BlogHer ‘06 Massive Recap: Ghetto Remix and Inspiration
August 1, 2006
Grab a cup of coffee and stay a while. This may indeed be the longest post ever. I hope you stay for the ride.
This conference gave me alot more than I could have ever imagined. I arrived Thursday afternoon after 15 hours of travelling, and found myself instantly recognized by the instantly recognizable Mary Tsao, my bed buddy. After checking in and freshening up, I found myself in loud, excited conversations with bloggers I read and love, and new ones I had never heard of, but quickly fell in love with.
I was reduced to tears a few times during the conference. Just meeting the greatness that is Lisa Stone caught me in the back of my throat. I wanted to put her in my pocket and bring her home, along with her hottie boyfriend. She is the type of person who makes absolutely everyone feel special and listened intently as I pitched her an idea for a new project.
Meeting Jory was also thrilling, though brief, as she was a human tornado, getting things done, public speaking and looking ever so beautiful doing so. I met up with Elisa while Karl flirted with me ever-so-mercilessly and I found this morning that he posted me on his blog as one of the hotties of BlogHer ‘06. Woot! (And while you’re admiring me, go see Mom-101, the cutest BlogHer on the planet, and see the award I won for BEST CLEAVAGE. Yeah baby.)
The first night, since I had been awake 36 hours, I retired early at 10:30, after a serious party in which I met the kick-ass muthablogger herself, Sweetney. She is the coolest chick in the States. I’m pretty sure of it. I think it was cool that she took the time to get to know the 2nd generation of MB’s right off the bat. I smoked cigarettes with motherfucking Sweetney, people.
I also got to meet the gorgeous IzzyMom, who played a nasty trick on me and wouldn’t tell me who she was at first. She was all “bitch, you should know” and snarky and shit. So when someone finally told me, I kicked her in the face and beat her with her purse. Booyah.
That night was a whirlwind of faces and I’m telling you, you put that many women in a room and the decibels are insane. My head was spinning from the 356 conversations going AT ALL TIMES. Getting to meet and hang with Ever-so-Outspoken Erin, The Fantastic and Funny Christina, My New Fist-to-the-chest Sistah Sarah, The Lovely and Engaging Chris, Mir the Kissyface, Carmen, Oh-My-God, I Love her! Asha, The Sweet-Faced Julie (who, surprisingly says Fuck), Lucious and Lippy Liz (hee!), The Ever so well-spoken Catherine, Queen of All Things Sweet and Sugary Amy, (who is as sweet as buttah) and so many others, was wicked-awesome. Even better was The Talented and Intelligent Kristin telling me that my picture does me no justice and that I was pretty. *swoon* That kinda threw me off, since I’m not good at taking compliments, but she has a special place in my make-up bag now.
Jes was happy to go to bed when I did that night. I guess. She came out of the bathroom and I was already sawing logs. Mary slipped into my bed at some point but I didn’t hear a thing. I’m pretty sure I was ravished by the two of them though. Slutty McSlutSluts.
Friday morning I caught up with my new best friends, The Mommybloggers: Megan, Jenn and Jenny. LOVE THEM. They are all so incredibly fun, and while Megan captured my heart with a long deep conversation, Jenn actually made me pee my pants later on during the conference. Thankfully Karl didn’t see or I might have been put on the Wet Hotties List. Hoo! Intriguing!
Friday afternoon a bunch of us took a ride, looking for a liquor store. We arrived in a yucky neighbourhood and stopped in a place called Kelly’s Liquors. Hmmm. A women’s liquor store, so conveniently placed near BlogHer? Coincidence? I think not. We were picking out our drinks of choice, chattering like a bunch of hungry sparrows when in walked some scary boys. They had tattoos, no shirts, and giant running shoes. They wore bandanas and I might have been more afraid of them if they had pulled up their shorts properly, but really, I wanted to tug up their beltloops and hand them washcloths for their dirty hands. It’s the mom in me.
I was chatting up one of the two hippie-type guys behind the counter, since the guy that served me liked my geek shirt. We could hear the underwear gang laughing in up as they approached the front of the store. Then it hit me like a bitchslap: the smell of a mumbly drunk homeless guy. He was trying to engage the underwear gang in conversation as he talked about being Irish and spelled his name in slurs.
Mommybloggers and Underwear Gang were united in laughter as the cashier turned to his co-worker and said, “Hey, don’t we have a constitutional right to refuse service to anyone who comes in our store smelling like ass?”
Speaking of ass, I found myself saying things I shouldn’t have, like “Will you grab me another bottle of ass water while you’re out there?” See that chick at the top of the blog with her hands over her mouth? That’s me. I spent Friday night in deep conversation with Roo and Dawn and the next day when Dawn told me she’d hoped she hadn’t made a fool of herself, I blurted, “Of course I like you, Dawn. You told me so many stories about your vagina. What’s not to like?”
Saturday was full of tough decisions since most of the sessions were ones I wanted to attend. I opted to see Heather Armstrong speak after the Mommybloggers Session and both were amazing. I met Arieanna Foley, a fellow Canadian blogger and she gave some good advice, especially with regards to Canadian Tax Law and managing an online business. She was incredibly funny and talked about her Lindsay Lohan blog (a paid gig that she hates, because Lindsay Lohan is an idiot.) Pah.
Heather Armstrong was engaging and funny as well. I didn’t meet her until later in the night, and again the next day. I talked to her about that fateful day when I was driving with Thomas (who was screaming for the 60,000th hour of his life) and how I had thought, at the time “If I only turn the wheel, this could all be over…” I was glad I spoke with her and although she was overwhelmed with people the whole weekend, those few minutes were special to me since her post-partum depression honesty was what caused me to stop and think about getting help.
Other inspiring moments came Saturday afternoon, while listening to Arianna Huffington speak about fear. Wow. That woman can SPEAK. She was amazing and made me realize I need to stop being afraid of talking about my childhood, and so I have a project in the works, that will remain anonymous, to protect my family. I also was inspired to write a book, of which the topic will have nothing to do with anything I blog here or at BlogHer. Once I get more thoughts together, I will share with you.
One of the annoyances of this conference was a certain someone who insisted on being a male pig. He strutted around like he was King Shit and by Saturday night I’d had enough. If I could have, I would have vomited in his lap. Or had a child do it. Instead, I spoke up when he chose to sit his pompus ass down and inturrupt a very great conversation with Grace Davis, my new favorite blog-mama, and Jenn Satterwhite: “You need to behave, sleezebag, or you will be voted off the island.” Ugh.
Other stupid things I said? Oh, here ya go:
“Suburban Bliss? Nope, never heard of it.” Yeah, I probably shouldn’t have said that, but honesty honesty honesty. Or so I thought. I’m an idiot. I took an ad out on Melissa’s blog last year when Troll Baby Graphics started. Duh. Hi Melissa, I’m Karen and I’m a big fucking idiot. Mucho Apologio, dah-ling.
“I don’t get alot of comments, eh.” Grace Davis gave me shit for that one. *Hangs heads in shame* Apparently 12-30 comments is fucking awesome. I’m awesome. Didja hear that? GRACE DAVIS SAID SO. LOVE HER.
And the stupidest thing I said? Friday morning, post-coffee, pre-conference: “Coffee kicked in. I need to go drop a deuce.” After which, I slapped my hand over my mouth and Megan nearly peed herself. IT MEANS SOMETHING DIFFERENT IN CANADA, PEOPLE!
Kelly, Jen, Jenn, Megan and I wrote some Haikus to share with you also:
blogher is a gay old time
beer lemondrop wine
chicks with laptops FINE
(Jen, did you know that the Haiku format is 5, 7, 5? Yeah, me neither.)
————————–
Canucks rock my world
Shiny, colorful money
Ass backwards Haiku
(Thank you Kelly, you’re so SMRT)
————————–
Mommybloggers rock
Don’t rip out our ovaries
We will cut you, yo.
(Thanks Jenn, you mommyblogger you)
————————–
Puking my life on the page
Loving, licking Jen
All for the Ninjapoodle
(Thanks again Kelly - I know Belinda will love it. We missed you Belinda!
————————–
Ass water, say what?
We have carried you around
But really…the hell?
(Thank you Jenn - it seemed to be a consensus among BlogHers - blech!)
————————–
My vagina is
not stretched out but got stitched up
Sherri, you suck ass (water)
(You go Megan!)
————————–
Teased for saying aboot
Love being a freak Canuck chick
But kiss my ass, eh!
One of the biggest highlights for my heart was meeting Beth Adams. I really adore her and have read her blog for about 2 and a half years. She’s been through some hard times as of late and I hope that she finds peace within herself. There weren’t enough minutes to capture with her and I do hope to see her again. Beth, you are wonderful and lovely…
I came away with a real sense of where I’m going. I have amazing things to share with you, with the world. A special thank you goes to Jenn Satterwhite, for listening to me brainstorm through tears, and for being a true friend the entire conference. She is an amazing person and I cannot wait to see her again, along with everyone else I met at BlogHer. I just hope Jenn got my “Whatever Sweater” back from a certain someone who needed it, the night before I left. And if you did Jenn, I hope you put it on and give yourself a big hug from me, eh? Peace out.
August 1st, 2006 at 1:22 am
Karen, right back at you woman. Put me on your designated nagger reader list for that new project. It will kill. L
August 1st, 2006 at 1:50 am
Karen! I’m so happy to have met you! And thank you for saying all the nice things about me! (Blushing…)
I liked you right away (you were very kind to a woman who’d temporarily lost her ability to spell.) And after hanging out until the wee hours Friday night, I liked you even more. You are hilarious, and thoughtful, and awful purty– I’ll have to second Kristin on that one. (I even have photographic evidence! Though some of my photos make it look like the three of us were having our heads sucked out the photo’s lower left corner…)
All right, I’ll stop hitting on you now…
August 1st, 2006 at 2:49 am
I am sooo happy that I got to meet you. you rock!! and thank you again and again!!!
August 1st, 2006 at 3:20 am
You are SO on my Wet Hotties List. Just wish I’d gotten a picture.
Really was a great conference and there were a few times when I got a little teary-eyed at all the inspirational feelgood fuzzy wuzzy stuff. I think it was all that beyotch estrogen gathered in one place or something.
I’m actually feeling a might down being home again. Serious. Arianna Huffington made me feel like I havent’ done shit with my life. That wench.
August 1st, 2006 at 4:35 am
Great recap, beyotch!
*smooch*
August 1st, 2006 at 9:57 am
I love this recap, love you (and your cleavage) and second the vote for class hottie. Seriously? Change the photo. You’re like 17 - who knew?!
Also? Stop linking that beyatch. Judging from her friends’ comments, intelligent readers would be something new for her and I’d hate to think we in any way contributed to the change.
August 1st, 2006 at 10:18 am
YOU!
You are gorgeous and divine, and stunning, and amazing, and I’ve run out of adjectives since the time zone change has finally hit me.
But, eeek! I got to meet you! I’m totally making a paper chain to count down to next year.
August 1st, 2006 at 10:24 am
Dude, you ROCK. That we only had, like, 5 minutes together really chaps. Next time, for sure.
And next time you’re around TO, you MUST let me know. PLEASE.
August 1st, 2006 at 11:26 am
sigh this just seals the deal.. i need to start saving for next year’s conference
August 1st, 2006 at 12:23 pm
I’m with you - I got so much more out of the conference than I thought I would. I went with few expectations, and walked away with new passions for the blogosphere.
But not in a Slutty McSlutSlut way. I reserve those passions only for you. And my husband.
August 1st, 2006 at 12:43 pm
exactly how I pictured it to be. gah!
August 1st, 2006 at 1:05 pm
Fun recap!
It was really nice to meet you.
xo
August 1st, 2006 at 1:39 pm
Ditto Liz on both counts. You are freaking (fucking?) gorgeous - show off your bad self with a new hottie pic. And stop linking that nasty bitch who apparently never had a mother herself who was so proud of her that she told others about all her accomplishments.
And thank you for the kind words. Yes, I can curse a blue streak with the best of them, but I’d love to have had more time to chat with you.
BTW, what DOES “drop a deuce” mean in Canada? Regardless, I think I’m going to adopt that statement - it made me snort my Diet Coke.
August 1st, 2006 at 1:55 pm
Puh-lease. We say “drop a deuce” here, too. It’s the number TWO, people. When you go NUMBER TWO. You know? Pinch a loaf? Drop some kids off at the pool? Give birth to a brown baby boy?
Duh.
I’m laughing and crying all while I’m reminiscing just now over this excellent post (not as long as I thought, either - I have only taken a few sips of my cuppa!) and the haiku? OMG. The haiku. I had already forgotten about the haiku.
You have a special place in my heart, girl. Now give me a Canadian ten dollar bill, damnit.
August 1st, 2006 at 2:06 pm
I loved you just as much as I thought I would.
Kisses.
August 1st, 2006 at 2:09 pm
It was so wonderful to meet you, too. I am still digesting the conference and all it’s wonderfulness. And Lemon Drops? I wish I could drink one right now… with lunch!
August 1st, 2006 at 2:57 pm
I’m never going to get anything done today with kick-ass, LONG-ass posts like this one to read!
You were awesome and I’m glad we got to sleep together before you were off giving some other ho the clothes off your back.
August 1st, 2006 at 3:16 pm
we spent like .2 seconds together. not enough, whore. NOT.ENOUGH!
August 1st, 2006 at 3:29 pm
now I’m dying to know what “drop a deuce means in Canada!
August 1st, 2006 at 3:46 pm
Karen, you are one of my top all-time favorite people I met at BlogHer. To prove it, you are the only person to appear three times in my flickr set, beating out Mir by one. I pretty much loved ALL the Canadians, though.
OMG I just realized that you-know-who got your Whatever Sweater while I was babbling maniacally at her. I feel like I had the free Backstage Pass to this post.
Thanks for the tattoo!
August 1st, 2006 at 7:30 pm
Oh Karen! It so sucks that I didn’t officially meet you until I was leaving! You are hilarious and looked like so much fun. I am happy though that I actually finally did get to meet you even though I only got to hang with you for a short while!
August 1st, 2006 at 11:02 pm
Karen,
I’ll be in Canada in October! Hope we can meet up and hang out again!
August 1st, 2006 at 11:31 pm
No, I love YOU! No, YOU! I will carry your ass water anywhere, sister.
As for the “Whatever”…I do have the “Whatever” (barely!) But the “Whatever” has been well traveled and documented!
I miss you tooooooooo much already.
I haven’t peed my pants in…like….HOURS!
August 2nd, 2006 at 1:57 am
Blogher-PaW-loo-ZAH 2006…
Needless to say I left my camera in my hotel room all weekend long. There are some pictures, thanks to……
August 2nd, 2006 at 2:08 am
Shit!!
Sounds like I missed out quite the party!
.. I mean conference.
August 2nd, 2006 at 10:53 pm
Sigh. We met, and then I turned back around to chat with you, and you had been whisked away.
Ah well. Next time, then. I very much enjoyed this recap.
August 4th, 2006 at 12:09 pm
WOW, Karen! Nice recap. Made me wish I was there and I am seriously soooooo jealous that I didn’t get to go. BUT I am going next year, so YOU had better be going too. OKAY? Okay. Anyway. I wish I got to meet you and everybody else. *sigh* I’m off to go and cry in my coffee now. JUST KIDDING. There is always next year (it’s my mantra). And you just ROCK. And, yes, you are awesome. TOTALLY AWESOME.
RAWK ON, WOMAN. . .
August 4th, 2006 at 5:10 pm
Karen,
I thought I commented on this post three days ago, but I guess I got distracted! You are the BOMB, my dear. I had so much fun getting to know you. Canada day and the Fourth of July need to get together for a smaller meeting of the nations say, in Chicago or Minneapolis????
August 11th, 2006 at 5:00 pm
See?! Look - 29 comments as of my blurb here. The hell that’s not awesome! Sheeeet, woman…
It was wonderful to meet you, oh Trollette. I look forward to hanging with you next year at BlogHer 07.