Halloween Candy: What we mocked, then threw away
November 1, 2006
Halloween was KILLER FUNNY. The kids got dressed after dinner, Dylan in his hockey uniform, mascara and lipstick smudged on his face so he looked like he got into a fight. That’s cool, dontcha know? Daren shoved a big plastic pompadour on his head - solid plastic instant hairstyle. Thomas dressed as a cow - completely his choice. It was one of those hooded comfy suits and when he ran after Dylan down the sidewalk, his tail swinging to and fro. What a sight.
Thomas was afraid to trick or treat at first. So him and I hung out with Cindy while her triplets went with their Dad and Daren and Dylan to conquer the neighbourhood. After handing out candy for a while, we tried trick or treating. Three houses into it, a nice lady dropped a Kit Kat into Thomas’ bag and he shoved her screen door shut and said, “We go to anudder house now.” It took 13 more houses before I could get him to say thank you himself. “Sank you we go to anudder house now?”
On we went. His 2 year old legs would have taken him longer than the hour we spent going to anudder house after anudder house, but we met up with Dylan and the kids were soon screaming to “Go to Gramma’s so we can say trick or treat to her…and den we go to anudder house.”
On the way there, we were all singing, laughing, being generally pretty silly, and Daren piped up, “You know what I LOVE about our family?”
Dylan squealed, “MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!” and of course Thomas parroted him. Soon we were all in stitches again, and once we settled down, Daren said, “What I was going to say is what I love about our family is that we laugh alot.”
And then, not a word of a lie, we all looked to the right as we approached an intersection, just as a kid on his bike braked, flipped the bike, jumped over the handlebars and got hit in the ass with it. The laughter roared.
So once the kids were bathed and the little one was in bed, Daren and I got to work on the candy. Every year we get some bizarre stuff, and I like to sort it, chucking the hard candy, toffee and anything that looks suspect. Here’s about 10% of what we threw out:
This substance is not allowed in my home and if I knew someone had dropped this shit in one of my kids’ bags, I do believe I would have said “No sanks.”
So they had a flood at a suppository factory and decided to add sugar?
Mmmm…a Gummy Mummy. Is that like the candy version of the Stripper Mom that lived on the next street?
I stared and stared at this stupid thing and could not figure out what the hell it was. All unindentifiable candy must report to the garbage can.
Oh this is different. Freeze it and then use a sharp knife to slice it in half and hopefully red dye number 5 won’t reach my carpet? Um no. Incidentally, right after I handed Daren this to toss, he picked up a plastic package and tilted it back and forth, watching the blue liquid swish, and said, “Pfft. Look at this. There isn’t even a label on it.”
“Honey? It’s a freezie.”
Ha ha ha ha ha. Get out of my house, slutipop.
Why do I feel McDonald’s in behind this in some way?
Would you like fries with that?
These were just gross. And partially unwrapped. I nearly threw them in a Ziploc and into the freezer.
And finally, this. Tom Petty called. He wants his broom back. Someone has WAY too much time on their hands. Though, after this post, it’s pretty apparent that it’s me.
November 1st, 2006 at 2:20 pm
Nice fucking candy. Remind me not to go trick or treating there…hahahahha! Those fingers are NASTY! And what the hell is that last thing? Done by a drunk Martha Stewart?
November 1st, 2006 at 3:53 pm
What the F?
We just got regular people candy.
November 1st, 2006 at 4:49 pm
Wha?? What’s up with all the weird gummy candy in your neighborhood?
And I had to laugh at the freeze-pop thing and the fact that they note it is “Aseptic”. Thank goodness they told me that, or I’d have thought it was nothing but liquid bacteria!
November 1st, 2006 at 7:19 pm
totalyl random question, but where the hell does the “other” post keep disappearing too?!! it’s there and then it’s gone.. so confused
November 1st, 2006 at 7:33 pm
Good lord, honey! I’ve never seen such odd candy in my life. Who ever came up with those fingers? {{Shudder}} We went with the standard chocolate - Snickers, Milky Way, Kit-Kat - easy to disseminate, easy for the kids to eat. We got tons of children (considering that we live out in the boonies with hordes of cows and chicken farms). Our pumpkin was a hit - and luckily we didn’t get any of the difficult kids that were featured on this morning s local radio. Can you believe some teenager just waltzed into someone’s house after declaring he intended to get some water? Whatever happened to manners? Our local kids are mostly OK. It s a small community. For instance - I always buy Christmas paper from the kids in the yellow house. The nine year old down the road is whom I get Girl Scout cookies from every year. You get so you know whom to expect though this year there were kids coming in by the truck full kids I didn t recognize. Ah well. Everything changes.
November 1st, 2006 at 8:21 pm
Wow, that is some weird candy!!! Those toes would definitely gross me out:o)
November 1st, 2006 at 9:32 pm
we don’t allow the evil play-doh either, but we’re allergic.
funny thing? we got no gummi candies. And that’s all my kids can eat (allergy-wise). pffft. We should ToT in your neighborhood instead. We were planning to give out Spongebob Crabby Patties and gummi body parts, but ended up ToT-ing in a friend’s neighborhood.
We got a ton of lovely full size chocolate bars. My husband took almost 30 lbs of chocolate to work today! (we give the kids a toy from the “sugar sprite” in exchange for all the candy they’re allergic to)
November 1st, 2006 at 9:56 pm
I can’t help but notice that most of the really weird-looking stuff appears to be the same brand. Put them out of business, please. I much prefer the Canadian Death-Candy that JenB sent me that time.
November 1st, 2006 at 9:56 pm
Yeah, that above was me, without my full name, for some reason.
November 1st, 2006 at 10:26 pm
What is with this candy? Is this a canada thing. The kids got M&M’s and stuff. The weirdest thing we got was some cookies from our neighbor! I want the barbie-slut stick!
November 1st, 2006 at 11:28 pm
What weird candy. But why the playdo? we make our own so if there is a politically incorrect reason I do not know it….
November 2nd, 2006 at 12:35 am
ARG! So THAT’S where those stupid little tubs of playdoh came from! I confiscated three of them today from my grade FIVES. It never even occurred to me that they got them trick or treating. I was like, “what the heck is with these little play-dohs???”
The better question is why do my students feel it’s ok to play with them all day at their desks??? Arg!
November 2nd, 2006 at 8:22 am
It sounds like your family had a great Halloween!
November 2nd, 2006 at 10:27 am
Am I the only one that thinks sick, mutated finger candy is cool? I mean…come on…its Halloween! What little kid wouldn’t get a total kick out of something gross.
My son really wanted candy puke to hand out this year. I almost did it, too.
November 2nd, 2006 at 11:53 am
At least it was “halloweenish”. Except for the Playdoh. Guess what the Boy Scout got in his sack? A Jesus video. His buddy got a bible. Apparently, this neighbor doesn’t believe in handing out candy.
The Pickle and Thomas ought to get together next Halloween. They would have a blast!
November 2nd, 2006 at 12:21 pm
Awwww.. Sounds like Thomas had a blast! Trick or treating is for the little ones… LoL on the candy
Hugs
November 2nd, 2006 at 1:53 pm
play doh?? what! thats kind expensive to hand out! i cant blame you for throwing it out!
November 2nd, 2006 at 2:44 pm
Those Sponge Bob Crabby Patties that look like hamburgers are good! I actually like them!
November 2nd, 2006 at 10:01 pm
Yikes looks like one of the neighbours has a toe fettish? Ew!