Passion
April 12, 2007
Ali of Cheaper Than Therapy awarded me the Thinking Bloggers Award for my posts about this thing I’ve been going through. As I commented on her blog to thank her, I told her about talking to Y yesterday on IM’s and us both saying “I’m “FINE!”‘
Fancy.
You know when a woman says she fine like that, that she isn’t totally fine, right? Here’s the deal, people. I’m sick to death of the lectures from friends and family. So instead of talking about the problems, I’ve decided that now is simply not the time to have a breakdown, and so I have re-suppressed everything and will deal with it later. It sits like vomit on the back of my throat some days, and I know this isn’t the best way, but dammit, I don’t have time for it all right now.
I’m living marginally better than before. My day goes something like this (if you’re family, be prepared for sex talk or stop reading now - ack!):
- either get up at 4:30, or having been up the entire night before, make half a pot of coffee, while chugging a 12 ounce glass of water. Jump husband. Yes, nearly every morning. Sometimes twice. That poor man is so tired. Drink the coffee and contemplate yogurt, granola and fruit. Sometimes have said breakfast before 4 p.m. or so.
- get both kids off to school, and work. Swank is hopping right now and I can’t tell you how many clients I have. It’s slightly insane, but thank you to all the ones of late who were patient, understanding and amazing through my situation, and now Heather’s ordeal. You know who you are. Especially YOU. I want to cradle your face in my hands and kiss your forehead for all your patience.
- lunchtime requires me to get Thomas from pre-school. I’ve been forcing myself to take him as much as I can manage because I find the walking does me good.
- work until dinnertime while trying to entertain Thomas (I”m back and forth from the floor to the desk), another half pot of coffee, then make dinner, which I don’t usually touch, save for veggies.
- evenings are for the kids. Once they are in bed, naked yoga with husband, jump husband again. Then I work. Sometimes all night, sometimes just until 2 a.m.
Things I am eating:
- The yogurt, strawberries/blueberries, granola combo - once every other day or two;
- Greek Salad, no olives;
- Fish when I can get it;
- Apples;
- Strawberries in bed late at night, thank you Daren…
- Whatever veggies are made with dinner. No potatoes, no meat - I can’t stomach it.
- Every Monday is Thai Food night and I love it, and eat what I can;
- My only snack is about once a week and always makes my stomach feel horrible, I think because of the fiber, but it’s that new SmartPop, with Clubhouse’s White Cheddar powder stuff on top.
And in case you’re wondering, I haven’t felt better. I’m serious. I cancelled tomorrow’s doctor’s appointment. I know she doesn’t have the referral anyway, and I’m done talking about my demons right now. Not in every capacity, but I’m more comfortable writing about that stuff when the mood strikes, or talking with Daren and close friends. I’ve drowned them in a sea of amazing passion with my husband, and work, another passion. I can’t think of a better drug-free cure than this. Why would I want to drug this new, vibrant woman into a mind-numbing, unfeeling zombie? I know, I’m being selfish, that Daren deserves a little sleep, but I’m pretty sure he is okay with the situation the way it is. 
In other news, Rachel and her daughters made me a beautiful silver, black and red necklace and 2 sets of matching earrings. My camera was left at Daren’s grandma’s on Easter Sunday, so I don’t have a picture, but she wrote a note explaining that the red beads were in 3’s to symbolize the love of Daren, Dylan and Thomas that surrounds me, and the butterflies are to remind me that I can emerge from this rotten experience, beautiful and peaceful. Rachel, the jewelry is absolutely lovely and as soon as I get my camera back, I’ll take pictures for teh internets to see. Thank you, from the bottom of my uplifted heart. You and the girls are so talented and thoughtful and kind and loving and amazing.
I haven’t been around to blogs much because of work and naked yoga, ha ha…so if you want to share something important, touching, funny, or you just miss me, leave me a note and I’ll be sure to come and visit in the next couple of days!
And for God’s sake, get that look off your face, I’m FINE!
April 12th, 2007 at 5:05 pm
oh, I’m so glad you like them! I hope you can take pictures, because my pics of them were lost in the massive hard drive crash.
I hate the “how are you” question. I’m never “fine” but I say it anyhow, because who really wants to know the real answer?
April 12th, 2007 at 6:07 pm
You actually sound great. yoga and eating well and sex? You’ve got me beat in all departments. Keep it up K…
April 12th, 2007 at 7:54 pm
YOU, my dear, you’re the one who deserves kisses! Thank you for taking a break from all the sex & naked yoga to create an amazing website for me! Hugs to you, you talented, sweet, hilarious & apparently very horny woman, you!
April 12th, 2007 at 8:54 pm
Listen. If it’s working for you for right now, then, great! Sex is great for releasing endorphins, and so is exercise.
I’m a big fan of “whatever works”.
April 12th, 2007 at 9:22 pm
As long as it is working, I say go for it. When you get a chance, deal with your problems the “right” way if you can.
Hugs to you, one of the strongest, bravest (most brave?) women I know.
April 13th, 2007 at 1:01 am
I’m being selfish here, but I’m so damn glad you’re still blogging. I missed you horribly while you were gone.
p.s.
Naked yoga rocks
April 13th, 2007 at 7:13 am
naked yoga, eh?
i do naked pilates…does that count?
April 13th, 2007 at 10:41 am
Sex every morning?! You ARE the perfect woman!
April 14th, 2007 at 8:07 pm
YOU may be fine…but I’ll take some time to recover lol jokes. Although sometimes I wish I would just heed your warnings
Sex is very good for the soul. Keep doing it lol. Sex makes people happy
April 15th, 2007 at 12:22 am
oh honey, i havent been really active lately due to things at home. mainly school. i miss reading your blog. oh and sex twice a day!! holy cow im jealous! much love sweetie.
April 16th, 2007 at 1:59 pm
I miss you terribly when you are gone but I am oh so relieved you are doing so well!
April 16th, 2007 at 8:19 pm
Sex? What’s that? Ha…only half kidding.
Sounds like you’re living and dealing better and if that’s what works then keep it up