If I Told You, I’d Have To Kill You
December 29, 2006
In my post before I left for this holiday, I mentioned my Papa’s chest pains and how worried?I was.? Granny made it sound so grave and scary, it seemed as though because she was worried, I should be too.?
The kids and I have been here at Papa and Granny’s since Tuesday, and I’ve asked him a couple of times how the chest pains were.? In typical Papa form, he answered, “Fine.? I’m not getting any younger.? Want a rum and coke?”
And in typical family form, I say, “Yes please,” and we talk about the fact that garbage day is Thursday and won’t that be exciting?? Also, there is free skating if Dylan wants to go.? Papa offers to take him and the whole time they’re gone, I worry.? Papa had a nap today, in his room with the door closed and as 4:50 approached, I worried.??I thought about how animals go off to die.? I know it sounds sick but if I’m not worried about something, I will go insane…er.
No one in this family says shit if their mouths are full of it.? We laugh, we banter, we act like a big baby if the 8 year old beats us at Go Fish, or?plays a game on the?computer and we don’t know how.? Actually that last?couple was just Papa.
So really, I doubt I’m going to get any answers out of Granny and Papa.? He won’t tell me Jack, and she can’t hear me to ask without him knowing.? Being nearly deaf has it advantages though.? She turns down her hearing aid at dinner when Papa has the t.v. blaring to hear the same news he watched at lunchtime.
All in all, they are the same people I’ve known and loved as long as I’ve been alive.? This house is full of amazing childhood memories that I’m telling Dylan about.? He’s thinks it’s pretty funny that Mommy used to hang out at Papa’s bar, drinking shooters of apple juice and playing the same song (Ode to Joy) on the same organ that he is sitting at today.? It’s an unfortunate thing I don’t have a hearing aid to turn down.
I will probably say to Papa tomorrow, “I wrote about you on that website,” and he will probably jokingly say, “What website?”?though he knows exactly where this site is.? He will probably read it, but not a word will be said about it.? That’s how we roll.? Is your family like that?
Edit: I didn’t mean this to be upsetting. We just don’t talk about the elephant in the room, like most families that I know. He’s been cracking death jokes all week - that’s how it goes around here. What doesn’t kill you, makes you laugh, in my family.
December 29th, 2006 at 10:43 pm
Makes me miss my Papa…
December 29th, 2006 at 10:54 pm
Sound so much like my papa Charlie! hahaha! Happy New Year!
December 29th, 2006 at 11:21 pm
In my family, one half, the half that takes after my dad, is populated by hypochondriacs and worriers. The other half, which takes after my mom, acts as if nothing is EVER wrong or ever will be wrong. I don’t understand them…
December 30th, 2006 at 12:00 am
I don’t have any Grandparents left, but I’m pretty sure that they wouldn’t have read my blog.
Since I don’t pray I’m sending good vibes your way.
December 30th, 2006 at 2:38 am
Oooooooh my grief and goodness, my dad’s side of the family are the original Crypt Keepers. When shit gets put in the vault to not be spoke of again, it’s locked down air-tight. As in, his mother had such an isolating experience growing up being part of a gaggle of kids with different dads and distinctions being made of step/half/adopted that my sister and I never knew that our PaPa (pawpaw) wasn’t the biological father of him and his siblings UNTIL HIS BIO DAD DIED. When never even knew he existed because, you know, once divorced you fall off the family tree AND the face of the earth, apparently.
I struggled for YEARS with depression before finding out that it ran rampant on my dad’s side but nobody talked about it so I felt like I was drowning when all along there were people who KNEW what was up but couldn’t (or just wouldn’t) out themselves to give me a clue.
So. Yeah. That’s how them bitches roll, too and it’s awful. In fact, we cut short a visit this Christmas because I was, ”upsetting someone by talking about my son dying; not everyone is comfortable with death”. I know, right? The fuck?
December 30th, 2006 at 4:03 pm
Nope, we were fortunate in not having any of this happen this year. There were some really messed-up holidays in my younger years, but time’s mellowed it all out (and seen the ends of lives and marriages) to a nicely quiet and comfortable holiiday.
December 31st, 2006 at 12:55 pm
There’s a whole lot of not talkin’ that goes on with my extended family. However, we don’t worry about it because we have my little sister to keep us informed of everything that is going on or perceived to be going on. She’s a drug addict and keeps tabs on everyone by trying to figure out to whom she may next pander her bullshit. Then, we all get together and discuss what’s going on.
She’s a great conduit and shit-stirrer amongst those of us just wanting to live our lives in some semblance of peace.
Isn’t there always at least one family member like that?
Otherwise, we stay within our factions with our heads down in the sand.
I just couldn’t be bothered anymore.
My allies and I know the worth of living a positive life.
Ack!
December 31st, 2006 at 2:27 pm
Yeah, most families I know are like that. Just enjoy the time that you spend with the relatives that you know well and care about.
Hope that your holiday season was a good one.
January 1st, 2007 at 12:18 pm
Yeah, I know about those elephants. My precious step-dad has colon cancer. And he didn’t say anything, I had to ask how he was doing.
Happy New year and sorry I’ve been gone out of town.
January 1st, 2007 at 12:25 pm
I’ve often wondered if it’s a generational thing. My parents were like that: don’t talk about it, just crack wise.
Oh well. Like Amanda said, just enjoy them while you can. Sounds like you’ve had a great holiday.
January 1st, 2007 at 10:10 pm
I’m glad you had a happy holiday! My family is a lot like this…except the attention seekers who don’t really have anything wrong with them…but need to whine about ever little hang nail. I hope you have a happy New year and I wish your pappa a long happy year too
January 2nd, 2007 at 6:24 pm
Wow - almost the exact same situation in my family. Papa has a pace maker and is holding his chest a lot. Jokes that he can feel the thing kick in (which is scary the amount of times it kicks in). He laughs about it, but I am worried. However, since I had my baby girl, he hangs on so he can play with her when she gets bigger.
January 2nd, 2007 at 11:09 pm
January 2nd, 2007 at 11:16 pm
It is strange isn’t it how loved ones protect one another. It is almost as if they deny it then they can scare away that what they are most afraid of. Laugh in the face of fear, in the face of death. And woe befall anyone who rip off the mask of courage.
Sorry. Been thru it twice. Seen it. Allow it to be. Coping mechanisms we all must have….
YOur family looks like a ton o fun!