I’m Saving For Therapy After This Auction
December 13, 2006
Last night the kids and I curled up on the couch to read from the Giant Book of Christmas Stories. You know the kind, where if your toddler leans on it, the weight of the book leaves a considerable indent in your leg, and you end up bruising? Yeah one of those.
We read this little story about a barn at Christmas, whereby the cow thought Christmas decorations should extend to the barn and stormed off in a huff while all the other animals were led by the pig into decorating a tree for the big whiny cow. Sorry if I ruined the ending for you. You’ll get over it.
Because I tend to chain-yawn through all stories read aloud, (much like chain smoking, without the carcinogens), I try to keep myself alert and amused by speaking in different accents for each character. Daren and Dylan where in stitches and Thomas smiled and bounced all over the book. My legs look like I’ve been flogged by miserable nuns.
The sulky cow had an East Indian accent, and the close-minded rooster sounded so backroads, he almost broke into Papazao. The pig, who led this entire decorating fiasco, sounded exactly like Britney, ya’lls. I even added the ya’lls to the story. The thing I didn’t know before I read the story, is that the rooster thinks everything the pig does is stupid, until the end when the cow is happy that the animals made him a tree that really is a snowman. Then the rooster, who sounds like Bobcat Goldthwait, is all “Oh I looove you pig!”
Barnyard animals are really stupid. That is why I don’t feel bad eating them.
Also, because I can’t possibly have only 4 members of our family in therapy, I recorded the continuation of Ruffy’s test of mental health:
***
In other news, a bunch of The Mommyblogger Cult are raising money for MD Canada, in the name of Her Bad Mother’s Catherine Connors’ nephew, Tanner. Her Bad Auction starts today and runs until Sunday December 17th at Midnight. I donated a full blog design from Troll Baby Graphics, but if you already look all spiffy, there are a ton of other really awesome things to be auctioned off.
Let’s face it, no one is going to get you what you REALLY wanted for Christmas, you ought to treat yourself to something, my little fruitcake. Go on. You know you want to. That iPod Shuffle is calling your name. Or maybe Rockstar Mommy is, since she is sporting an adorable Dad Gone Mad t-shirt. Krystyn’s so smart, Krystyn’s SO special. Oh. You’re still here. Ahem.
Speaking of Rockstar Mommy, she is kicking everyone’s butt at the Weblog Awards for Best Parenting Blog. Go vote. It’s a damn good thing she is a friend of mine, or I’d have to say bad things about her to get you to vote for me. Like she has something in her teeth in one of her pictures. (Which she totally doesn’t, but now she is gonna check her Flickr account for 3 hours and maybe I can get ahead of her. Pffft. Riiight.)
Here’s a challenge for you though. If you can get Troll Baby to win the Weblog Award for Best Parenting Blog by voting, I will donate 2 more designs to Her Bad Auction. I’ve seen the uprising of the MB Cult before, let’s see if we can do it again. How’s that for Un-Canadian-like vote whoring?
December 13th, 2006 at 10:16 am
must have the web design.
December 13th, 2006 at 10:35 am
YOU WHORE! Who ASKS people to vote for them on their own site? WHORES!
Oh, wait…
*picks food out of teeth*
December 13th, 2006 at 10:35 am
I didn’t say it was FOOD, RSM. Sheesh.
December 13th, 2006 at 10:52 am
I’m still voting. And I’m definitely bidding on your blog designing, too. I need a face lift again.
December 13th, 2006 at 11:27 am
Oh my dear - that dog is precious! My Ginger was sitting next to listening intently - her head cocked to one side. She then summoned almost every cat in the house so they could listen too. Very sweet! Good luck with the awards. We are all voting for you, honey. Chin up! There’s two days left. Anything can happen! Now please excuse me whilst I go off and chug some Theraflu.
December 13th, 2006 at 12:13 pm
I am ALL ABOUT whoring. And if you can whore yourself by promoting an awesome cause, all the better.
Here’s a smack on the ass to get you started. Now I’ll go vote as much as I can, because I need to up my odds at winning the overhaul (the better to whore MYSELF, my dear.)
December 13th, 2006 at 12:29 pm
Oi, you truly are a whore lol.
I am voting for you whenever it allows me to. Infact, I do it three times a day on each of the different computers.
December 13th, 2006 at 2:17 pm
Oh yeah, I saw the blog design package, and you can bet I’m putting in some tickets for that.
The rooster was Bobcat Goldthwait? Too funny.
December 13th, 2006 at 6:30 pm
I played the video and my cat ran out of the room. I don’t know which one of you scared him.
December 13th, 2006 at 9:27 pm
ROFLMAO. Seriously…I absolutley ADORE you. I have been so busy the past few weeks that blogging and internet time has been pushed to the back burner. I decided to take a few minutes tonight and catch up online. I MISSED YOU. Thanks for making me smile for once during a REALLY bad few weeks and reminding me to MAKE time for my blogging passion and my online friends
p.s.
I voted. Kick some Ass girl
December 13th, 2006 at 11:05 pm
you blog ho you…scuse me while I go rub cream into my fingers after having to type my freakin’ resume just to comment on Ruffy’s mental health. He looks happy nonetheless. and I just want to give hime big sloppy hugs..