Now That It’s Over, I Can Talk About It
October 30, 2006
Have you read the book More Parts?
Just the three of us.
One of my ‘parts’ has been missing for the last few months. A piece of my heart. I missed so desperately his touch, his kiss, his warm embrace made of giant arms and whiskery chin.
He hasn’t been here to tuck the kids in every night. Not to kiss me long and hard after a day at work, not to compliment my latest dinner experiment, not to pinch my butt when I load the dishwasher. It physically hurt not to have him here.
Daren was on a special project for work and only came home on weekends. I still get teary when I think of him, alone in a hotel room. You have to understand us, really understand us to know how hard this was. Daren is a real family man. He is an very involved father, and a very affectionate husband. Not one day goes by that he doesn’t tell us that he loves us. He is the man of my dreams, the love of my life. I know we have alot to be thankful for.
Taking care of the kids and the house was the easy part. It was crawling into bed at night, adjusting the pillows just so, trying to get his scent into my nose, thinking of him. I cried nearly every night, wishing he was here to wrap his arms around me. He tells me that was the hardest part of his day too.
Every Friday night, the kids would hear the dog freak out at the key in the door, and they would scramble up the stairs, screaming “Daddy! Daddy!” Little arms would be around his legs and neck before he could put his overnight bag down. Ruffy gingerly stepped between the fray trampled the kids to sniff his crotch. I would stand close, watching my boys tackle their Daddy, watching my fur-daughter get shooed from his nuts. His eyes met mine and he pulled me close, wrapping his hand behind my head, fingers in my hair, and then the mesh of lips. Absence may make the heart grow fonder, but his return electrified me. Every. Single. Week.
I didn’t want to mention his absence before, for safety reasons. The safety of my family is very important to me. You will notice some changes here too, in light of recent threats. No more pictures of my kids. Some posts have been deleted entirely. I never did give details of our lives, like school names, full names or routines. I have nearly 500 posts to scour. (Holy shit! 500!)
Well he’s home for good. My parts are all back in place. ‘Till my eyes fall out from fixing this blog.
In other news, it’s been a month and three days since I quit smoking. My lungs are healing from the pneumonia, and I’m thinking of re-opening my business in the next week or two. I just have some very special customers to take care of first.
Things are lookin’ good.
******
Wives of men who can’t be home, and widows, whether you have children or not, I applaud you. How you manage everything, absolutely astounds me. I’ve only had a small experience of what it must be like for you. I thought of you often over these last few months. Maybe that sounds silly or trite, but there it is. You are so brave and amazing.
October 30th, 2006 at 1:04 am
I am so proud of you for quitting smoking. My mom smoked for 60 years (not a typo) and our relationship has been so much better since she quit, because now I can breathe at her house.
My dad was on assignment about 5 hours away for 9 months when I was 12 or so. It was sooooo hard to watch him drive away every Sunday night. I am glad Daren is home with you again.
October 30th, 2006 at 1:45 am
Congratulations on quitting smoking! Im soo glad you did it!!
Im soo glad that you got your husband home. Adam was gone for 3 weeks this year on assignment, I slept like 2 hours a night. Ive never, ever been that attached to anyone. So it was shocking to me to be that heartsick over a man that I am not even married to! We have lived together since August of last year, not married though. It really taught me that I can trust him, which is a big issue for me with my past. One day I will explain that!
Enjoy your family! Family makes the world go round (at least if you ask me it does)!
October 30th, 2006 at 4:26 am
Am a new visitor.
I know the feeling of missing a loved one. It’s horrible. And the dread (inevitable) of what they’re up to. The great thing is that myself and her are over that initial stage of doubt!
It’s good to hear that you’ve quit smoking. Keep it up! My dad use to smoke. My mom made him stop as soon as my sisters and I were born. I have nothing against smokers, it’s just that I want to have my dad around when I’m older. Health scares just remind us of that!
I never thought anyone would be interested in threatening other’s over the internet. I’ve heard of cyberbullying and all, but it just seems a bit no-lifey to me to even bother with that. Scary!
October 30th, 2006 at 5:20 am
Glad to hear you’re back in one piece again. I know what those feelings are like, when you’re other half is off somewhere else. I sleep very badly even if it’s just for one night!! I think that’s just the way it is for some of us.
October 30th, 2006 at 9:27 am
we had 3 months where my husband lived in another state, and was only home on weekends. It was so, so hard. I’m so glad D is home now.
Thanks for the tip - I just requested all 3 Parts books through the library! Sounds like wonderful books.
October 30th, 2006 at 10:16 am
Oh dear…I have dreamt of a Friday night reunion with Eric for so long…I am sorry that you had to experience the loneliness.
I still smell his pillow and sweatshirts (which are NOT getting washed, dammit).
October 30th, 2006 at 12:41 pm
I remember when my hubby was away for 3 months working and the first few days, it was kinda like a vacation. I could hog the bed, the blankets, the tv AND computer, get by without making big meals (the kids loved spur of the moment picnics and takout) and if I didn’t get his socks washed for a few days, no biggie since he would be gone for over 90 days! But that feeling evapourated soon after when I missed his eyes, his smell, his touch, missed having an extra pair of hands to help with the kids, taking us out every Friday night and being lazy with us on Sunday’s. It was a hard 3 months but we got through it. My heart goes out to those women (and men), who’s partner isn’t coming back for whatever reason.
October 30th, 2006 at 1:23 pm
Congrats on quitting smoking! *cheer*
So you are one of the two that has been targeted? I’d say not to let anyone intimidate you into changing anything about your life, but then again, I don’t know the particulars of the situation either.
Much love and safe thoughts to you and yours.
October 30th, 2006 at 5:24 pm
First time reader…came over from Y’s site. I am military and have to go out of town for weeks at a time. I know the feeling of being away…but you put it way better than I could have. And congrats on quitting.
October 30th, 2006 at 5:27 pm
It is rough on wives to have their husbands gone from them. I’m glad for you that Daren is home and you are all happy.
I’m sorry that you have been threatened and had to remove pictures and other things. Ireally enjoyed them.
Good luck on sticking with the no smoking and that you’re lungs are healing.
October 30th, 2006 at 10:22 pm
I can relate to this-my husband spent two years traveling the country on business, only coming home every other weekend. It was a very hard time, but it made the boys and I a lot closer. So glad you have your honey back home.
November 1st, 2006 at 1:58 pm
I understand this completely. Especially because I’m not the day-to-day parent, when Nate’s out of town for a few days it’s not so easy to hold it together. I respect single parents big time. BIG time.
Glad he’s back and even better, WHOOOOO on the smoking! We’re here whenever you just need to scream.
November 1st, 2006 at 4:50 pm
Welcome back! I went through a similar experience with a horrid c*nt of a troll. Like you, it was during a time when my husband travelled for 3 months solid only coming home on weekends. I, too, never mentioned it out of (irrational in my case) fear for my family’s safety.
Anyway! Glad you that time is over for you, and congrats on quitting smoking!
November 1st, 2006 at 5:49 pm
My beloved is exactly the same way. I’m so glad yours is home.
November 1st, 2006 at 7:20 pm
My family (wife and three sons) were separated by work twice, once for 10 months and three years later for 5 months (about 15 years ago). Me in Oregon and them in Montana, with weekend visits about once every six weeks.
It was hell, but I have to say in retrospect that it probably strenghtened our relationship in many ways. We celebrated our 31st anniversary this year, looking forward to our 75th.
Congrats on the smoking thing. Everyone’s rooting for you.
November 1st, 2006 at 8:33 pm
OK, way wonderful on having hubby home. I TOTALLY get it, and we’ve never even been separated, aside from 3 times when I was in the hospital (one time, before child, he stayed in the hospital with me, right there in the room, for two weeks).
But, for real? I AM SO FREAKING PROUD OF YOU over the smoking cessation. Seriously, Karen. I understand how hard it is, and I’m so awed and proud of you for deciding to give that gift to your family, especially your children, and yourself. You GO, girl. And seriously, put your erstwhile ciggie money in a jar every day, then buy yourself a present once a month or so!
November 8th, 2006 at 11:48 pm
[...] Having Daren home every night again has been wonderful.? Not just because he wraps his body around mine when we climb into bed, and not just because there’s an extra set of hands to help with [insert mundane chore here], but because of these: [...]