I Am Afraid to Fart
November 28, 2006
I can see the headlines now: “Xenical patients reported tighter butts from clenching their butt cheeks so as not to pass wind. This unforeseeable side effect has increased sales by 500%.”
You would be afraid to fart too if you were on Xenical. This stuff kicked in royally this morning. I’ll spare you the details, but making a rice/broccoli casserole with Campbell’s Cheddar Cheese Soup? Not a good idea. I only ate a bit of it, maybe a couple of tablespoons full, but the stomach cramps were fierce. Could have been the rice too, I suppose, since Daren bought this weird sticky sweet rice that was mush (I will be throwing that crap out - blech). We also baked cod with lemon and lime - that was scrumptious.
Any tips on making long grain brown rice taste really good? I also like Basmati, but I’m pretty sure it’s got fat in it.
Other than that, this whole new diet thing is going pretty well. My favorite part is that I don’t have to cut peanut butter out, in fact a tablespoon of peanut butter on a slice of raisin toast is only 4 grams of fat. I’m allowed 40 grams of fat per day, as long as it’s spread out. I can’t seem to even get to 30 when I plan out the day, maybe because I’m one of few freaks who like skim milk.
Thomas is a massive shade of crank today, and the pile of work I have is being interrupted every 6.4 seconds. Me thinks it’s time to grab the toddler by the horns and lie him down for a nap. I told him just now that it would be 5 minutes until naptime and he screamed at me: “MOMMY! You. are. make. king. me. SICK!” The other day he said, “Da E! You’re dwiving me cwazy!”
Okay, naptime. Finally.
November 28th, 2006 at 1:32 pm
My husband was on Xenical for a little while and he too was afraid to fart — or, as we call it, shart. (Shit fart=shart!) He ate Basmati rice while he was on it and he was fine, so I think you might be too.
November 28th, 2006 at 1:58 pm
Well..just so you know…I love skim milk…so you’re not the only freak out there!!
Good luck with the diet..I SO need to go on one!
November 28th, 2006 at 4:46 pm
Girl, you are tooooo funny! May I add you to my blog roll?
I am on the get fat get thin girl program myself. Except I am on Phentermine…Speed crack in a capsule. I have no fart problems, but I have speed issues…Basmati is lower in fat and it tastes better, It is also lighter and has a nutty taste..I LOVE IT! Brown rice..well, it’s just there chica… Sorry you are having the squirts…from time to time…*smiles Anyways- hollar back and good luck..
November 28th, 2006 at 5:04 pm
I’ve found that cooking the brown rice in chicken or vegetable stock helps a bunch. As well, a pat of butter helps too since you mentioned you’re allowed some fat.
November 28th, 2006 at 5:08 pm
i like skim milk too. anything else is cream to me.
tell me more about this diet. i need something that works!
November 28th, 2006 at 5:57 pm
Oh no, farting is one of your favourite things to do. Now what will you do for fun?
November 28th, 2006 at 6:28 pm
I do not know if you were talking to me in reference to my program. So all- please excuse my stupidity for blabbing.. BUT before I begin…Ladies…there is a clarification that I go by according to my website blog… MEN fart…Women queef…Men wipe…Women pat…Next…
The phentermine program is doctor prescribed. My goal is 165..When I started mid October I weighed in at 205…Up to todays date I am now 180….So a little over a month?? Anyways- I take a half a pill in the morning and the other in the afternoon after 3.. I used to do the B12 shots every Saturday also, but..that is another story in my blog. I wont bore anyone here with it… But, for me, I do the pills, and eat 5x a day…Drink a little over a gallon of water a day…Just email me and I can give you specifics…Even if you dont take the pills I can send you the info and In a two week time, you will start naturally losing the weight. But for me, I needed a little boost cause I have slow thyroids.
ciao all
callie
November 28th, 2006 at 7:29 pm
First of all, there is now a “no sugar added” peanut butter out there. And it actually tastes so much better than regular, low-fat peanut butter.
Secondly, for me it’s sugar substitute products that make me pass wind. Anything that has malitol in it makes me build a brick wall around my work area so as to not offend anyone. It’s bad. And the cramping is horrible.
I get the same thing from Olestra … the stuff they use to make potato chips (and we bought the unsalted, Olestra-soaked chips).
And there is nothing like a nice, cold glass of skim milk to top off my day. So, yes, I have a hard time meeting all my nutritional quotas as well.
November 28th, 2006 at 7:36 pm
Mmmm…broccoli and cheddar soup. That sounds SO good right now. : )
November 28th, 2006 at 9:23 pm
Basmati rice doesn’t have fat. The problem with it is that it is white rice, meaning it has a higher glycemic index, which affects your blood sugar and makes you get hungrier faster.
Brown rice is digested more slowly and doesn’t cause your blood sugar to spike. Avoid the white foods. I would do well to take this advice myself LOL
November 28th, 2006 at 11:25 pm
I really had to read this when I saw the title. Interesting….
I like Skim milk too, so I must be a freak too! But I love brown rice, so I really must be a freak!
Good luck on the diet….
November 29th, 2006 at 9:18 am
Farting is an art form in this house, except when we have problems such as yours. Pardon the pun, but it ‘backfired’ on the Boy Scout once. He was trying to be funny, and ended up changing his drawers.
Okay, Karen, I guess I missed it…which post talks about this new diet?
November 29th, 2006 at 9:29 pm
hmmmm….diet assistance pills huh. Please be careful, what happens when you no longer take them? I say don’t mess with Mother Nature. Just lookin’ out ya know.
That said, good foods low fat stuff? Soups, potatoes, cook your rice in a low fat broth and soy sauce. Low fat tofu, egg whites, how about a non fat yogourt on pasta? I’m weird, I like it. Just be careful huh?
Sounds like you are excercising quite a bit. May I suggest some weight bearing excercise? Cardio is grand, but the long term calorie burning comes with weights. Sooooo, time to build the big muscles, you will build more calories for a longer period of time, and as you replace fat with muscle, muscle requires more calories, thereby even at rest you are burning your ‘fuel’. Have you tuned me out yet? I just know a little bit…..