Bitchy Stranger Day
October 30, 2006
It was a gorgeous day here. The sun was shining, Daren was on his way to his first day of a new local project, and aside from Troll Baby having to get an aero-chamber, inhaler, and antibiotics, he was in great spirits and incredibly charming. My poor baby. I almost whisked him off to marry him, he was that charming.
Despite the light step in all our feet today, it seemed there was a thundercloud looming over the city. Something was shoved far up the butts of our fine city’s citizens. I declare October 30th, Bitchy Stranger Day.
My first stop was to drop Daren off at his new site. It’s a busy place, and there are alot of people walking around, trying to catch buses, get to where they need to be on time, blah-diddy-blah. Why, when there was alot of sidewalk to be had, were there morons, walking down the CENTRE of the FRIKKING ROAD? One young girl called her friend’s name to move out of the path of my car, but the little snot shrugged her shoulders and kept walking. Nice.
Next stop: the doctor’s office. After waiting maybe 10 minutes, Troll Baby decided to poop and I had left the diaper bag in the car. A woman in the waiting actually clucked her tongue and waved her hand in front of her nose. I WANTED TO SLAP HER. Have you never taken a shit woman? I curse you with raging diarrhea, my eyes willed at her.
Sidenote though: I had to change Troll Baby while he was standing up (it’s a small bathroom), and asked him to turn towards me so I could get the other tab done up, so he turned only his head towards me. I laughed and twisted his body toward me, and said, “No honey, your whole body.” He grinned and replied, “My head is on.”
That’s good kid, maybe you should drive.
Once we were done there, we picked up Daren (first days are usually short) and went off to lunch. We stopped to get Dylan’s costume and this car pulled in on Troll Baby’s side just as I was walking around to get him out. The driver was about 20, a female, and as I was bending over to get Troll Baby out, she got out of her car, threw her cigarette on the ground and it rolled, and stopped right beside my foot.
I popped my head out of the car, “Hey! What the hell?”
She looked down at my feet, “Oh. Sorry.”
“The world isn’t your ashtray,” I shot back. I’m becoming one of those ex-smokers.
She turned and walked away. Bitch.
BUT WAIT! THERE’S MORE!
At the grocery store, there was a lady ahead of us in the bank kiosk that was treating the customer service lady like total shit. On top of that, if she was firing two brain cells, one was lost and the other was looking for it. There is nothing worse than stupid bitchy people. They get bitchier when flustered, don’t they? I don’t understand so I’m going to talk to you like you’re dirt, mmmkay?
While we waited, and waited, and waited for this remedial bank customer lady to figure out how to deposit her check that wasn’t actually made out to her but was to pay off a credit card (hint: mail it to the credit card company), Troll Baby pooped again. Seeing as this city is stuck in 1965, there are only change stations in the women’s washroom and the last time Daren went in the women’s washroom to prove a point regarding this, people got very upset. And nearly arrested. My hero.
I realized once I got to the washroom that we didn’t have any diapers in the diaper bag. IMAGINE. So he went commando. It was a new sensation for him so he tugged at himself until I bought new diapers and took him BACK to the bathroom and stuck one on his butt.
I returned to the bank kiosk just as the remedial bank customer lady is finishing up. The bank rep was with us about a minute when the remedial bank customer lady came back and stood there, staring at the bank rep. I know, SO psycho and creepy, right? I looked at her and smiled, “Looks like you’ll be getting back in line, eh?” She ended up leaving. I guess the pistons were firing enough to figure out whatever she wanted.
Even leaving the grocery store, there was this one woman who I swear was gunning her car to hit us as we crossed in the crosswalk. Daren thought she was doing at least 60 km/hr. You know you’ve watched CSI too often when you’re contemplating how they would figure out whether it was murder or not, by where the bumper hits you whether the car was accelerating or braking.
We got home in one piece, only to leave again for hockey. As I pulled Troll Baby out of the car, he asked, “We going to da honky wink?”
“The honky rink?” I asked, as Daren watched on.
“Nooooo, the HON-KEEE WINK.”
Daren laughed, “Yeah, it looks like this,” and with that, he scrunched one eye shut, bit his lower lip and started dancing like only a white man can.
October 31st, 2006 at 2:03 am
I love it! The Hon-kee wink! That is hilarious!
Im sorry every one was so terrible today!
October 31st, 2006 at 4:35 am
At least Troll Baby was having a good day, a couple of craps and a tug, what more could he ask for??
October 31st, 2006 at 4:42 am
I thought unfriendly thoughts toward someone who pissed me off yesterday and I wrote about it too.
October 31st, 2006 at 7:53 am
hahahaha…cursing someone with raging diarrhea. At least the baby had a good day.
October 31st, 2006 at 8:49 am
Oh my thank you for the laugh. I needed it this morning.
October 31st, 2006 at 10:07 am
So sorry about the bitchy strangers, man oh man that happens to often to count sometimes. I feel so sorry for anyone in customer service as they always seem to be getting yelled at by some moron. And don’t even get me started on the idiots who sit and wait for me to load up 3 kids, buckle them in, load the double stroller and the groceries, all the while watching me and waiting for me to leave so they can park close to the f***ing store! OK, I feel better now….
October 31st, 2006 at 11:29 am
I don’t know what’s wrong with people lately. When did basic manners become passe?
November 1st, 2006 at 2:15 pm
I wanna go to the Hon-keeeeeee wink…hahahahaha! The world isn’t your ashtray! I’m so using that next time someone assclown flicks their butt at me…LOL
November 1st, 2006 at 11:00 pm
heeeh…and people wonder why I hate going out in public. Seems like you’ve been hit with my horrid predisposition to encountering idiots at every turn. woohoo! congrats!
November 5th, 2006 at 10:09 am
[...] Also yesterday, at the *honky wink,* there was a woman there, bent over, tying her kids shoe or something. I couldn’t tell you what she was doing because her entire ass was hanging out of her low rise jeans and the tiny string of fabric in her asscrack wasn’t doing anything to cover it. In a moment of snarkicism, I tapped her on the shoulder and said, “Your butt is hangin’ out.” [...]