Huh?
August 30, 2006
The kid across the street is mowing the lawn for his mother. His mother made him put on these ear muff things so he won’t go deaf or whatever. Doesn’t she know that boys that age all go blind anyway? (Yeah I know that doesn’t make sense - carry on) I once had a friend who’s father knocked on the bathroom door when my friend was a teenager, and said, “What are you doing in there son?” My friend yelled back, “GOIN’ BLIND DAD!”
The funniest part about the neighbour kid is that he’s mowing away, and Paranoid Mom comes out, yelling at him about something and he is pointing to his muffs, that he can’t hear her. THEN! Then she starts sweeping the grass off the driveway while he is still mowing. She’s yelling and sweeping and he’s pointing and mowing and getting grass exactly where she was sweeping. It’s hysterical to watch.
My neighbours are dumb.
Thankfully I don’t talk to those people.
Also, I unwrapped a pad this morning because my stupid period is here for the 2nd time this stupid month and the stupid little paper that holds the stupid wings down says “Have a happy period!”
Huh!?
50 Cent did a cover of Fergie’s dumb London Bridge song and it’s pretty hilarious. (Not for kids - well duh, Fiddy isn’t for kids anyway, but I have to put that in there out of moral responsibility) The original song has me saying “huh?” What the hell is Fergie’s London Bridge anyway?
Big Brother All Stars has me baffled. Baffled. Does Erika have NO BRAINS? Putting her most loyal ally on the block, and leavig herself at the hands of Boogie and Will? Huh? IF and only IF Erika gets to be final 3 with those two jokers, there is NO WAY they will take her to the end. Idiot! Dylan and I were yelling at the T.V. last night. It was a bonding moment.
This morning while changing Troll Baby, he told me he was going to take “Backpack” (from Dora) and go to Africa. Dude, the backpack is only 3 inches tall. You’re not going to fit all your chocowate milwk in there. Though you could run diaperless. And it rains there honey. You hate water, remember?
Last night I bathed Troll Baby. He clutched me for fear of Death by Drain (DUN DUN DUNNNNN) and screamed bloody murder. The front door was unlocked because Dylan was still playing outside and I had all these thoughts of passersby coming in and saving Troll Baby because clearly I was ripping off his limbs as I washed his hair. When he was done, I had more water on me than the bathmat, and my hair had turned grey. When will this stage end!? We bought the soap crayons, the Dora fizz tablets that turn the water different colours and Finding Nemo Bubble Bath that excuse me, was really hard to find. Nothing is working. Nothing.
I’m going to crumble in a heap and wait for school to start.
Edited to add: The Little Troll has been pretending to nap as I write this. I hear ALOT of banging. I’m hoping he’s building us a new shed.
August 30th, 2006 at 2:16 pm
I’m impressed that the kid was doing that much…my sons have never even tried to cut the grass for me.
As for the two periods, sounds like you have too much stress in your life. Yeah, I know…duh, Beth. Just try to do something for you once in a while.
Just to let you know, the Legal Adult went through his “non-water” stage. He’s now ocd:)
August 30th, 2006 at 2:37 pm
I see your neighbors are just as messed as mine.
Fergie pees her pants at her concerts, so clearly I don’t want to be under her London Bridge. Like ever.
I’m not cool enough to watch BB. So I’ve been told.
I’ll miss you Thomas when you go to Africa!
And fingers crossed about the shed. *Wink*
August 30th, 2006 at 7:32 pm
Sad that “artists,” musical or otherwise, are experimenting with euphemisms for sex and making boat-loads more money than you or I will ever see.
LMAO about your hair turning gray after the Troll Baby’s bath…
August 30th, 2006 at 7:41 pm
Baths … the bane of our days! Although, what’s worked for us the last few months has been to just give up on the lovely tub full of soap and bubbles (and more toys than should really even be there) and just bring him in with one of us for a shower. Now our Widget looks forward to his morning shower with Daddy and best of all … he’s clean!
August 30th, 2006 at 11:01 pm
Neighbors…going blind…boys…going blind… HILARIOUS.
I’m saving myself for you after those nice comments on Mommybloggers. Totally saving myself. I’m yours, babe.
August 30th, 2006 at 11:19 pm
Erika’s a tard, but they were right that she cannot - nobody can - win against Danielle. But yeah, she chucked her only true ally. It would have been waaaay cool had she allied with Danielle and Janelle to get Chilltown out. That wasn’t going to happen, though.
I have a perverse desire to see Janelle triumph over all of them.
August 31st, 2006 at 2:46 am
Maybe get him a special soap or washcloth or sponge-animal thingy and declare it the Super Troll Baby Bath Protector! Tell him it’s his special guard against bathtime boogeymans and the Terrible Radical Bath Meanies, and as long as he has it in his tub he’s safe from alllll the bad things he thinks come with taking a bath.
If it works, get two so you have one in reserve.
August 31st, 2006 at 6:45 am
I can relate to you having problems bathing Troll Baby. Both my kids screamed for about a year when asked to have a bath/wash hair in the toddler years. I found the only solution was to get into the bath with them, which calmed them down. I guess they felt like if I was sharing in the ‘torture’ it wasn’t so bad. Good luck!!
August 31st, 2006 at 8:07 am
If it turns out he was building a shed, can you send him over here next? Our garage is really filling up.
August 31st, 2006 at 8:12 am
FWIW, my kid screamed like she was being boiled alive every time I bathed her until she was about…oh, I guess 4, and nothing I did made a difference. At 4 she decided it wasn’t so bad if we didn’t wash her hair. You better believe she looked pretty ratty until she was almost 7. At 7 she washes her own hair with supervision and the crisis is that I can’t get her to get *out* of the tub in a timely manner.
Do we get a free pass for puberty since we dealt with all this attitude early on? *snort*
August 31st, 2006 at 1:27 pm
First off..I can finally see your blog!! I dumped my IE 7 and changed to Firefox and THERE YOU ARE!! YEY!!!
Second, I’m on my 3rd period..I totally feel ya!
Third, I WANTED DANI TO WIN!! SHE CAN’T GO HOME!!!! (we signed up for the live feeds…this weeks has been too much to miss a minute!) God am I obsessed!
Fourth, here’s the solution to Troll Baby’s bath time squabbles….quit bathing him, duh!!!
August 31st, 2006 at 2:06 pm
So, how’s Bob the Builder doin??
He’ll pass that stage. Sometimes it’s the weirdest simple thing that’ll get em thru. With Karlee it was simply allowing her a lil orange tupperware cup on the tub.
Yup… that was the magic cure all for the tubscreams.
lmao about goin blind- thanks for the reminder that my son is entering that stage of life soon. *groooan*
August 31st, 2006 at 4:50 pm
“Goin’ blind, Dad.” That’s hilarious! Maybe I need to purchase some goggles for my son to keep in his bathroom and his bedroom.
“Have a happy period.” That’s just not right. But I guess it’s better than a horoscope or fortune.
So… how’s the shed Little Troll made?
August 31st, 2006 at 11:09 pm
Dear crumpled in a heap LOL….Could you try a shower, or one of those shower hoses that your child could hold?
September 1st, 2006 at 12:06 am
Have a happy period? That’s a first for me! I’ve yet to find a pad that speaks… Send me one of those, will ya?
September 2nd, 2006 at 2:03 pm
Oh man, this is one of the funniest posts I’ve read lately. “Goin’ blind” - I think I might have wet myself. And “Have a happy period”? Who the fuck do they think they’re kidding?
As for the bath - it does get better. It took a long time for Tacy to even TOLERATE her baths. I once took the garbage out to the chute while Kyle was bathing her, and the sounds emanating from our apartment made me wonder why nobody’d ever called Child Protective Services on us.