PHAT Mommy Must Be Bald
August 14, 2006
As I was working on graphics tonight, Dylan came up behind me to watch.
“Uhhhh, is that for one of your customers?”
“Yes.”
“Does she want that?”
“Want what, hon?”
“You put PHAT Mommy on it.”
“That’s her name.”
“You’re doing work for a famous person?”
“What?”
“There’s boys at school with shirts that say PHAT. Did she make them?”
“Um no. I bet she wishes she did though. That’s PHAT Farm you’re thinking of. It’s a brand.”
“Oh. So she wants to be PHAT?”
“What do you mean?”
“As in she wants to be cool, like the kids at my school?”
“Let me show you her site.” I clicked over and explained what PHAT stood for: Parenting, Homeschooling And Thriving.
“Oh. What is homeschooling?”
“It when a parent teaches their kids all about everything at home, and the kids don’t go to school like you do.”
“Cool! When are you going to do that?”
“Never.”
“Why? That would be cool.”
“For many reasons, one of which is because I don’t have the patience to teach you guys all day long.”
“Why?”
“Can you imagine spending every minute with me?”
“Yeah. Forget it. You would be bald.”
“What?”
“From ripping your hair out.”
“Nice.”
“Mom?”
“Hmmm?”
“What is thriving?”
“To grow successfully. Your brother is thriving because he eats all his vegetables. He is growing well.”
“I’m growing well. I’m 55 pounds now.”
“I know. I didn’t mean anything by that.”
Well, not really. He could eat more vegetables.
“So PHAT Mommy’s kids are thriving?”
“I imagine they are.”
“Is it because she is teaching them instead of regular teachers?”
“Yes. They probably learn more than what a regular school could teach them. But Daddy and I teach you lots of things outside of what your school teaches you. It’s not better or worse, it’s different.”
“What have you taught me?”
“I taught you how to run the vaccuum, to do laundry, and how to sew. And that was just today.”
“That’s different. I was trying to get points for my X-box.” (He is working toward 500 house points for an X-box)
“But you know how to do those things now.”
“So?”
“So, when you get out on your own, you won’t need a woman to take care of you. You will be able to do it yourself.”
“I’m not gonna make myself vaccuum. You know that, right?”
“Your choice.”
“I think homeschooling is better. Do her kids know how to vaccuum?”
“Probably. Her son is your age, so maybe.”
“He’s my age? Seven?”
“I think so.”
“Do you think he likes homeschooling?”
“I bet he does.”
“But there’s no way you will do it?”
“No. Sorry honey, it’s not in the cards for us.”
“Well you can keep teaching me chores then. I could be a maid when I grow up.”
“You’re funny.”
“I’m kidding Mom. I don’t want to be a maid. I want to have one though. And she will be pretty.”
“Oh yeah?”
“Probably not as pretty as you though.”
Laughing, “Well that’s nice honey.”
“Well without homeschooling, I probably will only be able to afford a sorta pretty maid.”
“Well, as long as it isn’t me.”
“It can’t be Mom. You’ll be in an old age home by then.”
I feel loved. And old.
“Right. You going to bed?”
“Yeah. I better. My work is done here.”
It most certainly is.
August 14th, 2006 at 11:46 pm
Bwaa haa haa! Well, he certainly convinced you, didn’t he? You tell him PHAT Mommy said he’s got a good head on his shoulders - and even without homeschooling, I bet he’ll be able to afford a hottie maid if he wants one.
August 15th, 2006 at 2:21 am
Ha! That is a great conversation you had there. I love how without homeschooling he will only be able to afford a sorta-pretty maid!
August 15th, 2006 at 6:28 am
Having been married to a man who was totally inept at taking care of himself (much less anyone else), I vowed to teach my son how to take care of himself and be as domesticated as any woman.
I felt it was my duty as a woman/mother to make sure that I trained my son so no other woman would have to…
He can cook, clean, balance a checkbook, fix the car, build furniture, and sew a mean button hole. (As a result, my daughter-in-law worships the ground I walk on.)
I’ve done my job well. Apparently, so are doing the same. And he’ll thank you for it later on in life…trust me!
And Dylan, well, he’s too cute (and smart) for words!
August 15th, 2006 at 9:51 am
Haha! I love Dylan, he’s such a witty child! And he always says the funniest things!
I miss you all!!
xoxo
August 15th, 2006 at 9:56 am
awesome conversation, LMAO
August 15th, 2006 at 10:17 am
Oh that’s priceless!
He’s got a sharp brain for sure.
August 15th, 2006 at 11:02 am
that’s priceless! thank you for the wonderful laugh.
He’s clearly a smart kid and learning a lot everywhere. (my 8yo homeschooled kid still needs some work on chores)
August 15th, 2006 at 1:00 pm
That is too funny - he is very observant and seems to be using his powers for good!
August 15th, 2006 at 1:35 pm
LMFAO! OMG… i just spit animal cookies all over my monitor! LOL
August 15th, 2006 at 4:58 pm
That was awesome. All of it. What you said, what he said, what you’ve taught him and will continue to teach him.
August 15th, 2006 at 5:35 pm
“Well without homeschooling, I probably will only be able to afford a sorta pretty maid.
LOL!!!!
August 16th, 2006 at 2:04 am
I m not gonna make myself vaccuum. You know that, right?
LOL. It’s one of the greatest parts about being a grown-up. Not having to vacuum when I don’t feel like it. Which is a lot.