Stealing Voices
November 28, 2006
“Backlash” wrote to me and told me that she writes about her abuse in this way.
My mother had 5 children too a psychopath-manic-depressive. Great first line -
I don t know if she knew how ill he was but he was a bent and broken man. A
few days after the wedding he takes her too see Little John-his new baby too a
women around the road. He never did have any shame with us-no after beating
sorry-
Mum was abused by her dad in every way possible-Ive bridged the stories
together-they scream NO at me for my mother.-she goes and Marries a man who
beats her-beats baby number 3 outta her-still she stays-Ive never asked her
why-why did you put me and my sister with ppls-like pass the parcel we two
were-while you roved all over NZ-checked every jodo-judo club looking for
that write off who beat you-who beat the other kids up- I was to wee-But he
had other plans for me-I just got the punch in the head and the Goo-Goo touch
ups later-His sound track of show-Tunes rutting the house.
Why Mum-I hate most parts of you-Love couldn t develop -I was too busy hiding -
You were to busy being in bed ill-the drugs-the doctors-the shots of morph in
the arse. Sending me to Doctors on Saturday for your drugs-me little girl in a
waiting room full of Junkies-You took so much-
You gave so little-why 5 children-? Did he Rape you-I can t image you having
sex-I hear him hurt you from my bed in your room in Aranui. Aaarrrghhh-The
State housing was the Families first big break
.You never ever told me about the home-I was all toddle and you gave me away-
I was a pass the parcel child-No gelling with you. You told me off when I got
ill-You told me off if I had accident-you didn t seem to like me. You go threw
all other names too get to mine-your stoned on pain-killers and tranx. All the
time-Iam just your go get it girl-your legs when your stoned-your legs when
you don t feel like moving-you re a crap mother still. 83 and still going. I
was hoping the cancer would take you.
I have no children-I remember at 12 feeling so infected in the middle-well I
decided then I was too Uggh to breed. You did that-Dad too. But you never
helped me in girlhood-periods I was terrified of-you give me rightwing bull-
shit little track-Pat Roberson Iam thinking. Dirty-the message I get is women
are dirty.
Iam 44 and I sob cos I have no children just abortions. Women you don t even
own the damage your ve done. If I ask any question you have always gone into
dieing swan act-you throw yourself on around bed-you need to take Tranx-you
won t even tell me about my Father-You use memories as emotional cash with me.
I hate that.
And still I wait to bury you. I want you gone-but you hang around-I see no one
from our Anti-Family
I see no children of the others-we all hate and hide.
I don t see you often–I get triggered by you. When I see you I feel the
hurt. Feel the rage. I feel the loss.
You had shingles-hell you wanted the whole world stopped for you-you go on the
phone about how bad it is-well when I get sex assaulted I get so stressed as
child I get shingles-You didn t help. You never cared. For what ever reason
you were vacant.
I get Hys. Blindness after sex assault. I remember the doctor shouting at you
What s happened to this child?
It was my first time dating valium-a long, some what stained relationship.
You were mute-then all nothing chatters. I never got help, you denied even
that.
As a child I was thinking you could steal voices-you took that much.
~ Backlash
December 1st, 2006 at 5:28 pm
When I read stories like this, I feel compelled to comment even though I don’t have anything smart or helpful to say. I hear you and I’m sorry it happened to you - that’s about all I can add.
December 11th, 2006 at 10:53 pm
I m sorry it happened to you - that s about all I can add.
And belive you me it helps-thanks for leaving a comment-
kind regards
December 12th, 2006 at 12:24 am
“It’s a little broken” because so’s the narrator. Good lord, this is genius, and should be acknowledged as such. More, please.
December 12th, 2006 at 1:37 am
My mother was like that. I was her little servant. At age 10 I took over doing everything - inside, outside. I still have issues over that after all these years. I get terribly angry at my husband when he does nothing and I m stuck with all the responsibility. The feigned illness too - I lived that as well. She’d threaten suicide every other day - swan about on the couch claiming migraines. When I got sick I got told off - called a little liar. Nothing for me - nothing of my own. So I understand, my dear. She s dead years now and I still feel that pain. I know this advice is unsolicited - but here goes. Walk away now. Before she’s dead. See to your own sanity. You will never get that I’m sorry or I love you . Those with narcissistic or marginal personality disorder aren t capable of loving anyone other then themselves. And you are worth so much more than that, my dear. You write with passion and grace. So walk away. Walk away now.
December 12th, 2006 at 4:23 am
Flawenplan, I brushed when I read your words-hard 2 make me brush.
Holiday period, lots of writing time-Co Co Co Co
The Fat Lady Sings
I cried reading your response. I laughed in rolls as
My mother too is all migraines.
I am on a short Loop of nothing in relationship 2
Mum. Iam still the server.
I set up bounties then break emm.
I have manage red 2 not have Xmas with her and my sister.
Mum is all We haven t have Christmas together for years
This year Iam heading outta town 2 Geraldine. My T always the
You shouldn t be seeing then; cos nothing will change. I know this,
But its almost like I wanta watch her decay. Ugly hey.
I walk away and walk back-Iam away just now.
I work on staying way. -BackLash- of what Ive yet too decide. back-lash of love:Snappy mean poodle::boppy and Happy::
December 12th, 2006 at 9:22 pm
I cried when I read it, and I never cry. That’s all I can say.
December 13th, 2006 at 5:14 pm
(((Jacked))) your a sweet heart-Kiss