I Can’t Even Believe This

November 21, 2006 BlogPants

This is wrong on SO many levels.? Link.

The Elephant is Stomping It’s Way Out of the Bag

Awards

Thanks to Berklie for giving this entry a Perfect Post Award! I’m very flattered.

Okay so this definitely sums up how I feel about the blogging community right now. I want to buy the author some dinner and have a real conversation. These two points really hit on how I’m feeling:

The truth is that while the community is deeply, structurally flawed in ways so fundamental I’m not sure it can ever be repaired, I’ve found some really amazing, generous, intelligent, funny, warm people here.

and:

I’m also going to disengage myself from a lot of the less savoury aspects of the momosphere. For instance, blogrolling: did you know that blogroll is a pun on logroll, a political practice of greasing hands through reciprocal favours to pass legislation? Yeah. I mean, blogrolling has nothing to do with politics with that kind of etymology, does it? Clearly I am insane.

I’ve been meaning to write about this post for a while, but something kept stopping me. I know exactly what it was. The need to be accepted by everyone. The need to be a part of the “in crowd.” Do you know how fucking lame that sounds when you write that down? Shit, you’re reading it, so you know how lame it sounds. I don’t know what happened to me at BlogHer, but I left feeling like I had a bunch of new friends. Boy was I wrong. Me naive? Oh yes.

(more…)

There’s a Rock Concert in My Head

November 20, 2006 family

I’m coding blogs tonight, and since Daren talks to himself when he studies (Crazy Bugger), I threw on the headphones.? The vibration of my middle ear accompanied by Nirvana’s Smells Like Teen Spirit makes me wanna jump over the back of the couch and mosh.? The only problem with that is I’d rip my own head off with the earphones, like that chick in My Big Fat Greek Wedding with the phone headset.

This is Why Everyone Should Have a Best Friend Who Puts Up With Your Ass

Me, Unplugged

Dearest Sassy McFrassy,

I went to the walk-in b/c it got SO bad.? Thankfully it’s just a virus but unfortunately, that means I have to wait it out, but thankfully, the doctor said it wasn’t serious, but unfortunately it means I have to take Gravol and go to bed early, but thankfully that means I’ll get a good nights sleep, but unfortunately it means I won’t get to play on the internet and talk on the phone with you all evening, but thankfully you will be out shopping so you won’t miss me.? Buy me something nice!? Ha ha…

Anyway, I thought I’d give you that dumb annoying update.? I’ll talk to your bad self tomorrow.

MWAH!

Karen

xoxoxox

P.S. Thanks for putting up with my stupid fucking annoying whining.? I don’t know how you do it without poking rusty nails in your ears.? Fuck.? You need new friends.? I’m so needy.

Please hurry home…I’m not doing very well…please bring something to feed kids too. :(

Me, Unplugged

That was the text message I just sent to Daren. My ears have been plugged for a week and it’s gotten to the point that they may explode. It really feels that way. Every day I thought it would get better, but alas, I’m on the verge of going deaf.

Also? P.M.S.

And! And! A pulled muscle in my pelvic region. I have no idea why.

Bad things happen in threes, but all in one body? Not cool.

Threes? Did I say threes?

Well my lungs are filling up again, so that’s four. Technically, I’ve been sick since September.

And the Beverly Hills 90210 re-run is making me cry today. (It’s the one where Kelly’s Mom makes a drunken fool of herself at a school fashion show.)

Sigh.

The Death Watch of My Mother: Part Four

Parentless

This is Part Four of this series by Missy. Here are Parts One, Two and Three.

I was trying not to be angry at my Dad. I sat with my hospital cafeteria coffee and picked at my turkey sandwich. I wished he had told me sooner how serious it was. Maybe he didn’t realize Mom was dying; I mean he did at least call and tell me when things were really bad. But what about Todd? Damn; all the way down in Texas and fighting a bureaucracy for the chance to say goodbye to his Mom. It sucked. We could have used some extra time here.

I was coming to the realization that I wouldn’t be able to talk to her. That I wouldn’t be able to have a meaningful conversation with her ever again. Suddenly it hit me like a ton of bricks and I put my head on the table and sobbed.

People in hospitals know grief. They know when to approach it and when to leave it alone. Everyone walked wide circles around me. After a few minutes and half a dozen paper napkins I picked up another cup of coffee and took it with me back up to my Mom’s room.

My Dad hadn’t changed position since I left, save for the Rosary moving through his fingers. I sat down next to him quietly and watched the LED lights of the monitor move with my Mom’s heart beat and respirations. It didn’t seem long before Iva and Grampa arrived.

Grampa looked frail holding on to Iva as he walked in. It was a shock to me; he always seemed so healthy. I stood up and hugged him.

“Hi, hi. Hi, hi,” he said patting my back. “God bless you, Missy. Thank goodness you’re here.” I moved from Grampa to Iva and we embraced. We all sat down.

“This is a hell of thing, a hell of a thing,” said Grampa shaking his head. “It shouldn’t be like this.” I didn’t know what to say. How does a person watch their daughter die? Is it more or less traumatic than watching your mother die? Or your wife? I couldn’t comfort him. I couldn’t say, “oh, it’ll be okay,” because it wasn’t going to be okay. I couldn’t say, “how are you?” because it was pretty obvious he was as miserable as a human could be. I said the only thing I could think of at the moment.

“Todd’s on his way.” Grampa nodded making a teepee of his hands. A moment later his face was covered by his hands and he was making crying sounds. Iva’s arm was around his shoulder. I had never seen my Grampa cry before. He went up to my Mother.

“Oh, Eleanor,” he sobbed putting an arm over her chest in a hug. Iva went over to him.

“Let’s go, Bill. Let me take you home.” He nodded. I stood and gave him a long hug. All this time my Dad just sat there in his trance. I hugged Iva, the tower of strength that she was at that moment, and she whispered to me that she would be back. Then she and my grandfather left.

My Dad and I sat there not saying anything. At 9:00 visting hours were over, but I knew that didn’t count for us. My Dad rose.

“Well, let’s go home,” he said putting on his coat and touqe. I was startled.

“Go home?” I asked.

“It’s late,” he said. “You’ve had a long day. Let’s go home and get some rest.”

“But Dad, I don’t want to leave. I want to stay here.”

“What? Are you going to stay all night? You can’t stay all night.”

“Well, yes I can,” I felt really irritated. He was going to leave her alone? Just leave her in this antiseptic hospital all alone? To die? I wanted someone to be with her. I didn’t want her to be alone when she died. That seemed wrong. Sad.

Now he seemed irritated. Because I wasn’t doing what he wanted? Or because I was trying to do something he felt physically unable to do? He didn’t look good, but I was sure I didn’t look so hot by now either.

“Look,” he said, “they’re not going to let you stay here all night.”

“Yes they are! One of the nurses already showed me where a sofa was that I could take a nap on if I needed to. She showed me where their little refrigerator is with juices in it. I’m staying here Dad. I’m not leaving Mom alone. Look, why don’t you get some rest and when you come back in the morning I’ll trade off with you. Doesn’t that make sense? Then she won’t be alone.”

He was radiating anger and frustration. Things weren’t going his way. He thought this thing, this suffering and death, was his private deal. Something between him and my Mom; and he wanted to keep the rest of us out. He wanted to tell me it wasn’t any of my business. But of course, he couldn’t. He was stiff when I hugged him and kissed his cheek. He went up to my mother and touched her cheek gently. Then he turned and silently left.

After he left I went up to my mom and climbed on to the edge of her bed with her. “I love you, Mom. I’m here for you. Todd’s coming.” She took a long gasping breath. Her eyelids fluttered. I felt my tears fall from my eyes to her soft, cool cheeks.

~ Missy

Missy’s Big Fish Stories

Reprinted with Permission

Landover Baptist Church

family

Best. Website. Ever. Particularly this Beauty Pageant Announcement, and This Article on Elmo.

…this year’s most popular Christmas toy, Tickle Me Elmo TMX, should disturb even an unsaved family. “It should be rated XXX, not TMX,” says Dr. Jonathan Edwards. “TMX is deliberately misleading.” Dr. Edwards warns that Elmo doesn’t belong in a Christian home. “It belongs in Hell,” he says.

I’m warning you now, go pee before visiting this website. There’s SO much to see and laugh about. It’s not for the easily offended though.

Some of my favorites:

• “We’d Like to Purchase Your Child”
• Godly Beating and Spanking Tips
• Get a Free Playstation 3!

Have fun!

P.S. I thought it was funny that I was the number one search for this.

Finally! Medium is Starting Their New Season

November 19, 2006 BlogPants

I can’t wait!? This Wednesday kicks off a new season of Medium.? I love this show!? Link.

I’m Only Here For the Chili

family

I have spent all day cooking and cleaning. My in-laws are coming for dinner, and my house needed a serious overhaul. Or a bombing. Whichever.

To throw a wrench into things, (literally) we had a leaky kitchen sink which required a trip to (grunt grunt) Home Depot for Daren. Lucky him. He took Thomas with him and Dylan was at a birthday party so I found myself alone in the house. Shhhhweeet! Course, I was busy making chili the whole time, so it wasn’t like I could sit around eating bon bons like I normally do.

Anyway, I’ve jumped on the NaBloPoMo bandwagon, which is funny, because I didn’t really think I would be able to post every day and I have so far, so why not try to win prizes?

I thought I’d at least post something of value here today, so here is my recipe for Troll Baby Chili:

1 pound of bacon

1 lb lean ground beef

1 onion, chopped

1 can (19 oz/540 mL) tomates

1 can (14 oz/398 mL) kidney beans, drained and rinsed

2 cans (14 oz/398 mL) pork and beans

1 clove of garlic, minced

1/3 cup vinegar

2 tbsp packed brown sugar

2 tbsp fancy molasses

1 tsp dry mustard

1 tsp Worcestershire sauce

? tsp salt

? tsp pepper

? tsp hot pepper sauce (Louisiana sauce)

1) In a Dutch Oven, cook bacon until crisp and drain on paper towels. Crumble and set aside. Drain fat from pan, increase heat to medium-high. Add beef and onion, cook, breaking up meat, for 10 minutes or until no longer pink. Drain off fat.

2) Return bacon to pan, Add tomoates, kidney beans, pork and beans, garlic, vinegar, sugar, molasses, mustard, Worcestershire sauce, salt, pepper and hot pepper sauce; stir well. Cover and bake in 300? F (150? C) oven for 2 hours. Uncover and bake for 1 hour longer or until thickened.

Course, I was an idiot and quadrupled this recipe today, not thinking that DUH! You need a pan big enough to bake all of it in, you big dumb idiot. And by you, I mean me.

I serve chili atop a small mountain of mashed potatoes, with fresh whole wheat bread and cut veggies and dip on the side. And though my ass doesn’t need it, I likes me a dollop of sour cream on top of the chili mountain.

How do you like your chili?

That’s My Boy

November 18, 2006 family

Last night Daren took Dylan to the London Knights game, so Thomas and I hung out and read stories after his bath. After a few stories, he started up with “I don’t WIKE dat story,” to pretty much every book I started. So I decided to sing to him.

“Do you want to hear a song?”

“Yeees!”

Thinking that Christmas Carols would soon be a part of pre-school, I started singing Silent Night. After 3 lines, he screamed at me: “Mommy! I DON’T WIKE DAT SONG!”

“You’ve never heard it before. How about Jingle Bells?”

“Yeees!”

I sang Jingle Bells, in it’s entirety, and decided to try Silent Night again, in case he had changed his mind. He had listened carefully to Jingle Bells and beamed up when I sang “Laughing all the way, ha ha ha….”

Two lines into Silent Night, yep, you guessed it: “I DON’T WIKE DAT SONG!”

I ended up singing The Chemical Brothers, “Let Forever Be,” about 18 times.

He loved it.