Paris Hilton’s Best Interview EVER.

June 30, 2007 BlogPants

Bye Bye Bye

June 29, 2007 family

I’m heading up to see family for the weekend (change of plans - i’m still too sick to go) while Daren tears apart our laundry room and turns it into a 2nd bathroom all proper like. Right now it’s a laundry room with a toilet in it, which really has been handy for the Pavlovian thing going on with my bladder every time I do laundry. Washer starts, I need to pee, so I plop my ass down and before I know it, I’m multitasking. I know, I’m weird. That’s why you like me.

This (Next weekend) will be the first time I see Papa since the triple bypass, as I’ve been coughing from some weird virus and didn’t want to risk his fragile state. He is totally going to kick my ass for calling him fragile, but hopefully he will forgive me once he sees he is in my bio at Drool* that has made him internet famous. My grandparents are so cute how proud they are of the things I do online. He seriously will bookmark that page and show his friends. So adorable.

I’m bringing Matilda (the laptop) with us, and I hope there are hot spots to dial into so I can get my fix and possibly get some work done. Summer is kicking my ass and yesterday was only day two. I’m not sure about wireless in Retirement Town, Ontario, a place where garbage day is the highlight of the week. Papa calls it Heaven’s Waiting Room because everyone there is just waiting for their day to keel over.

The other day when I called Granny and Papa, I talked to Granny and then she shouted down for Papa to pick up the phone. After she hung up the extension, I asked him if he missed his whiskey. He laughed quietly and whispered, “I’m not supposed to, but I’m having one now.”

It instantly brought me back to when I was 15 and my Granny had gone out for the evening. I thought Papa was asleep in the rec room so I went out on the back deck and hid by the fence to sneak a cigarette. Next thing I knew, the patio door slid open and I heard him ask, “What are you doing?”

I looked at him, wide-eyed, and replied, “nothing,” and a cloud of smoke came out of my mouth.

“Get in the house and don’t tell your grandmother.”

We never spoke of it again. And now, my lips are sealed.

*I don’t have to pimp out my involvement in Drool, but the job is really fun so go see us there and comment on this stuff!

Alternate Music Selection For The Dance Off

June 28, 2007 BlogPants

In case I can’t find the music for the dance in the previous post, there’s always “Walk It Out.”

Although, I think we might look more klutzy than Gwen Verdon…kinda like this:

I’ll be Drunky Wunky Tinky Winky.

You MUST Pee Before You View This Entry

BlogPants

[12:13] KRTrollbaby: I’m going to learn this fantastic dance with you: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1V5mtskDcIk

[12:14] JackandHalasMom: watching now-just got back from running errands

[12:14] KRTrollbaby: it’s so groovy

[12:14] KRTrollbaby: i bet we could dance to my boobs are ok with this (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aqGrgaQsIIE)

[12:15] KRTrollbaby: the hip action is killing me

[12:15] JackandHalasMom: oh my

[12:15] KRTrollbaby: you better start fucking practicing

[12:15] JackandHalasMom: I think

[12:15] JackandHalasMom: I think

[12:16] KRTrollbaby: we will be so hot at blogher with this act

[12:16] KRTrollbaby: i’m sewing our pants right now

[12:16] JackandHalasMom: k. I can’t do those high kicks

[12:16] JackandHalasMom: but I can try

[12:16] KRTrollbaby: and vests

[12:16] JackandHalasMom: I can

[12:16] JackandHalasMom: however

[12:16] JackandHalasMom: master that pelvic motion

[12:16] JackandHalasMom: that’s easy

[12:16] KRTrollbaby: you bring the hairspray - cuz the airport authority probably won’t let me get on the plane with 56 cans of HairNet

[12:17] KRTrollbaby: i’m laughing so hard

[12:17] JackandHalasMom: god

[12:17] JackandHalasMom: it keeps going

[12:17] KRTrollbaby: tears running down my face

[12:17] JackandHalasMom: oooh spot light at the end

[12:17] KRTrollbaby: HAWT

[12:18] KRTrollbaby: the head bobbing……….ROFL

[12:18] JackandHalasMom: she didn’t even really DANCE

[12:18] JackandHalasMom: and she’s the greatest??

[12:18] KRTrollbaby: she is awesome

[12:18] KRTrollbaby: i really wish i was her

[12:18] KRTrollbaby: by the way

[12:18] KRTrollbaby: those women

[12:18] KRTrollbaby: learned it all

[12:18] KRTrollbaby: from the black people

[12:19] KRTrollbaby: white people don’t move like that

[12:19] KRTrollbaby: ha ha ha

[12:19] JackandHalasMom: well yeah…but…the skipping

[12:19] JackandHalasMom: I can do the skipping and land in a toe tap

[12:20] JackandHalasMom: dear lord. I’m watching it again

[12:20] KRTrollbaby: a toe tap …….. i just snorted

[12:20] KRTrollbaby: i am too - i’ve watched it 2 times already

[12:20] JackandHalasMom: its like -exactly what I think

[12:20] KRTrollbaby: omg it’s called Mexican Breakfast

[12:20] JackandHalasMom: of paula abduls coreography

[12:20] KRTrollbaby: which is what….a taco?

[12:20] KRTrollbaby: a pink taco?

[12:20] JackandHalasMom: ROFL

[12:20] JackandHalasMom: stop

[12:21] KRTrollbaby: i’m dying here

[12:21] KRTrollbaby: i need this break so bad

[12:21] JackandHalasMom: head bob. pelvis thrus. head bob

[12:21] KRTrollbaby: rofl

[12:21] KRTrollbaby: i’m blogging this

[12:21] JackandHalasMom: oh yes

[12:21] JackandHalasMom: you are

[12:21] JackandHalasMom: you can say

[12:21] JackandHalasMom: its what vodkarella

[12:21] KRTrollbaby: you me and sarah are learning this

[12:21] JackandHalasMom: will make your av do

[12:21] KRTrollbaby: for blogher

[12:21] KRTrollbaby: so we can kill Y and Jenn in the dance off

[12:21] JackandHalasMom: you know

[12:21] JackandHalasMom: last year kell and I

[12:22] JackandHalasMom: were supposed to do the will smith carlton dance

[12:22] KRTrollbaby: ROFL

[12:22] JackandHalasMom: I need to revive that

[12:22] KRTrollbaby: omg the running man at 2:19

[12:23] KRTrollbaby: go back and watch it

[12:23] KRTrollbaby: then the leaping shortly after

[12:23] JackandHalasMom: I SAW it

[12:23] KRTrollbaby: fuck i’m dying

[12:23] KRTrollbaby: i’m giggling so bad

[12:24] JackandHalasMom: I need to find that other one

[12:24] JackandHalasMom: so I can show the montage of accepted blogher dances

[12:24] KRTrollbaby: i think i’ll just copy this whole convo and paste it under the video. lazy blogger

[12:24] KRTrollbaby: awesome

[12:25] KRTrollbaby: and holy crap the ending - the host totally is talking to Gwen’s tits

[12:25] KRTrollbaby: i think he works for UPS now

[12:25] JackandHalasMom: ROFL

[12:25] JackandHalasMom: stop

[12:25] JackandHalasMom: you are killing me

[12:25] KRTrollbaby: ok off to blog this

All You Mouthbreathers Are Shit Outta Luck

BlogPants

Ever heard of Nozin? Get ready for a laugh.

You Are My Drooly Sunshine

June 27, 2007 family

I know this blog hasn’t changed in days. Truth be told, I found it difficult to write anything after the last post. But here goes.

Saturday night after I had posted the news about DJ (Puppy Monster), Thomas had slept from 5:30 till 8:30 (his newest habit is putting himself down for naps at highly inconvenient times). So at 8:30, knee-deep in work, I had to stop and be his playmate since Daren and Dylan had just left to hang with Daren’s parents.

Thinking we should keep things low-key in order to invoke more sleep, I decided to get in a warm bubble bath with Thomas and we had so much fun! I pretended the facecloth was a shark, and we made shark milkshakes (yum!), and ate shark nuggets. Which sounds totally gross but since they were pretend nuggets and not the real, floaty bath time nuggets, we were totally safe. And free from ecoli, dontcha know?

We built and toppled shark mountain, several times. The water grew increasingly cold and when my nearly 33 year old limbs had enough of the cross-legged-mama-in-the-tub pose, we got out and read stories. I sang Rock-a-bye baby, and You Are My Sunshine until Thomas was asleep in my arms.

I could not put him down. I wept quietly for Dave, for his wife, for their beloved son, DJ. I prayed for them. I held my baby boy tight and wished until my heart ached for Dave’s family to find peace.

Internet, you have been amazing. The money raised, the well-wishes, the word getting out…its all been beautiful. I’m just so thankful some days to be a part of the blogging world, you know?

**********************************

Changing the subject, I gotta bit of news. Seems the lovely people at Babble kinda like me a little. They offered me a really fun job whereby I get to sometimes be snarky about products that are for kids and babies. Sometimes I even get to inadvertently poke at people with more money than brains. That’s serious fun. So come check out my new gig at Drool.icio.us. Even if you’re past the baby stages, as I am, it’s still kinda fun to see the crap people are buying. Suckers.

Plus my bio is kinda cute.

(Some of it is kinda cool/cute and make my ovaries ache, but that soon goes away after a drink or five.)

Oh changing the subject again, I got a laptop!? So like, when the pervy UPS man came (ew), I totally got so excited that I offered his sweaty ass (ew) a bottle of water, even though he totally talked to my tits the whole time (ew).? Yeah.? He’s like that, but still, I cannot stop the ebaying.

So maybe, just maybe I can get a tan this summer! SO exciting for a ghastly Canadian white girl. I have been working insane hours and if you’re a customer and reading this, I love you and will get your site done asap and I am sorry it is taking so long for those of you who are amazingly patient (MW, I’m talking about you and you are my one and only tomorrow, baby). I set up wireless in my house today so I could take care of everything from anywhere in the house (I wonder if this wireless connection will go all the way to the park?). Designing sites while tanning watching Thomas outside? This is the life.

WHY didn’t I buy a laptop sooner? DUH.

So Unfair

June 23, 2007 BlogPants

A fellow blogger, Dave, has lost his only son. If you already read NYC Watchdog, you know just how special 5 year old “Puppy Monster” was. If you don’t know Puppy Monster, please go see how beautiful and amazing this sweet little boy was, while you offer your condolences.

Dave, my heart breaks for you, babe.

Dear readers, please send donations here. (Thanks Avitable & Amy for pulling everything together so fast.)

I know it can’t bring back Dave’s little angel (God how I wish it could)…but maybe it will ease the burden of finances.

So unfair.

Thanks to Sam to linking this on Sk*rt…please take a sec to bump it up so more people see it and donate as well. Thanks everybody.

UPDATE: The total is over $2000…amazing.? I am floored by the blogging community right now.? I know money can’t fix everything, but I’m sure it will help.? Keep spreading the word..and thank you once again.?

Facebook: Are They Just Using Us?

June 22, 2007 BlogPants

Do You Have a Facebook?? Watch this.

Like Ducks, Only Not

family

Tonight I took Thomas with me for a quick trip to the drugstore for pantyliners and milk. Okay, and M&M’s. But don’t tell my ass.

We’re standing in the maxipad section and I’m calculating the square root of pantyliners savings if I buy the 80 bazillion pack vs. the one I always get, and Thomas excitedly shouts at me:

“Look Mum! All the vaginas are lined up in a neat row!”

At least he is calling them vaginas now.

I’ve Always Suspected This Bothered Gay Men

June 21, 2007 BlogPants

Now I know. A Memo to Straight Women Seeking A Gay Male Friend.