Jingle Hell, Jingle Hell
November 29, 2006
*I already wrote this entire post once and when I hit save….POOF! I LOVE when that happens!*
This morning I dropped Daren and Thomas off at their respective schools, and armed with a scowl and a raging migraine, I went to Wal-Mart to start the insanity that is Christmas shopping. I know, I know, I said I would never go there again (and I haven’t since then) but (insert whiny voice) Sassy decorated her Christmas tree with stuff from Wal-Mart and if we are to be BFF’s foreva just like Paris and Britney, then I HAVE TO go buy the same crap for MY tree. Besides, it’s really pretty, and if you ask her nicely, she’ll probably show you pictures. Just don’t whine or she will smack you in your mouth.
There were a considerable amount of people there this morning. Don’t people have jobs? Oh wait, seniors and housewives. THIS will be fun. They all look as happy as I feel. Also? They take 4 and a half minutes to decide whether they want 97 cent pieces of shit or not. One lady was going ON and ON and ON about a 90 cent placemat. I wanted to jab her in the jowels with my keys and say, “Just buy it so you can add it to our landfills when you’re tired of looking at it! Oh and MOVE YO’ DAMN CART BETCH!”
There is a lot of crap at Wal-Mart. I found the Wal-Mart Christmas Coutre section pretty quickly and fished through 89 boxes of ribbon to find the one pattern I wanted. All of a sudden I was suffocating in the Land O’ Cheap Toys. Dora’s football head and Spongebob’s summer-teeth grin were at me from all sides. Pretty soon I ventured into clothing and found a black shirt like Liz’s white one that will make my chest puppies howl. Or my husband howl, whichever.
The electronics department sucked me in where my mood immediately lightened at the sight of this;
Care Bears Secret of the Box. I laughed out loud and I’m sure all the Grandma’s thought I was nuts. I know Izzy does the WTF Wednedsays, but this one was too good not to share. All 3 Care Bears on the cover look like they really do know the secret of the box.
I know, I’m warped.
Tune in tomorrow Friday when I award a Perfect Post to a blogger I admire very much.
November 29th, 2006 at 1:45 pm
I like so totally know the secret of the box. I mean who doesn’t? Geez. And I just might be nice enough and show everyone my tree since you said it looked nice. Oh and I’m assuming since you’re way taller than me, you’re the Paris of this relationship and I’m the Britney but I’m SO not showing my vagina when we go out clubbing and the paparazzi show up.
November 29th, 2006 at 1:56 pm
Oh I’m soooo disappointed now. I’m gonna go cry on my 90 cent placemat.
November 29th, 2006 at 6:21 pm
WalMart? WALMART???
I’m putting my hand up to your face…you just can’t see it.
November 29th, 2006 at 6:35 pm
We end up in Wal-Mart every year thinking we’ll get some good deals and EVERY YEAR we fight our way through the tiny aisles and the families of 28 huddled around one cart who all have to stop and have a group discussion about the price of the that box of After Eights. We did it again this year. First we went to Toys R Us, put some stuff in our cart, then figured we’d better go check out the price of Lego at Wal-Mart before we committed to spend eleventy-zillion dollars on an X-Wing Fighter. After five minutes in Wal-Mart? After discovering that Toys R Us is in fact cheaper when it comes to buying Lego Star Wars X-Wing Fighters? Yeah, that was when we remembered the same thing happening last year…and the year before…and that day in November of 1994…we are idiots.
Oh my Gawd, and the “chest puppies” thing? Made me choke on the mint in my mouth, which subsequently almost came flying out of my nose. I *heart* the term CHEST PUPPIES !!!
November 29th, 2006 at 8:21 pm
Ha, I need to take you shopping with me next time. It would be way more enjoyable. But it can’t be at walmart.
November 29th, 2006 at 8:31 pm
Maybe the carebears can remind Britney that part of the secret of the box is to keep the box a secret and not open the box to all the paparazzi
November 29th, 2006 at 9:20 pm
Hell, I only venture as far as Zellers Xmas Wonderland for my stuff.
Wonders of the box indeed, still don’t know what lurks in mine….you are a twisted sister.
November 29th, 2006 at 9:39 pm
Karen, you are SO my type of person.
November 29th, 2006 at 10:04 pm
lololol…secrets of the box? Did you already know about that website before you found the Care Bears thing??? lololololol *still laughing*
Are you not in love with Kelly “Shoes”????
“Those shoes are miiiine, BETCH!”
November 30th, 2006 at 8:49 am
LMAO….OH my….I usually catch up on your blog at night (although I haven’t been able to visit in a week **sob**sob**) but I SO needed that Laugh out Loud moment this morning! Thank ya
November 30th, 2006 at 2:23 pm
[...] My Technorati Favs list has “shit the bed” (as Welfare Mum would say…and yes, I’ve been waiting to use that term for a little while. Cause I love it. Just about as funny as Karen saying “chest puppies”. Chest puppies ! Ha ! I am warped). Anyways, yes. My technorati list of blogs that I read every single day without fail, which tells me when people have updated DOESN’T WORK ANYMORE! [...]