Underneath Your Clothes….There’s a Manly Story.
May 31, 2007
That’s what I used to think the lyrics were to that old Shakira song. If you’re a member of my family, you might as well close up the page here, because I’m about to talk about The Sex. Off you go! Yes Shannon, YOU TOO. In the words of Shrek, “Bye bye now. See you later.”
There is a fine line us women walk. I’d love to grab the edge of that line and rip it out completely. It’s that line between “being a lady” and enjoying sex. It’s such a common misconception (less now than in the past) that if a women enjoys sex, she’s a whore. Now you hear song lyrics like “I want a lady in the street but a freak in the bed.”
When I worked, I had this one client who got up TWO HOURS before her husband, just to shower and put on her makeup. This was the kind of lady who clearly used a trowel for the job, and nearly knocked me out with her perfume every time she came in. I often wondered if she ever woke up one morning and said “fuck it.” I wonder if she ever climaxed. Ever rode her husband backwards cowgirl. For her sake, I hope so, but I doubt it. Do you ever just look at a person and based on mannerisms, think to yourself, “I bet she is really good in bed,” or “I bet his wife has never climaxed. With him, anyway.” I did that while waiting for my flight at LAX and it passed the time with much entertainment.
Once upon a time, I dated a guy, who tried his best to man-up, but really didn’t do it for me. Part of the problem was the fact that he wanted to control every aspect of my appearance, for appearances. To make me his version of eye candy. Which really, was quite modest and ladylike and not at all me. Sure, I like to look nice, but I sure as hell don’t want every single inch of skin covered. The funny thing is he watched HIMSELF while we were doing it, probably admiring how good he looked, rather than not thinking at all and letting go. Control is such a hindrance, isn’t it?
Then I met Daren and my body woke up. I no longer had to be someone I wasn’t. That man unleashed something within me that made my legs visibly shake and I had my first orgasm the very first time we did it, and 99% of the time after that. As we lay, side by side, breathless and grinning, I realized then I had found The Man. The Man who gets just as much pleasure from taking care of me as he does from everything else. The Man who knows to slowly savour every aspect, rather than seeing it as a means to a explosive end.
I proposed to Daren within a couple of years. Yes, you heard me right. When I want something, I go for it, and tradition is the last thing that would stop me. I bought a ring one day, and if you know me, you know I cannot keep a gift, or a good secret to save my life. That same night, I crawled into bed and you would think I had a wind up key in my back because I could not contain myself.
“What’s with you tonight?” Daren grinned. I couldn’t take it anymore.
Ripping off the covers, I ran through the apartment to where I had hid the ring and came back to his side of the bed, knelt down and popped the question. Just like a man would, except I was completely nude and didn’t buy him dinner first.
Yes ladies and gentlemen, I married him for the sex. Thank goodness he had more substance to him than that and I was blessed with a best friend for a husband and later, the perfect father to our children. The sex just gets better. And better. And better. We can go seven rounds every which way and still want more of each other. And we are 11 years into this life together, married for nearly 9 of them.
There’s always been that urban myth that men think about sex every 7 seconds. I do think most men think about sex more than most women, but in my case, I’m definitely right up there.
As for the fine line between being a lady and being a highly sexual woman, do you struggle with it? Did you cringe reading this post, knowing things about me that you might think are inappropriate to share?
I know this site has disappeared off of a couple blogrolls as of late, for appearances, and I think it’s because I’ve thrown out the peaches and cream mommyblogging crap I never really was good at writing and decided that I have not been lost in motherhood, that I am a woman with strong opinions who doesn’t feel shameful or guilty that her children do not consume her entire life. At the end of Childhood Road, I will wave to my children, walk back into our home and fuck my husband’s brains out until the inevitable happens.
May 31st, 2007 at 10:07 am
I sure didn’t cringe reading this, I nearly cheered by the end and then had to explain to my husband what the hell I was on about. I think it’s awesome that you know what you want and go after it… and that you aren’t hung up about the appearances. Blog, Mom blog, whatever, they are all blogs written by people with things to say. You won’t be gone from this RSS feed reader any time soon.
May 31st, 2007 at 10:22 am
And all the saints say………AMEN!!
Thanks, I needed that. I think often I censor my blog too much so as not to offend. You’ve got me wondering why.
May 31st, 2007 at 11:05 am
I love that you wrote all of this. I think that women like us who like sex and aren’t afraid to talk about it have a rough time sometimes in society. People don’t think women are “supposed to” talk about enjoying sex, and I say why the hell not? If men want people to actually have sex with, then maybe we should all just loosen up and consider it to be what it is…a basic need and lots of fun. I think you and I are similar in our fiesty-ness and our inability to care so much about what other people think about what we say.
May 31st, 2007 at 11:20 am
I’m giggling.
I often tell my Husband I married him for the sex.
And I feel truly sorry for women who can’t let go and enjoy. You’re right, you can read it on their faces and in their mannerisms.
May 31st, 2007 at 11:23 am
Sometimes I wish I would just listen to you when you told me to stop reading.
May 31st, 2007 at 11:23 am
Buuuuuuut I really am not the anal type of person who would be all like “omg ew Karen you enjoy sex?” because…like..ok shutting up now. But ya you didn’t offend me at all or anything lol. I probably shouldn’t have commented…since you didn’t want me reading it lmfao
May 31st, 2007 at 11:24 am
Let this at least be a lesson to HAVE FUN in bed.
(I can’t fucking believe I just said that to you, Jessie. I used to change your bum.)
May 31st, 2007 at 11:42 am
Damn.
I need to get laid.
May 31st, 2007 at 12:10 pm
hey i know that lady who gets up 2 hours early. i once went camping with her and even in the mountains chaperoning 15 teenagers she still looked perfectly coiffed. you’re right i bet she has never ridden big daddy backwards cowgirl.
lol
May 31st, 2007 at 12:34 pm
I didn’t cringe at all. Actually, I’m pretty darn jealous. It’s not that PC isn’t great. He’s beyond that.
For some reason there’s this part of me (and not to offend anyone) that is all screwed up from my Christian upbringing. Sex was bad and the work of the devil. Okay, that was all to prevent me from giving it up before I was married, but it really screwed with head. I just feel guilty and wrong when I am all ‘bad girlish.’ I’m working through it and DAMN IT I want to not have the internal struggle with myself that its OKAY to be the bad girl sex goddess he adores when I am.
Alright, this was to much info, I know. Just for the record I don’t act the ‘lady’ either. I like to look sexy and show it off and feel that way.
May 31st, 2007 at 12:59 pm
well, i will never remove you, my dear.
i heart you so freakin’ much.
and guessing whether people are good in bed or not? my favorite game to play at the gym or at the airport or on the subway or at work or at starbucks…
May 31st, 2007 at 1:37 pm
Now I wanna go home and fuck my husband.
I LOVE absolutely open posts like this - one reason you went on my feedreader in the first place.
Love you K.
May 31st, 2007 at 1:47 pm
I loved this post! As a sexy woman myself I’ve rarely seen bloggers tackle the topic. I recently started a new blog that’s open to submissions for sexy stories and fantasies. It’s called ErotiMama (http://erotimama.com) and I’m hoping it will become a great blogging outlet for women like us to strut our sexier selves.
May 31st, 2007 at 1:55 pm
I’m taking a deep breath and I hope no one attacks me or goes bat shit on me for saying this.
I like sex. I’m only afraid to say that in front of my mother.
I know I shouldn’t be, but my goodness, if I ever told her that she’d never speak to me again. (This may not be a bad thing).
There’s this struggle between sex and Catholicism with her. So I just don’t talk about it around Mom and I’m fine with that.
And I’ve only had sex with my husband. I have not had any other partner ever. So you’d think she’d be okay with hearing that I’m happy with my sex life. I think she just prefers that I keep this stuff private.
May 31st, 2007 at 2:52 pm
i will nevr disaprz you.
OH MY GOD I CAN’T STOP. I lurve you here, there, and everywhere. Whatevers.
Do I have any functioning brain cells left? I must. I can type. Right?
May 31st, 2007 at 3:09 pm
Me + Menopause = I WISH!
Green with Envy.
May 31st, 2007 at 4:07 pm
Great post! I am not afraid to talk about sex, even with my mom. However, I would be willing to bet that my mother in law thinks we have only had sex 3 times - one for each kid.
May 31st, 2007 at 6:15 pm
I’m so going to play that game the next time I’m people watching.
And yep - I tell my man I married him for the sex too. Some people just don’t know what they’re missing….
(PS - I added you to my feed reader just the other day)
May 31st, 2007 at 8:30 pm
Um. HEAR HEAR (or is that, ‘here, here’? can never remember…)
And? Why have I not been to your fantabulous blog before? Have been missing out. Am inconsolable.
May 31st, 2007 at 10:13 pm
The pic at the end cracked me up. it made me think of conversations that Eric and I used to have about what sex might be like when we were both old.
Happy memories.
I need to write something about the whole sexuality side of widowhood. I had been holding off because so many family members read my site, but screw it. It’s been rattling around in my head for a while. Do you know how much it sucks not to get laid for more than a year? Oh, well, at least I have a nice vibrator…
All of which is to simply say that I enjoyed this post, and I’m glad that you and Darin appreciate each other that way. Life’s too short to be as uptight about sex as so many people are.
May 31st, 2007 at 11:21 pm
Shameless hussy. Hoor. Heroine.
June 1st, 2007 at 12:17 am
you wont see me un-book marking you any time soon. I loved you as Troll-Baby and i love you as Vodkarella!! You Rock
June 1st, 2007 at 7:00 am
Man, I need to get laid.
June 1st, 2007 at 1:55 pm
Love the new attitude and site!!
June 1st, 2007 at 2:14 pm
And THAT (and that, and that) is why I have a girl-crush on you.
June 3rd, 2007 at 7:26 am
I think you have known me long enough to know that when you say “Don’t” I definately do, and all I can say is ……………. Whoo Hooooooo, lets go get some ass Betch!!!!!!!
June 3rd, 2007 at 8:51 pm
holy crap. your buttfucking angels ARE HYSTERICAL.
wow. i nearly fell out my chair when that popped up.
thank you for that.
s
June 5th, 2007 at 3:16 pm
Thank God for women like you. It gives me hope.
June 7th, 2007 at 7:22 am
Hey - I just got sent over here from some other blog or other on my feeder - and I am adding you - good work.
I live in too much fear of my family prudery intruding upon my sexlife to ever have the guts to post about it, so we tend to limit it to within the confines of child-free (or sleeping) hours and privacy of childproof rooms!
June 8th, 2007 at 11:46 pm
Seems I was right to bookmark this blog as another I’ll be reading regularly. My husband knows I married him for the sex. Our first time was in a hotel room where we watched cartoons, had some awesome sex and had a pillow fight. That last picture is what reminded me. We went all night before he started beating me with his pillow and screaming, “No more!”. I had three boyfriends before meeting my husband, and my husband was the first man to bring me to climax. I tell him he’s a god in bed all the time. When I tell him he makes me happy and that’s why I married him, he says, and I quote, “Yea, happy…in the pants.”. We’re such children that him saying that always makes us crack up.
There is no shame in enjoying sex. Be a nymphomaniac for your man and your man alone and no one has a right to call you a whore.
Oh and we have an agreement about “teh buttsex”…neither of us likes the idea, just too eww for us, but I understand the appeal. I just wish we lived on our own, it’s hard to be the naughty girl you want to be when you live with your father-in-law….can’t tie up the hubby and do the things he’s too ’shy’ to let you do when his dad’s in the next room.