This “Grabbing Life By the Balls” Thing Doesn’t Have to be Pretty
October 4, 2006
I’ve been reading a few blogs lately that are discussing feminism, and I have to admit, I’m a little perturbed by it all. Perhaps because I think that my energy need not be wasted on this argument. While I completely believe that every person, man or woman has the right to do pretty much anything in life (within the law of course), what I don’t believe in is this whole bunch of bullshit that women should be out there, fighting for their rights. We have them already.
We can vote. We can work. We can choose to stay home and raise kids if we like. So can men. So what’s this bullshit about, really? Why is this still an issue? Gloria Steinem did us all a great favour, many years ago, and women from then until now have taken great strides in continuing our quest for equality. So we have it now. Don’t we?
I believe we do. I have worked outside the home, inside the home, and done pretty much whatever I wanted all my life. I was raised that all people are equal and I truly believe it to this day. The one and only time I was offered a job at a lower pay rate than my male predecessor, I called my boss right there on the carpet and demanded I be paid the same as the person who had the job before me. I got what I wanted. I don’t know if bossman was thinking I wasn’t worth as much because of my gender, but I didn’t pull the gender card anyway. I demanded to know how he arrived at that number and why it wasn’t as much as the previous manager.
He explained that the department wasn’t doing well. It wasn’t turning enough profit to sustain my requested salary. That wasn’t enough of an answer for me. I explained that he chose me out of all the other candidates because of my track record at increasing profit. I questioned why my supposed strategic placement would be the exception, and proposed a 6 month probationary period on my requested salary, and in turn, I would deliver X percent increase in profit.
I proved myself. I delivered X, Y, and Z: increased profit by more than the agreed percentage, reduced costs by seeking out different suppliers, and generated more business for the company outside of the contracts we already held.
If I had a dick, I probably would have done the same thing.
My point is, we have the rights, right now. I think that women need to quit squawking and get to work at what we want to be doing. Otherwise we sound like a bunch of hens who can’t shutup already about eggs that are already laid.
Want a high-powered job? Go get it. You won’t gain success by bitching that you’re being treated differently because you’re a woman.? In the real world, that gets you an express ticket to the Land of Disrespect.? You don’t get respect by complaining that you’re not getting any.? Think of teenagers.? Would you give a teenager more respect if they were whining about how you don’t respect them?? No.? They would have to earn your respect.? So get out there and earn respect through actions. Prove women powerful by doing more than what you were hired to do. Stand up straight, know your shit, kick ass and take names.
Want to stay home and raise your children and still be considered intelligent? Command respect from your peers. Raise your kids without worrying what your neighbours are saying. What other people think of you is none of your business. Be proud of who you are and don’t let anyone tell you that you’re only a stay at home mom.There are always going to be people who are judgemental. People who are insecure themselves, and want to put down those who are happy and successful. These kinds of people don’t need a second glance.
I hate the guys
who minimize
and criticize
the other guys
whose enterprise
has made them rise
above the guys
who criticize.
Want to push paperwork? Change a law?? Flip burgers? Change diapers? Make decisions? Clean toilets? Manage people?
So do it. Quit talking about it, and do it. Man or woman, you have every right to.
October 4th, 2006 at 12:26 pm
Amen. I think you’ve nailed this one.
October 4th, 2006 at 12:35 pm
In private industy, women are still paid at a much lower percentage rate than men for equal work.
I think that THIS is the bigger issue, not “if you want it, go get it.” Instead, it’s always “if you want it at a lower pay, THEN go get it.”
I did government work, civil service if you will. There was no gender bias. Everyone took the same test for the same promotion. If you got the high score, the job was yours and Mr. Smith got the same pay as Ms. Jones. Raises were in the contract, you knew how much, and when (unless you decided to void the contract by working in your underwear, it was guaranteed).
(for statistics refer to this page:) http://blog.aflcio.org/2006/04/25/on-equal-pay-day-women-are-seeing-red/
or:
http://www.northwestern.edu/ipr/publications/newsletter/iprn0608/hartmann.html
In the home, with a working woman, there is also not any type of equality. Typically (unless your husband is a saint and walks on water) the woman works an average 8-10 hour day, still cleans, cooks, does laundry, taxi service, all the things a normal “housewife” would do even if she didn’t have a career. This can be resolved internally. Hopefully.
But it’s the perception that men have of what women are “supposed to do” that needs to be unlearned.
In raising my son, I taught him to cook, clean, make his own appointments, do his own laundry, iron, sew, and many other “woman chores.” THAT’s where it changes. If you have sons, the best thing you can do for your future daughter-in-law(s) is teach your son(s) how to take care of themselves. Otherwise, you are teaching boys to grow up with expectations of his wife that are just not realistic.
Anyone can do whatever they want to do. I totally agree with that. But when there are folks (male AND female) who still believe that a woman’s place is in the home, barefoot and pregnant, there’s just no way to bypass that type of ignorance. Especially if they are the ones signing the paychecks.
And if a woman has this type of man at home, he needs to be re-educated. And if he can’t, he’s gone. I’m not being flip. How many times have you heard the phrase “super mommy” or “superwoman?” Sure, until she has a nervous breakdown or collapses from physical exhaustion trying to do it all.
If I have to do it all, I want it all. On my terms … if I’m not treated with respect and I’m not in a partnership with my husband, then that relationship is all over but the shouting.
It was the same with a job. It took me a lot of years to figure out that the only way I was going to have a career and get paid the same as the next person doing the same job was with a contract. Working for the government gave me that and more.
October 4th, 2006 at 1:24 pm
I agree with you 100%; I have as many opportunities as my husband precisely because we have our rights and need to use them. Thank you Gloria and thank you Karen!
October 4th, 2006 at 1:46 pm
I couldn’t agree more. No one has forced me to be at home with my daughter. It was my choice & I love it. I get pretty bent when I hear how women have no choices & must fight for rights. Please. Go pick that battle in countries where women feel the need to set themselves on fire to “express themselves”. Now that is supression of women’s rights.
If there is something you don’t like or agree with, take action. Be heard. Don’t just sit on your duff & whine about it.
I think you’ve got a firecracker topic here.
October 4th, 2006 at 2:48 pm
Feminism. Meh. I don’t get it, I really don’t. Ya I’m all about equal rights for PEOPLE in general but I dont want to hear women whining about shit they think they’re not getting. Go get it if you want it! And right now, I want a new pair of boots, so I’m gonna go get them. See how easy that is?
October 4th, 2006 at 3:47 pm
I appreciate your enthusiasm, but as a woman working in a “man’s” field (I’m a computer programmer), we might have the “right” to it, but we’ll work a hell of a lot harder to get there, stay there and thrive there, and at what cost?
It’s that pesky second shift of work waiting for me when I get home… the kids needing to go to the doctors, or speech therapy, or the dog to the vets, or the groceries or laundry or any of a thousand other small, nessecary things that my husband only does as a favour, but are my “job” by default. Yet we have pretty much the same job, just different companies.
If he leaves early to pick up a sick child from school, his co-workers look at him like he’s grown another head and applaud what a wonderful father he is (but dude, shouldn’t his wife do that?). If I do the same, I get the resentful glares for leaving work unfinished and “I expect we’ll see you Saturday to make up the lost time.”. And then the glares from the school for taking so long to get there.
It’s not as simple as Want a high-powered job? Go get it. You won t gain success by bitching that you re being treated differently because you re a woman. Just because I don’t bitch doesn’t mean the bias isn’t there. It doesn’t mean I don’t walk only a client site and the first thing out of the clients mouth is “Are you *sure* you’re qualified to be here?” (before I even take off my coat). My “equality” in the world of work has led to the disturbing fact that at each and every job I have ever held, I have been sexually harassed, and most of them (along with any fundraising I’ve done) I have had people come flat out and (sometimes jokingly) accuse me of doing sexual favours.
Does that sound like equality? Does that sound like equal opportunities? Because I don’t know a single male co-worker (out of dozens over the years) who have ever experienced anything like that. If Paul get’s the promotion, it’s because he worked hard or had senority, or plays golf with the supervisor. If I get it, it’s because I must have been performing fellatio.
I appreciate the concept that “bitching doesn’t solve anything”… it doesn’t, and I gave that up about 7 years ago (right after I left a job rather than file a sexual harassment complaing). I’m as bitter as hell but I’ve shut up because you are correct, it is unprofessional and whining and unproductive.
But I think you are incorrect to feel that we’ve achieved equality with men. Far, FAR from it. The farther we come, the heavier the cost.
October 4th, 2006 at 4:31 pm
Wookie…
You make some great points, and I appreciate your comment. To clarify, I’ve worked in a man’s field also. And my husband is the type of father to take time off work to take care of one of our kids, as all fathers should strive to. Sure, we both have received our fair share of “looks” and flack. Did it stop either one of us? No. Not once. He is quick to defend his position as involved father, and set the record straight with anyone (including bosses) who have a problem with being stuck in 1950.
When accussed of performing sexual favours, what did you respond with? When harrassed, how did you handle it? How severe was it? Was the the typical immature office crap, or more serious?
The way I handled that stuff was cut and dry, however I never dealt with serious sexual harrassment. I am the type to say to someone, “That was inappropriate and don’t do it again.” Sure, I got labelled a bitch and I called people out on that too (it was usually some premadonna salesman). I guess my point is, yes, we have to stand up for ourselves in these situations, make the person who is trying to push us down accountable, but that goes for both men and women. If anyone is experiencing serious sexual harrassment at work, he or she should take all the steps possible to fix the problem. (Reporting to company authorities, police, etc.) I speak from 3rd hand experience on this, but the system does work for those who can stand all the flack. Someone very close to me reported ongoing harrassment and the harrassing party, after much investigation, was found guilty and asked to leave. Sure, it’s an ugly situation, but whether you make $10K a year or $10 million a year, it isn’t enough to put up with that crap.
And the fact remains, we have every right to speak up, defend, go after the jobs of our dreams, and demand fair treatment as people, not just as women.
I guess I’m a humanist, not a feminist. Clear as mud, right?
With all due respect,
Karen
October 4th, 2006 at 6:01 pm
In response to JJ’s comment:
I think that THIS is the bigger issue, not if you want it, go get it. Instead, it s always if you want it at a lower pay, THEN go get it.
And if you DON’T want it at lower pay, go somewhere else. (Which seems to be what you did going into civil service.) I get really annoyed when women whine about not getting equal pay, or whining about this issue in PA where a woman can be denied a job if she’s a mother. You know what? A private company should be able to hire ANYONE they want at WHATEVER pay they see fit. If the employee does not like it, they can find another job. If everyone worked on this pure capitalist principle, I think we’d find that employers would be MUCH more eager to please in order to attract the best employees.
Good post Karen.
October 4th, 2006 at 6:51 pm
Ahhh feminism.
The radical notion that a woman should be a man.
The “man’s world” type people are just as hard on other men as they are on women, usually in different ways and for different things.
Having worked as a firefighter, one of the biggest “man’s world” fields there are.
I, and those I worked with, didn’t care if someone was a man or a woman.
As long as you were physically able to do the work (i.e. pull someone from a burning building), could be trusted to do your job when the chips were down, did your fair share of the mop-up, and kept on top of your ‘house chores, you were ok by us.
I am unaware of any disparity in pay. I didn’t hold a survey, but I never heard any kvetching either.
Life is what you make of it.
October 4th, 2006 at 7:28 pm
When the media stop commenting on what Hillary Clinton is wearing, then feminists can stop fighting. When women get paid what men do for the same work, then feminists can stop fighting. When men are entitled to long (months worth of) paternity leave, then feminists can stop fighting. When women can be whatever size they want and still think of themselves as beautiful, feminists can stop fighting. When aging actresses no longer deform themselves through surgery, when little boys stop assuming all doctors are men, when a woman is president, is Secretary General of the UN, is pope, is head of half of major US corporations, when housework is equally split, when women’s work is no longer low class work (nursing, teaching, child-rearing, cleaning), when rape is not a weapon of war, when women are not burned on their husbands pyres, when women can safely confront their harrassers, when rape is illegal within marriage world-wide, when prostitution is legalized, when all of us entitled middle class women and men stand up and proudly announce, if for no other reason then to honor the women who fought for our rights, “I am a feminist” without fear of being called a harpy, a bitch, a clucking hen or a has-been, then feminists can rest. Not until then. And we are a long long way from there. And part of what shows how far feminism has to go is that we are handed and buying(!) the illusion that we’ve “won” and that it’s all over. Right.
Tell those in Darfur that life is what they make it. Or Liberia. Or the teenaged girls married off by their pastor. Or women asked at job interviews if they have children. We all live in boxes and some of those boxes are small and stifling and some are large and part of their cruelty is that they’re hard to see and the locks are half-invisible.
October 4th, 2006 at 8:23 pm
I totally get what you’re saying and in many ways I agree.
But I think the reason women are still on the feminist thing is that even though under the law we are equal, in many other ways, we still have along way to go and in talking about it, we can energize and inspire each other to do more, reach higher and expect better from ourselves and society.
I’m with you, though, about doing your damnedest to go out and get whatever it is you want, whether it involves waving a sign or signing a petition to get there or just proving ourselves as the ass-kickingly awesome women we are.
October 4th, 2006 at 8:24 pm
Life is about what we do with what we have, not what we’re given, what we think we deserve, or what we think we’re entitled to.
I will tell that to anyone.
October 4th, 2006 at 11:28 pm
Francesca,
I wanted to stand up and applaud at the end of your comment. Honestly. I completely see your point of view. Let’s, for a moment, keep this discussion within North America. Reason being, I’m talking about the discussions I’m seeing on blogs about women “standing up” to defend their choice of whether to work, stay at home, work at home, be a parent in the first place, etc. While I completely believe we should help all people in violent/dangerous situations, I’m talking about here at home. Canada and the U.S. are very similar in culture.
Here in Canada, a man can in fact take the entire year of maternity leave as a paternity leave if he so desires. I know of couples who have done this. I am not familiar with the U.S. maternity/paternity laws, so maybe someone could enlighten me there.
As for self-image (you referenced actresses and people who feel they need to lose weight etc), I really think people need to start accepting themselves, and not worry what society says. WE are society! Media should not dictate - though we do have the choice to tune it out.
I don’t feel that I’ve been handed and am buying the notion that it’s alright, and it’s over. I just think that people need to take life by the horns and quit talking so much about the idealism of equality.
For all the things you listed above, I can think of that many more where men are unfairly treated.
Truth is, it’s harder for a young white male to get certain kinds of jobs where those in charge have enforced policies that dictate what kinds of people can be hired. So if Bobby, Billy and Betty apply for the job, and Bobby and Billy have the best qualifications, but the bosses have to hire a woman, either Bobby or Billy gets the unfair rejection due to so-called gender equality practices, and the company in this situation loses out on at least one ideal candidate.
How is that fair?
I really think we ALL need to get out there and prove ourselves as the best at what we have to offer, and stop worrying about who’s got what between their legs.
Karen
October 5th, 2006 at 6:17 am
Whew. Read the post. Read the comments. There is a lot to process here. This will be meandering and will roll off as I think it so you probably won’t be able to follow it all. lol
For me? I kinda prefer the “traditional” roles. I’m sick to shit of getting lambasted for it from my co-workers (okay, ex-coworkers now.) One woman even told me I was “setting back the women’s movement by 50 years” for my opinions on it. Me? One single little me is setting the whole thing off course? Well hell…lemme see if I can rock this Earth off it’s axis, too while I’m at it.
Now that being said, it’s what *I* prefer. Does that make me less of a woman because of it? I don’t think so. I think it makes me a strong woman who chooses her own damn path rather than following “those who came ahead of me.” Does that mean it’s right for every woman? No way. I think it is a problem of finding one’s path.
And it IS hard for my husband (like you said) to get a promotion in his line of work (teacher) due to him being white, middle aged male in that profession. Although he is well qualified, hard-working and educated for it. That is disheartening for him and for me to see him not get that new principal position because it was given to a Hispanic woman fresh out of her Master’s program.
Me? I don’t want to be a man. I don’t want a “man’s” job. I’m not going to go be a construction worker. I’m not going to become a CEO of a company. I’m not going to be a fucking secretary either. I make more than my husband (when I work.) I never see it as any “woman power” thing. I see it as an opportunity that presented itself to me and I took. Does that make him less of a man? Does that make me more of a woman? No. We’re humans making the best we can with what we’ve worked for and used the opportunities at hand. Simple as that.
I have more to say but I already blahblahblah’d too much in your comments.
October 5th, 2006 at 10:37 am
I freaking hate (todays) feminists, but you already know that.
I freaking hate activists, zealots.
People piss me off.
October 5th, 2006 at 12:33 pm
First, I need to apologize, because I completely ranted and I’m sorry. 7 years of keeping my mouth shut exploded all at once.
Just to clarify some maternity/parental leave laws, I believe in Canada parental leave is 35 weeks, maternity leave (not eligeable for men, only people giving birth) is 15 or 16 weeks paid. So dad’s cant take the whole year off, but they can take a chunk and my husband did with our first as well.
The matertnity leave policies in the States are absolutely barbaric. Last time I read up it was 12 weeks, unpaid, your job is protected as long as your company is above a certain size.
I also would like to applaud Francesca.
I think when I mull over it, the problem is that the legal battles have been fought and largely won in north america, but the invisible and far more insiduous battles are far from over. Just because you have the legal right to challenge a sexual harasser doesn’t always mean you can afford to loose the job while you do. Just because something isn’t supposed to be right or even legal doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen. Sometimes, the fight is too costly for yourself and your family.
And anyone who “hates feminists” should have their right to vote taken away. Sorry, pet peeve of mine.
October 5th, 2006 at 1:35 pm
Dehumanize the opposition much?
October 5th, 2006 at 1:36 pm
Sorry. Pet peeve of mine.
October 5th, 2006 at 3:49 pm
Funny, humans voting has really only been a recent invention of politics.
Certainly not a human right and not even a right of women in most of the world. I just am a little blown away that someone in our “enlightened” society can forget how much of what they currently enjoy as a right is really a recently won privilege.
October 5th, 2006 at 8:16 pm
I love KG. Big giant bunches.
I love Charred. Lots and lots.
I don’t like zealots and preachers.
October 5th, 2006 at 8:31 pm
For Karen, especially -
Thanks for your response to my rant, which heartened me considerably. I had felt nervous, delurking so suddenly and vehemently but you made me feel that if we had the chance to sit face to face, with a couple of glasses of wine, that we would probably discover that we mostly agree with one another, or at least, agree on enough that the conversations would be fun and disagree enough that it would be lively.
I started to call myself a feminist in high school, having avoided the label for years in fear that no boy would want to french kiss a feminist which was higher on my list than political activism. I did it first out of respect for all those who made my path so much easier, who had created a world of choice for me. Later on, I grew to believe that there were many issues left to work on and that feminism was an ideology I wholeheartedly believed in.
Of course, there are many strains of feminism (although I don’t think any of them think women should be men. There might be a few who think the opposite, but not many) just like socialists or free-market capitalists don’t all see exactly eye to eye on all issues. But the root of feminism is frankly something you yourself wrote and a couple of commenters echoes: that regardless of our plumbing, we should live the lives we hope to lead, that we should do the best we can and not get stuck in the mire of navel (or plumbing) gazing when that stands between us and living. That men and women alike should live thus. That all our choices (traditional or not, men and women both) should be respected.
And affirmative action is the pits. Yo.
October 5th, 2006 at 8:47 pm
I bet you’re right Francesca. Maybe the word feminism is getting a bad rap.
My point was that some of the things today’s North American women bloggers are harping about are already things that they are able to claim for themselves without having to stand up and shout “feminism!”
Wookie - thank you for clarifying the mat leave laws. As for your argument about voting and ‘right vs. privilege?’ It doesn’t matter as far as my point goes, in my opinion. We can vote. More of us should. That’s a whole other story though. I’d be willing to bet that alot of these women bloggers crabbing about feminism, didn’t vote. A too small percentage of women vote. Why is that I wonder?
October 5th, 2006 at 9:38 pm
wookie,
Voting is not a recent political convention. Yes, historically only the societal elite had an actual vote, but people have always found a political voice of some kind whenever they have felt the need. Voting, in one form or another, has always existed.
However, this has nothing to do with the real issue to which I was speaking: the attitude behind your “take away their vote” comment.
The feminist sees “modern” feminism as the path whereby women can improve their lives, a just and righteous cause; which is fair enough, everyone has their own viewpoints and opinions, I have no problem with that.
However, because they see feminism as this great, wonderful, GOOD thing, they feel justified in classifying anyone with a dissenting opinion as sub-standard or second-class. After all, “anyone who can’t see feminism as wonderful and liberating to all women must be either stupid or evil, so we can decry, persecute, and demonize those who disagree with us as we see fit in furtherance of our sociopolitical goals.”
THAT is what I have a problem with.
This attitude is not just common among today’s feminists, it is the previling attitude of almost all of today’s political activists, and I, for one, find this disturbing.
You don’t think there’s sufficient evidence to support the theory that man is responsible for global warming?
You must be an idiot.
You don’t oppose drilling for oil in Alaska? Own a hybrid vehicle? Recycle your newspapers?
You obviously hate the Earth, and must be stopped before you kill us all.
Do you eat meat? Wear fur? Use cosmetics that may have been tested on animals?
You are a sadistic SOB who enjoys torturing animals and small children. We should lock you away before you start hunting us all like the unstable, deranged visigoth you are.
Can you say “Orwellian-style Thought Police en utero?”
I knew you could.
October 5th, 2006 at 9:44 pm
Ah lurves yew tew, Miss Ann.
October 5th, 2006 at 9:50 pm
Voting right vs. privilege is a wholly different can of worms, let me see if I can summarize rather than rant
Okay, voting as is currently practiced, democracy, where the “everyman” can vote, is a relatively concept for humanity. Formerly, the ruling class was either inherited through bloodlines, bribery, marriage or bloody war.
However, in the last hundred years, feminists have fought very hard to ensure that women also have this ability along with men. Also for women to be able to own property, earn money, all things that for thousands and thousands of years were non-issues, as women have long been more chattel than human beings. So we’ve made all these fabulous strides towards equal rights.
So voting used to be something was available for very few people (the ability to vote or to affect your choice of leader without violence), a privilege. Within the last couple of hundred years (at least in North America), democracy gained popularity as a political model and now it is available to “Everyone”, a right. It just took longer (and a lot of hard work) to include women in the definition of “everyone”.
So it really blows my brain-pan when I hear someone complain along the lines of “I hate feminists” because if you are a woman, you are taking a lot of what you enjoy today as a “right” for granted. Similar to how it really angers me when people complain about how much they hate local issue X or Y and yet don’t vote.
October 5th, 2006 at 10:53 pm
Pfft.
Did you notice anything go whizzing over your head? It was my point, and you missed it completely.
You want to discuss the history of voting?
Fine.
The Ancient Greeks (circa 508 BC) had one of the earliest democracies, wherein only males over 21 who owned land were able to vote.
In 1776 America, voting was restricted to white male landowners who were also Protestant (were I alive then, I would not have been allowed to vote because I do not yet own land); I believe the theory was along the lines of only those who physically owned part of the country should have a say in how it was run.
It wasn’t until 1830 that democracy at large recognized that all white men (over 21) had the “right” to vote, and religion and property ownership really began to be dropped as requirements for voting by many states. If I remember correctly, the theory behind this was “one vote per household.”
About 40 years later, democracy at large recognized that all black men (over 21) had the “right” to vote when the 14th and 15th amendments were passed.
In 1920, 50 years after the 15th amendment was passed, and 90 years after the voting “rights” of all white men (over 21) were recognized, women’s suffrerage was made official by the 19th amendment. The theory has now become “one vote per adult.”
One could argue that it took 2338 years (from 508 BC to 1830) for white men (over 21) to secure their own voting “rights,” and only 90 years more for them to share that “right” with women.
More’s to the point, it can be said that in the long view, NOBODY has had the “right” to vote very long, and we all have a tendency to take this “right” for granted.
ANYONE, male or female, who doesn’t vote, yet feels entitled to gripe about local (OR NATIONAL) issue X, Y, or Z is a fool.
October 6th, 2006 at 11:49 am
LOVE the exchange of ideas!
Here’s my two cents: FEMINISM is the radical idea that women are people.
The concept is really that simple.
October 6th, 2006 at 3:28 pm
Personally, I think that feminism could use a new direction (or a new movement within the many sub-movements -or- maybe there’s already a faction working on this goal somewhere that I’m not aware of)…
I think that we need to stop trying to fight for our right to be a part of (what is traditionally considered to be) a man’s world and, instead, focus on using all of the power that we are seen to have, traditionally, as women & make the whole world a better place for women and for men. To make the world as a whole more of a ‘woman’s world’. To teach men the joy that can be found in the more (traditionally) feminine way of living and then giving them the power to live that way despite any societal pressure to be more ‘manly’.
Seems to me like we’re spending a lot of energy trying to fit into a kind of world that doesn’t really make us any happier, much of the time, anyway.