All You Need Is Love - and Vodka, Apparently
March 29, 2007
So the last week has been a bit of a roller coaster.? Mostly highs, which is good for the laundry fairy.? She doesn’t have to do as much when I’m doing all the work.?
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Some of you might have noticed I blogged a short update the other day and then deleted it.? Partly because I wasn’t feelin’ the writing, and partly because I felt it sounded like I was clamouring for attention regarding the eating disorder place that I still haven’t called.? More about that in a minute.? I suck, I know.? Plus Daren and I had fought and it’s all better now (though it took me 24 hours to explain why I was hurt), we fixed it.?
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So Thursday of last week was weird.? I had stayed up all night the night before, so I was pretty DUH! all day, and by the time Daren got home, all my senses were shutting down - especially the ones that involved listening to one more rendition of Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!? You all know what I mean, that isn’t part of the crazy, unless having children is crazy, which um, I’m thinking it might be.
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Anyway, a nice courier person set off the dog and blew my ears to bits with the barking and the kids screaming and running around like jungle animals.? But the nice courier person brought chocolates and lovin’ all the way from Ninjapoodle City, and when I opened this, I started to cry:
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Seriously, if Belinda and her lovely family had sent me nothing but that card, I would have taken all their love and wrapped myself in it.? I could feel it, people.? You have no idea.? The the boys were climbing all over me to try one and Daren put his arms around me and we kind of all just stood there, feelin’ the Arkansas love.? Thanks so much Belinda, Alex and Bella!? Though maybe you ought to have sent a kick in the ass…lol!? xoxo
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Saturday was?a whirlwind of nuts for me as I got the house ready and cooked like mad, only to kick all three of my boys out for the whole night, and open the door to half a dozen girlfriends and my cousin.? Every 3-4 months, us girls kick the husband and kids out of one of our homes and have a sleepover.? We eat, we drink and laugh.? I had planned this months ago and went to cancel it about 10 times, each time realizing I NEEDED THEM TO BE HERE.? They all know what is going on, and they all were amazing fun as I completely forgot about the crazy and had FUN.? So much fun, I also forgot hardwood floors are um, HARD WOOD.? Let’s just say I let loose in a mighty mighty way and hit the floor before midnight, like a Brick House.? See what happens when you drink a pot and a half of coffee and then switch to liquor (which you hardly ever drink,) sans food?? Stupid girl.
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See the dark brown plate?? I made bacon-wrapped water chestnuts in oyster sauce.? Oh and crab dip.? The girls brought all kind of goodies too.? So much that I served strawberries, spanakopita and nachos and dip for breakfast.? Don’t knock it till you try it.
My drink of choice was cranberry and vodka, and the view for me was blurry like this for most of the night:
Rochelle and I discussing deep subjects…all of which I do not recall.
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Cindy lecturing us on bedroom ettique?? Yeah, maybe she was talking about washable crayons, I don’t know.
I’d love to show you more pictures, but the truth is the rest were blurry(er) than these, and?I barely knew how to use my feet after a short while.? It was good and the next day was fine for hangover status.?? A little iffy in parts, but okay overall.
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I had an ECG the other day and my heart is fine.? Bloodwork too but I don’t know results yet.? I see the doc this afternoon?with Daren, for a follow up and hopefully a shrink referral.? You know, if she doesn’t suggest?a frontal lobotomy or bloodletting or something, on top of the Lithium.? I’m not looking forward to this because I know I’ll be asked if I’ve called the eating disorder place.? No I haven’t.? Wanna know why?? Because I’m a shallow bitch, that’s why.? I think I can do this on my own.? My stupid head thinks that if I go to that place, I’ll be the fattest one there, save for the over eaters I guess.? The website shows a lot of group therapy.? I don’t want to sit around with a bunch of other people and talk about this.? I think a regular therapist will do just fine.? So we’ll see what Dr. Lithium says this afternoon.? I’m preparing myself for a lecture and a hard knock to the head.
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In the last week, I’ve only stayed up all nght twice.? I was staying up every other night, so I’m trying.? For me.? For Daren.? For the kids.? I’m also trying to eat.? Yesterday wasn’t a good day and today, so far, coffee.? My lips and mouth hurt from too much coffee, not enough water, so I have to watch the dehydration.?
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Oh! Oh! I’ve been asked why I’m blogging all this.?
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*deep sigh*
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Because of the 30 or so emails I got telling me that some of you have/have had?the same issues.? Because it helps me to record this.? Because it helps me to let it out.? Because I love writing.? Because you read it.
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If those aren’t good reasons, I really don’t know what are.
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You guys have been amazingly supportive.? You know who you are, who has written, who has shared with me deep dark secrets that you don’t talk about.? Please know that I love you and think about you and I’m trying to answer your email.? Work is keeping me sane(r) and keeping my mind busy on tasks.? This is good.
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Also the kids?? They are amazing.? I find I’m really calm with them.? They fill my heart with joy and love and when I am feeling the downs, we crawl into bed or snuggle up on the couch and read, or go outside and play now that it’s warm.? Now if doctors could bottle up all that warmth and give it to their patients, that would be something, wouldn’t it?
March 29th, 2007 at 9:51 am
We love you Karen.
I’m jealous that I couldn’t be there. If you only lived a little bit close…
March 29th, 2007 at 10:54 am
I have to say you’re sounding a bit better.
You know what’s stopping you from calling. Now just put on your big girl shoes and dial the damn number woman!
Seriously, sending as much support as I can through the internet!!!
March 29th, 2007 at 11:26 am
I’m so proud of you Karen, and I’m glad to hear that you are feeling a little better. Every little step helps!
I love you!!
March 29th, 2007 at 11:30 am
Please, PLEASE call the eating disorder place. It has nothing to do with being fat or on-deaths-door-skinny. It has to do with your health. What you are doing is *not* healthy. Anorexia can completely and permanently f*ck up your metabolisim, so please, get the help. If you want individual rather than group therapy, tell them. I think unless you are an in-patient, they can’t *make* you go to group therapy.
March 29th, 2007 at 11:35 am
That sounds like so much fun!
Hope all goes well with Dr. and I am so glad you’re feeling a bit better. Every little bit helps and eventually adds up to a ton
March 29th, 2007 at 1:03 pm
Belinda is a sweetheart! Did she make those chocolates herself? I’d bet good money that she did, she’s so talented (poodles, soaps and now chocolates? awesome).
Glad to hear you’re feeling a little better each day Karen. Even though I don’t comment much, I’m always here reading and I keep you in my thoughts. Take care of you.
…and is there any of that dip left? That spread on the coffee table made me hungry!
March 29th, 2007 at 2:43 pm
I am feeling so warm and happy right along with you right now. Hooray for the kindness of friends and strangers alike, along with the amazing restorative powers of chocolate, spanikopita and vodka.
March 29th, 2007 at 3:40 pm
Our friends do lift us up, don’t they? Especially after you’ve fallen on the floor.
March 29th, 2007 at 5:06 pm
It was my birthday last week, and the cards and little gifts were so wonderful. I’ve been dealing with health crap for so long that people just treat me like nothing’s wrong. it’s wonderful to get that little pick-me-up.
I’m so glad your kids help you. Mine have been lifesavers for me. I don’t know what I’d do with all this pain/limited mobility/etc if it wasn’t for the kids.
Thinking of you and wishing I could help.
March 29th, 2007 at 5:39 pm
You blog this because it helps some of us to read it too!
March 29th, 2007 at 5:42 pm
OK, now I cried, so we’re even. THERE.
Also, hardwood floors are made of hard wood. Repeat three times.
Also, blogging The Crazy has helped me through it more than probably any other single thing. Um, except for the drugs, maybe. Largely because people WILL send you virtual kicks in the a**.
Consider your hindmost parts kicked. Again.
And Lord, no, I can’t make those things–John and Kira’s makes those things!
March 29th, 2007 at 5:54 pm
Never a day goes by where I don’t think about you and wonder how you are doing. TOday my heart will be a bit lighter knowing that you had a girlfriend night and it was fun.
But please…call……
March 29th, 2007 at 10:28 pm
I would recognize that John and Kira’s ribbon anywhere! What a nice present.
The people who ask you why you are blogging this can go F*** the f*** off, IMO.
March 29th, 2007 at 10:53 pm
Glad to hear that you did something for you. Who’s business is it why you blog about it? Nobody’s. You’ll be fine, because you want to be. I promise. Good Luck.
March 30th, 2007 at 2:10 pm
We really do love you — and think about you. And I hope things are slowly getting back to….being well.
March 31st, 2007 at 11:02 am
Belinda rocks! I hope the chocolates tasted as good as they look. I’m a little jealous of your sleepover. It sounds like a lot of fun!
Glad to hear you’re doing better. I think about you a lot.