Underneath Your Clothes….There’s a Manly Story.
That’s what I used to think the lyrics were to that old Shakira song. If you’re a member of my family, you might as well close up the page here, because I’m about to talk about The Sex. Off you go! Yes Shannon, YOU TOO. In the words of Shrek, “Bye bye now. See you later.”
There is a fine line us women walk. I’d love to grab the edge of that line and rip it out completely. It’s that line between “being a lady” and enjoying sex. It’s such a common misconception (less now than in the past) that if a women enjoys sex, she’s a whore. Now you hear song lyrics like “I want a lady in the street but a freak in the bed.”
When I worked, I had this one client who got up TWO HOURS before her husband, just to shower and put on her makeup. This was the kind of lady who clearly used a trowel for the job, and nearly knocked me out with her perfume every time she came in. I often wondered if she ever woke up one morning and said “fuck it.” I wonder if she ever climaxed. Ever rode her husband backwards cowgirl. For her sake, I hope so, but I doubt it. Do you ever just look at a person and based on mannerisms, think to yourself, “I bet she is really good in bed,” or “I bet his wife has never climaxed. With him, anyway.” I did that while waiting for my flight at LAX and it passed the time with much entertainment.
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Posted by Karen Sugarpants @
9:50 am |
Bypass for Papa.
May 30, 2007 family
Turns out my Papa has a 90% blockage in his main artery. He mowed the frigging lawn yesterday - the day before surgery. Remind me to smack him in a couple of weeks, if for nothing else but coming into the house in pale shades of grey and scaring my Granny. Granny called tonight and sounded very upbeat, but tired, and she had a headache, poor thing.
The hospital put Papa at the top of the list for the bypass and labeled him critical. The nurse told Granny they use the word critical to scare the old men because old men think they are tanks. Daren says Papa IS a tank and definitely the kind they don’t make anymore.
I’ll say.
He sat up in bed like some kind of Irish King and ate the hospital lunch all up: Shepard’s Pie. He requested a 21 year old blond nurse and a shot of whisky. Some things never change. He has always been a regular riot, surrounded by friends and laughter.
The other day when I was there, he walked up to Granny and said, “Why are your eyes so blue?” It wasn’t the lovey-dovey tone you might think, it was more like, did you put new eyes on the credit card AGAIN?
Granny took off her glasses to clean them and looked up at him, “They’ve been blue forever Jerry, whattyamean they’re so blue?”
“Jesus Christ woman! Put those glasses back on. It’s like looking at two pissholes in the snow!”
We all cracked up and Granny grabbed his face and smiled, “God you’re ugly!”
We’ll know more as things progress. There is no doubt that the sarcastic old fart I kind of definitely take after will be just fine.
Posted by Karen Sugarpants @
7:52 pm |
Bring The Love.
When you click here.
Posted by Karen Sugarpants @
4:41 pm |
Better Than “Pour Some Sugar on Me.”
This is my new favorite site. I love mashups. And I cannot stop listening to this one. And no sooner did I post this, they post a sweet mashup of Kate Bush and Pet Shop Boys. *Sob.* So good. I spent last night sending this dork lots of music and he wants more.
Men.
Always. Wanting. More.
Kaiser sent me home with 6 CDs of stuff that I didn’t have and I’m still getting through it. Among the fray: Everclear (yum, remember them?), Pagans, …And You Will Know Us by the Trail of Dead, Brainiac, The Decemberists, and his personal favorite (I think), Yo La Tengo.
Some of my favorite songs at the moment include (and look! I YouTube’d you up with videos where I could! WHO’S YER MAMA?):
The Rapture - Whoo! Alright - Yea…Uh Huh
Radio Birdman - Snake
Yo La Tengo - Can’t Seem To Make You Mine
Red Hot Chili Peppers - Hard to Concentrate (Oldest cousin is considering this for her first dance at her wedding!)
The Decemberists - July! July!
Gregory and The Hawk - Boats and Birds (this one makes me think of the boys growing up, made me cry in the car on my way up north.)
Portishead & Moloko - Fun for Me
Brainiac - Fucking with the Altimiter
Built to Spill - Cortez the Killer
Califone - The Orchids
Fujiya & Miyagi - Collarbone
What music are you loving these days?
Posted by Karen Sugarpants @
2:59 pm |
Creative Photos by Chema Madoz
Absolutely. Amazing. Photography.
Posted by Karen Sugarpants @
6:38 am |
Disney’s Desperate Housewives
Which one would you be?
Posted by Karen Sugarpants @
6:30 am |
10 Things That Piss Me Off About Blogging.
1. Pay per post. You want me to read your blog? Don’t feed me commercials. Sorry, but it sucks. Have at it with ads, and feedreader ads, I don’t care. But actual posted content about your favorite fucking cleaner? GET A REVIEW BLOG. Unsubscribe is the new black here.
2. Stay at home moms who are constantly bitching about being a stay at home mom. I’ve been a working mom, a stay at home mom, and a work at home mom. IT IS NOT THAT FUCKING HARD.
3. Memes. Stop tagging me.
4. Ranking systems. I’ve removed mine. Fuck it. Read, or don’t. I don’t fucking care. I don’t blog for you.
5. People who blog a mountain out of a molehill. I mean really. It’s a fucking molehill.
6. “10 things” lists.
There’s been some accusations lately that I’m a snob. I am. Deal with it. My neighbour called me that. My friends call me that. Fellow bloggers have called me that in jest. But the best nickname I got EVA was this past weekend from my cousin who is about to get married. Her and I are tight. Like TIGHT. We party hard together. Always got in trouble together. She surprised me Saturday night by showing up with booze and chick flicks and nachos with dip. Not only is she kick-ass that way, she nicknamed me.
Ready for it?
VODKARELLA.
Fucking right on. I think this blog might have a new name now that Thomas is growing up and out of the Troll Baby phase. I just gotta design a new header. Give it time - I’m into the vodka already so it sure as hell won’t be tonight.
I rock and that’s all you need to know. Check out the new design, bitches.
Posted by Karen Sugarpants @
4:33 pm |
Roller Coaster.
I drove home last night (instead of today, as planned) after a whirlwind weekend with family. I’m not sure what I can really say about my Papa’s upcoming procedure (or the wave of feelings surrounding it from everyone in our family) without upsetting anyone, but last night, Papa, my oldest cousin and I had a long, roller coaster kind of talk, speckled with laughter and tears. Without going into specifics, I will say my heart is hurting. He is the first real man I met, a true father-figure, and has always been a strong role model, a driving force in who I turned out to be. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t frightened or that I didn’t want to grab every clock in the world and turn it back 20 years.
Here’s the Flickr set from the weekend. I come from crazy. Fun crazy, not crazy crazy. Okay a little crazy crazy. I have a lot in my head right now and can’t really articulate, so I’m sorry for the sucky post. My cousin Jessica says it better than I can. 
Posted by Karen Sugarpants @
12:56 pm |
May Day
My Papa is having surgery on Wednesday, so the kids and I are heading up to spend some time with him and my Granny for the weekend.? We leave in the morning.
He’s fine, he’s just having some tightening in his chest so they are doing that dye thing to see what’s up.
Thomas, Ruffy and I spent some time outside today…wanna see?
Click the Canine Shnozz:
Posted by Karen Sugarpants @
5:43 pm |
You Guys Are Awesome!
Chris and Jenn’s pre-trip total is here.? Go wish those crazy kids some luck and stuff.
Posted by Karen Sugarpants @
6:44 am |
