218 Hours

March 12, 2007

218 Hours until I can see my doctor.

God that seems so far away. This past weekend, short of the pecker conversation, was dark for me. Daren was busy helping a friend with a dryer and I was using every ounce of my strength to do laundry. It’s all folded and sitting here but every time I climb the stairs, my heart feels like it’s going to beat right out of my chest. So the family room gets to look like a Laundromat as I slowly take one pile at a time every time I go up.

It’s the first day of March Break. Dylan is still in bed and Thomas is happily playing with Lego. The coffee is not working yet but I’m sure after 2 or 6 more cups I’ll be okay. I have to tackle a bunch of things including work and the kitchen, but when I think about it, it seems like a massive undertaking because I know that the kitchen will lead to the floors and the floors will lead to the bathroom and the bathroom will lead to more laundry and I just. can’t. stop. with. the. cleaning. My heart just pounds harder like that awful story by Edgar Allen Poe.

I wonder if old Ed had a maid?

I wish there were such a thing as hidden floorboards, to put away my own heart until next Wednesday. To carry on as though nothing is wrong, to act as though I can breathe, and laugh, and sing. I kinda miss myself.

Anyway, 218 hours. I can do this. Right?

6 Responses to “218 Hours”

1. Hillary Says:
   March 12th, 2007 at 9:22 am

   You most DEFINITELY can!

2. Avalon Says:
   March 12th, 2007 at 9:53 am

   Karen, pleaee, please make sure they check your Thyroid. Some of your symptoms sounds suspiciously like Hypo-Thyroidism. It can cause heart palpitations, shortness of breath, weight loss, decreased appetite and anxiety.

3. CPA Mom Says:
   March 12th, 2007 at 10:10 am

   You CAN do it. You CAN DO ANYTHING you set your mind to. Scary times ahead but you are strong and you have your rock (and us) to lean on.

4. Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah Says:
   March 12th, 2007 at 10:25 am

   Hang in there. If you need someone to talk to, just call.

5. QofS Says:
   March 12th, 2007 at 10:42 am

   Of course you can do it.

   Hang in there. We’re all here.

6. MammaLoves Says:
   March 12th, 2007 at 12:45 pm

   You can. And we’re here cheering you on and if you need to talk.