe I should pack Vasoline? And a sewing kit?
Um. Ew. Even I grossed myself out there.
Then there’s the whole flight thing. I don’t mind flying. As far as fear goes, I have none. I do, however, get bored easily and require something to pass the time. A book? No, I can’t concentrate on a book on a plane. I read the same paragraph over and over again and stress about if I will have to ask my seatmate to move even once. I actually stress about the 20 second inconvenience I will inflict on another person, in order to urinate.
I could pack my son’s Game Boy, but I get really pissed off when Mario isn’t going my way, and I don’t know how to play any of those other games. My seatmate might not like the fact that I move my arms and elbows in order to jump and smash those turtle things, like moving the GameBoy helps matters. Elbowing your seatmate could be considered rude, I suppose.
If I bring my iPod, I’ll want to dance. There is nothing worse than hearing good music and not being able to sing along or dance. Or both. It’s like trying to stop myself from breathing. Also? I’m fairly certain there are no poles for me to dance with on the plane.
And oh my god, what if my seatmate is CUTE? Then what? I’ll sit there wondering if he thinks I’m a complete troll. Eating will be out of the question. Plane food is nasty anyway.Once I get there, I’ll be able to relax. I have a kick-ass roommate (actually two for the first night since Mary is SO sleeping with me - Slutty Mc Slutslut.)
Course then there’s the whole pooping thing. What if I have to poop and my roommates are there? Oh my God, I know most women have poop that is white and smells like roses, but I do not. I mean, I don’t STINK really bad or anything, I’m sure as hell not my husband, and I don’t take 30 hours to take a dump, all the while reading the New York Times or whatever you Americans read. But there will be the urge, especially the morning after drinking and once I’ve had a milli-sip of coffee. Don’t laugh. It’s human. We all poop. You poop.
I don’t have any reservations about meeting all these awesome women. Especially Lisa. Brainchild of the blogging world. LOVE HER. I’ll be all sociable and friendly and hopefully not walking with a gaping butthole.
I’ll be loud, won’t be on my best behavior, and hopefully make you laugh a bit. I’m not Sally Field, but you’ll like me, you’ll REALLY like me! I swear on my New York Times.? If you even want it.
July 23rd, 2006 at 3:25 pm
everyone is so nervous, you’d think we were all trying to sleep with eachother or something!? lol
July 23rd, 2006 at 4:07 pm
Oh don’t worry Jennster! Some of us are definitely trying to sleep with others of us… I can say for 100% certain…
8-P
- badger the badgirl
July 23rd, 2006 at 4:09 pm
Trust me, sleeping is not something you’ll be inclined to do at the Detroit airport.
July 23rd, 2006 at 4:11 pm
Uhhh, perhaps I shouldn’t be falling asleep at BlogHer either….Badgermama - you’re scaring me! *nervous laughter*
July 23rd, 2006 at 4:37 pm
The freedom from the massive readership like you have is that I go to BlogHer with not so much in the way of nerves. The whole cavity search/ass pain really shouldn’t be a problem, unless sneaking drugs to your biker boyfriend in jail used to be an issue you had….
July 23rd, 2006 at 5:26 pm
I’m snickering about the pooping. I spent so many years as a closet pooper. Well, not pooping IN the closet, but pretending it just didn’t happen. NICE people don’t poop.
July 23rd, 2006 at 6:55 pm
Sleeping with others.
Cavity searches.
Pooping with others around.
BlogHer is SO becoming THE Prison Movie of 2006. I see Cannes awards coming our way!
July 23rd, 2006 at 10:03 pm
Popping? Cavity searches? Bwahahaha!
And I can’t wait for BlogHer either. *sigh* 5 Days Left! Promise you’ll say HI to me and NOT laugh at me?? (At least not in front of my face. ;)) Mkay. I am babbling now. I’ll shut up. Have a god one!
July 23rd, 2006 at 10:26 pm
I can’t wait to meet everyone at BlogHer also. I feel like I’m going off to college again, and getting ready to meet my entire dorm.
Flying is the first hurdle for me, though. I hate flying.
July 24th, 2006 at 2:42 am
I wuv you already! Can’t wait!
And I hope I don’t, like, fart in my sleep or something. Kristen might blog.
I better bring some GasX for the stomach I’m gonna have…
And thanks for linky love, mama
July 24th, 2006 at 2:43 am
uh…what I MEANT to say was that Kristen might blog about IT.
July 24th, 2006 at 2:44 am
FUCK…that would be stomach ACHE. I better go to sleep. I’m dropping words all over the place.
July 24th, 2006 at 3:23 am
There you go again, telling the Internets all about our upcoming tryst.
I just want to say that I will not blog about your poop habits. You can trust me!
July 24th, 2006 at 3:39 am
I wish I was going
July 24th, 2006 at 10:11 am
Hey there! Just dropping by to say hello. I saw you bookmarked some products from my style hive.
Now that I am here I can totally relate to your “About” description. I have 3 boys and I can quickly go a bit insane.
I’ll be stopping by to read your blog again!
Have fun at blogher!
Shannon
July 24th, 2006 at 10:31 am
You can alwyas poop in my room. Devra and I will go to the bar so you can have privacy.
I can’t poop with other people around either, so I feel your pain.
I mean - except for The Squad who are omnipresent.
July 24th, 2006 at 12:08 pm
I know that your entry is funny, but I’m going to pretend that you are really worried and try to reassure you.
I have been across the border a couple of times and the Americans are quite different from the Canadians. The Americans are all really big and they speak really loudly. Some would call it yelling, other, barking. They want you to move fast. They just ask me where I’m going, why and what I do. I like to get stressed out in the situation. This is what I answered when asked why I was going to NYC: Because I’ve bever been there before and I really want to see it before I move far away. I think he just wanted me to say vacation. So, just know the answers to those questions, which you do, and you will be fine.
Have a great trip !
July 24th, 2006 at 4:03 pm
Ok … on the pooping thing .. bring matches. Light them afterwards. Noone will EVER know. Or they will just think you are smoking weed in the bathroom. You gotta choose your battles, I suppose.
July 24th, 2006 at 4:27 pm
Deep breaths. I am sitting here making lists myself. I have to make a note: no pooping.
July 25th, 2006 at 10:24 pm
Did anyone solve the poo dilemma for you?
Public loo in the lobby. What? It’s after midnight and everyone is in their rooms? Um…you need ice! Or …uh, something from the vending machine! AIR! You need AIR!
Problem solved.
July 25th, 2006 at 10:24 pm
OMG. I love what it does when I leave a comment.
Vroom.
July 31st, 2006 at 1:09 pm
You are so much fun in person. Even more fun than reading your blog. I had a great time getting tattooed by you. Yes, folks, she gives tattoos, too. Multi-talented, this woman.
August 2nd, 2006 at 12:00 am
Goon Squad Sarah Said: “You can alwyas poop in my room. Devra and I will go to the bar so you can have privacy.”
I feel so used! I just realized why Sarah kept wanting me to go to the bar with her AND why our room had that funky odor. (which is definitely NOT your fault, Sarah should have been more specific and said you could poop in our BATHroom.
August 2nd, 2006 at 6:36 pm
Devra just made me spit coffee on my keyboard.
I’m not stalking you. I’m bored at work.
July 27th, 2007 at 10:58 am
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