DARE ME (and a Mother’s Day recap thingy)
Read to the end of this post - it’s worth the click from Bloglines.
I leapt outta bed yesterday morning and said, quite plainly to Daren, “SHE will not consume my thoughts today.? She doesn’t deserve to be in my head.”
“Good!”
And so it began.
We started with breakfast:
“Check it out Thomas. Mommy picked a restaurant that doesn’t even have a liquor license. Word.”
Then we did what The Big Lebowski would do:
Only Jenny will appreciate this:
The Dude: These are, uh…
Brandt: Oh, those are Mr Lebowski’s children, so to speak.
The Dude: Different mothers, huh?
Brandt: No.
The Dude: Racially he’s pretty cool?
Brandt: [laughs] They’re not literally his children. They’re the Little Lebowski Urban Achievers - inner city children of promise but without the necessary means for a - necessary means for a higher education. So Mr Lebowski is committed to sending all of them to college.
“Smokey, this is not ‘Nam. This is bowling. There are rules.”
My guys try to avoid the paparazzi:
“I’m ready for my close-up, bitches. Where’s my cell? SOMEBODY GET ME MY DAMN CELL!”
“Happy Mother’s Day, Lady. You betta recognize.”
We also had a wicked dinner at my in-laws house where Daren cracked my entire lobster open so I could just get my feedbag on. That’s love.
Oh! Oh! And we pulled into the driveway last night and Thomas noticed our Canadian Flag had been hung.
“Wook at de FLAG!!!!!!” he screamed.
“Do you know what kind of flag that is Thomas?”
“A HOCKEY FLAG!!!!!!!!”
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The Manzini Fund is over $1000 now. Can I tell you how much I want to lick you guys all over? THANK YOU SO MUCH!
I’m taking DARES to get it to $10,000, and you better post the dares like NOW because I LEAVE ON THURSDAY TO VISIT THE QUEEN OF SPAIN AND HER ROYAL FAMILY, and they are going to film said dare if that total gets to $10,000! Come on internets, we can swing this!
(Also, any bloggers around L.A. wanna party? Lemme know!)
We are also planning on blogging the entire Royal Visit, and have a few surprises in store for you. Elizabeth knows one of the secrets, but I’ve threatened to kidnap her garden gnomes if she tells you.
So, do ya DARE ME to do something, uh, DARING?
Posted by Karen Sugarpants @
6:03 pm |
Don’t Call Me Daughter
May 13, 2007 family
Alone…listless…breakfast table in an otherwise empty room
Young girl…violins…center of her own attention
The mother reads aloud child tries to understand it
Tries to make her proud
The shades go down it’s in her head
Painted room…can’t deny there’s something wrong…
Don’t call me daughter not fit to
The picture kept will remind me
Don’t call me daughter not fit to
The picture kept will remind me
Don’t call me…
She holds the hand that holds her down
She will…rise above
Don’t call me daughter, not fit to
The picture kept will remind me
Don’t call me daughter, not fit to be
The picture kept will remind me
Don’t call me…
The shades go down
The shades go, go, go…
~ Pearl Jam ~
**********************
But you CAN call me Mama.
Posted by Karen Sugarpants @
1:37 am |
Again, Feeling Like the Better Parent
Although, I do love cheese nearly as much as I love my kids.
Posted by Karen Sugarpants @
4:18 pm |
Free Fousand Teef
May 11, 2007 family
I was talking to Amanda tonight and it occurred to me I haven’t talked about the Troll Baby himself in a very long time. And by long time, I mean at least a week. I’m not checking - whatever.
My boys are such boys.
So spring sprung like forever ago and we had this one red tulip show up in one of the front gardens. Thomas peered in and said, very excitedly: “WOOK MOMMY! DERES A STEERING WHEEL IN DIS FWOWER!”
Today I was plucking my eyebrows and as some of you know, I’m a big pussy about it and the tears were streaming down my face. Thomas was watching me closely and then quietly ran out of the room, only to come back with a board book full of British kids and emotions or something. Why it matters if they are British, I don’t know, but I’m into the vodka and cranberry tonight and shutthefuckup.
He turns to the page with the kids crying and says, “Dat is YOU Mommy.”
After a few seconds, I look, and confirm that yes, Mommy is crying over her stupid eyebrows.
He looks up at me, stands up, puts his hand on my cheek and says:
“Except you have Free Fousand Teef.”
“I have 3000 teeth?” I laugh.
“Yeah. Free Fousand teef and dey are sharp and bite stuff.”
“Like what?” (still laughing)
“Wike strawberries. Your Free Fousand teef bite straaaaawberries.”
“Okay.”
“I don’t wike strawberries, Mommy.”
“I know.” (back to plucking, crying, and snotting all over the place….sniff)
“Does it hurt Mommy?” (he is staring at me now)
“No honey,” *sniff* “It’s ok.”
“You should put cweam on it and make it feel better and your Free Fousand teef will bite the ouchies and it will be okay and i will kiss your eyebrows if you want because you kiss my knee when i felled on the gwound and put a bandaid on it and you kiss my bandaid and it fells better and everything is okay, right Mommy?”
Wow. Nearly 3 and already he talks as much as his Mom. Wicked.
Posted by Karen Sugarpants @
11:02 pm |
And One More Thing
I’m reviewing “The Dangerous Book for Boys” today.? This is definitely the best thing we have reviewed for Parentbloggers yet.? A must-have for any family with boys.? And while I get the book free, I do not get paid to say nice things, so you know I’m telling you the straight goods.? Go check it out.
Posted by Karen Sugarpants @
9:10 am |
Because This Site Would Not Be Complete If I Didn’t Show You My Breasts *updated*
UPDATE BELOW
Well you all know I’m a brunette, so that isn’t me.
Read on to find out where my breasts are being exposed!
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But first!
Manzini Fund Update, and I have a MISSION for you below whereby you can probably embarrass the shit outta me.
Thank you to whoever nominated this post for a Just Post Award. (Thank you Catherine!)
Thank you also to the astounding and talented Chris at Know It All Moms (and also from Serendipity Mine) for writing a lovely post (and OMG this even MORE lovely post too) directing more people here to help! You said it better than I ever could!
The Manzini Fund is on my mind all day, every day. I think about those mothers, who are urged to breastfeed their children, despite the risk of transmitting HIV. Can you even fathom making that kind of decision? The kids in the orphanage that Chris and Jenn are going to see, have lost their parents so very early. Chris and Jenn emailed me last night with the total so far and I broke down thinking about those kids, their moms and dads, and how much of an impact we can make on their lives.
Here’s the scoop from my Chris, who clearly thinks he is Jennster with the no capital letters thing. Hi Jenn! Aren’t you married yet? Ha ha…love you, wench! (man there are two Chris’ and two Jenns on this post. Anyone need a flowchart?)
Okay the update so far (drumroll please!):
there is no way in hell we would have ever come close to this amount without your help
you’re free to up the current total on your website, and i can always email you updates!
i know that preschool items are in need ( i’m trying to set aside a
few hundred for that)
i just found out today that the kids at the orphanage make bead
jewelery and clay jewelery (sculpey clay?) and sell it for profit for
the orphanage. This ‘Sculpy clay’ does not exist in Swaziland ( or in
south africa ), so they’ve requested that i bring some along .
i’ve got sporting items being donated.
i’ve got educational books / learning to read books on the way
Maybe $5 can buy hope. Maybe $5 can give them something they’ve never
had… something these kids didn’t even know existed…. Maybe $5 can
let them know that, half a world away, there is people that give a
shit about them… people they’ve never met… people they will never
meet… but regardless, they’ll learn that the world is not against
them. And maybe with that hope, and that memory that people in the
west that have everything they’d ever want are willing to give up some
of it for these kids, maybe they will decide that if the world is not
their enemy - they can stay in school rather than live on the street -
they can learn to read and write - they can learn basic nutrition -
they can learn about HIV/AIDS (although, they probably know more about
that than 99% of north americans ).
i don’t know what $5 will buy at the store in Manzini or Mbabane…
perhaps it’s 1 pair of shoes, or 10 books. Maybe it’s 100 rolls of
toilet paper. Or nutritious food.
i’ll get off my soap-box now
i wish i had a solid answer for you - but i won’t make shite up,
cause’ i really don’t know
current total $726.12 USD ( a special shout out to Drinda
in Vancouver for kicking in $100 Amr !! )!
You guys really are amazing. Please please please continue to spread the word, and let’s get that total as high as possible! Five bucks is all I am asking for, remember?
Five Bucks.
Donate here.
I love you guys.
Now here’s the part where you get to have your way with me. I’m trying to think up a dare I can videotape for you guys if we get over a certain amount. Think we can raise $10,000? I wonder.
What daring thing could I do, that would put $10,000 into Manzini?
The very same Chris that is going to Manzini, shaved his HEAD for the B.C. Children’s Hospital in March of this year! Here are the pictures to prove it:
BEFORE: (Isn’t he adorable? He is like a baby brother to me)
AFTER: (He raised $1200 doing this)
I could sing for you. Dance? Gimmie some ideas guys….what daring thing could I do, to make that total at LEAST $10K???
*cringing*
Show you my tits? Oh wait, I’m already doing that.
Watch the Queen of Spain’s blog, where, coming soon, myself and a lot of other women are baring our boobs! We want the anti-public-breastfeeding ignorant fucks to know: they are JUST TITS.
UPDATE: All Hail the TIT BRIGADE! (Obviously not safe for work)
Posted by Karen Sugarpants @
7:41 am |
Infant Set on Mat to Play with A King Cobra
Suddenly I feel like a better parent.
Posted by Karen Sugarpants @
3:03 pm |
My Hometown
As I await linkage for my next major post, I bring you: My hometown of Toronto.? Scroll your mouse over the picture to see the picture time lapse!
Posted by Karen Sugarpants @
2:57 pm |
Africa $$$ Update, Now With Tits!
You guys are amazing! As of late last night, there was over $500 U.S. donated to the Africa trip! A HUGE thank you to Plain Jane Mom, Girl con Queso, and Kristen Darguzas of Parent Dish for spreading the word about this trip. Donations will be accepted right up until the end of the month when Chris and Jenn leave, so if anyone would be willing to continue spreading the word, that would be SO great.
****************************
So, Erin posted a picture this morning on her blog. Of her tits. Yeah she did. Why? Well, Sarah had written at Strollerderby about Maggie Gyllenhaal breastfeeding in public and the paparazzi had a field day with it, as did some of Sarah’s commenters.
Tell me something. Yes, you. Is your body your own? Do you let anyone tell you how to cut your hair? Do you listen to anyone who shoves their castor oil opinions down your throat on your job, your home, the way you wipe your ass? Do you take the advice of ignorant people on parenting your children?
No? Good. Well…
Have you ever been made to feel guilty for a parenting decision you’ve made? Have you ever felt pressure to make a parenting decision that wasn’t right for you?
I have. And I know I’m not alone. I truly enjoyed breastfeeding Dylan for 3 months until Kawasaki’s Disease took our nursing time away, and I was very upset when the decision was out of my hands.
When Thomas came along, there was no question I would breastfeed him. He fought me at every. bloody. feeding. 9 months later, after 9 months of resenting my decision to breastfeed, 9 months of pressure from media, doctors, family and society in general, I weaned the little vampire and celebrated my body being mine again.
Sure, I was able to breastfeed. Hell, I did it in my sleep. I had to - he was up every goddamn hour. But - I hated it. I HATED BREASTFEEDING.
If I had to do it all over again, I would have stopped after maybe a month. Maybe I wouldn’t have even started. Call me a bad mother for resenting it so much, but a mother who resents her baby for a decision she felt compelled to make gets forced into corners of depression, anger, and does not bond with her child. I didn’t bond with Thomas until he was about 18 months old. I regretted having him. I regretted breastfeeding. I don’t know what the hell I was out to prove, but it really is true: “If Mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.” Our household was very tense for those 9 months. The hushed, unspoken words of divorce stood at the door, just waiting to come in. Thank goodness they didn’t.
Having said all that, I did breastfeed whenever and wherever I needed to. One time, at the ER, I was having chest pains, which we later found out was my first panic attack, Thomas needed to be fed and I watched, out of the corner of my eye, an entire row of a dozen men in chairs avert their eyes, occasionally glancing over as they pretended to look around. It was hysterically funny to me.
Tits are everywhere. Television, movies, books, magazines, and we all know the internet shoulda been named the Titernet.
What is the big deal?
Even in the city where Chris and Jenn are going, HIV-infected mothers are encouraged to breastfeed their babies despite the threat of transmission. There are more important things to fight for then the right to nurse your child in public without the stigma from ignorant people who’s opinion on the matter shouldn’t weigh, aren’t there?
My point is, that if you are a new or expecting Mom, whether it to baby # 1, or baby #18, you really ought to listen to your gut. If your life is sucking because your baby is suckling, don’t do it because society tells you to.
Don’t breastfeed because it’s the healthiest thing for your child. Give it a shot if you are able (most of us are, but not all), and let you and your baby take the time to learn the process for 3-4 weeks. THAT alone is a great start. After 3 weeks, your nipples shouldn’t feel like they are on fire anymore, and your baby will have the routine down pat. If after a month, 2 months, 3 months, you really really don’t want to do this anymore ~ then DON’T.
Take it from someone who wishes those first 10 months of Thomas’ life had been spent with rays of laughter and love, not dark clouds of guilt and sadness. If you’re a mom now, or about to be, you are already sporting a spine of steel.
You are powerful.
Don’t let ANYONE make you feel like shit for making a decision that is right for YOU.
I’m glad I learned that. It made me a better mother than I was trying to be.
Posted by Karen Sugarpants @
2:07 pm |
