Vagina Talk: Part Three, BlogHer and a Ranty Rant
July 30, 2007
While I was away, Daren managed to keep the house clean, clean up the outside of the house and the real estate sign is up! People have been driving by at all hours, checking us out from afar and I’m sitting here in my jammies this morning, wondering if anyone would be ballsy enough to ring the doorbell and ask for a peek. God I hope not.
No sweetheart, I don’t know if people do that sort of thing, but I do know human curiousity is strong and that we have a desirable house up for sale. I grew up in apartments so Daren laughs at me when I say stuff like that, but having never been a homeowner before this, I simply don’t have words like soffits and pilot lights in my vocabulary.
So part of Daren’s big strategy to keep the house looking like a magazine, was to spend time at his parents’ place with the boys. Good call, really, since they are always good for juice boxes and extra kisses. Thomas had the family in stitches running around with an empty water gun, yelling “Douche! Douche!” and shooting his father. Then he threw his arms around Daren and said, “Daddy, I’m sorry I had to douche you.”
I wonder if Daren’s family wonders where all this vagina talk comes from. I guess it’s all that raging human curiousity in the air.
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My experience at BlogHer was weird and surreal and had nothing really to do with BlogHer since I didn’t conference, I just cocktailed and explored Chicago with close friends. I ate very little and got flack, then drank too much and got flack. I spent too much and more flack is on the way about that I’m sure. At one point I holed myself up in the room for a couple of hours just to regain composure so I wouldn’t lose my shit. I knew I couldn’t cut Kimberly’s trip short so I stuck it out and I’m glad I did.
I connected with the people I wanted to connect with, but those moments were too short and there was just so much squeeing I was nauseated by it. I’m not great at being “on” all the time and that was exhausting. I wasn’t there to promote anything and some people didn’t understand that. Mostly I was just myself and I think some people who don’t really know me that well might have been disappointed ~ though I really don’t care. You know me ~ not looking to impress anyone.
Some of the best moments were making drinks nearly fly out of lovely women’s faces and having deep talks with friends. Everyone I managed to really have a sit-down with was a series of layers ~ some of which I identified with, some I didn’t. Some people were just plain silly and that was fun too. And the drive….OY. So awesome.
I will say this: BlogHer has really done way more than they originally set out to do. The empowered women I heard about, met and admired from afar were in abundance. Of those same women, there are friends of mine, I was extremely proud of for finding their voices, sharing their knowledge with other women, surpassing their own goals and that was something to really enjoy.
It’s kinda like watching your friends’ children grow up - you can’t really take any credit, but you are so proud to be there to see it. Way to go, ladies. I’m not linking because you all know who you are and I’m so proud to know so many intelligent women who are driven and succeeding in all different ways.
The only other thing I really want to say is that I saw some criticism directed at the women who are driven. We all have different goals and I think there needs to be more respect of that. There were women there looking to publish a book, to drive traffic to their site, to start companies, and many other things ~ it bothered me to hear jealous rants about this person or that person and I said so when it was done near me. As a work at home mom, I know it’s hard to juggle stuff sometimes and I would hope that the people that I call friends would not act like Mean Girls. Sure it’s competitive in some ways, but know that when you are being cut-throat jealous about someone, it reflects negatively on you.
Also, I had an argument with someone about how hard I work. I was accused of being lucky. If there is one thing I’m not, it’s lucky. Five years ago, I was pigeonholed into a career I hated and I missed my family, especially Dylan, at the time. We all have choices. I made things happen for me by teaching myself html, css and graphic design, and then opening Troll Baby Graphics and throwing an ad on Suburban Bliss, a few years ago. I created a trust with women who, for the most part, were new at this blogging thing, and yes, it was hard work, but it has always been fun. Now I can say I play hard, not work hard, because I love where I’m at. (Having said that, except for current clients, I’m on hiatus from Swank until September 10th.)
The argument got pretty heated on my part ~ I was made to feel as if this whole business I built had been handed to me and dammit, that isn’t the case at all. There are so many assumptions about the women in our blogging community flying through the air that I had to step back this weekend and shout “Hey motherfuckers! We ALL worked hard to get to this point! No one here is lucky.” Ugh.
Take a look around and look at your fellow bloggers - the ones you know, deep in your heart, that are working hard. Maybe they make it look easy, but I know some of these women personally and it pisses me off that they are placed in Ivory Towers and made to look like they accomplish things effortlessly. Being a work at home mom is a juggling act and I think these women deserve some credit. You don’t need to step on heads to get to the top, especially when the top is a wide platform filled with all different kinds of achievements.
*Deep sigh*
Anyway, fellow work at home moms, I’m really proud of what I saw of you this weekend. I hope those of you who spoke or taught others something did well.
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Now that I’m home, I have a lot to accomplish before we head to the cottage, and the most important thing is hanging with the three guys I missed like mad this weekend. I’m off to play Magnetix on the carpet with two loud kids. Shweet.
July 30th, 2007 at 10:35 am
I loved meeting you, Karen and thought you were great! I wish we’d had more time to hang out, but I didn’t want you to think I was cheesy or anything…
July 30th, 2007 at 10:39 am
Welcome home!
July 30th, 2007 at 11:27 am
The drive was SO awesome! Panic, Joy, big buildings, and sex talk. What better way to spend 14 hours int he car with someone you’ve never met?
I told you the magnetix would be a hit. And I agree with everything you had to say about BlogHer.
July 30th, 2007 at 11:32 am
Glad you’re back (and I hope you post a little more too). I’m sorry that you had to have a confrontational experience at BlogHer. That’s o fun anywhere, but at a conference where you’re meant to celebrate each others achievements (or so I thought that’s what it was) is truly sad.
I think you’re amazing and do fabulous work. I know for a fact that it’s not easy and being self taught makes it even more challenging. To have that “taken” away by being labeled as “lucky” is really insulting. Good for you for standing up for yourself and saying something. I don’t think I would of had the balls to do that.
Have a great time with your boys!
July 30th, 2007 at 11:40 am
Unfortunately, there are always a few bad apples in every group.
Stems from jealousy and insecurity.
Nasty.
July 30th, 2007 at 11:47 am
Oh I HATE that “lucky” crap, because I work from home, is that what you got crap about?
Sure I have more freedom, but I also don’t get paid vacation or health benefits or 401k. Sometimes, I don’t even have steady work (except for 2 jobs where I get paid regularly) so I stress over that. People have no idea.
July 30th, 2007 at 11:50 am
That “you’re lucky” bullshit pisses me off. It’s so insulting.
It was really great meeting you. I wish we could have had more time to talk.
Enjoy your men! The best part of going away is coming home.
July 30th, 2007 at 12:04 pm
I still can’t believe that I didn’t realize you were who you were for part of the night. You need a wedgie.
July 30th, 2007 at 2:01 pm
You know, this is the first post that I’ve read about Blogher that wasn’t saccharinely sweet.
Thank you!
Don’t get me wrong, I am bummed that I didn’t get to go. But, this post makes me realize that things weren’t as “perfect” as everyone seems to have made it out to be.
July 30th, 2007 at 2:03 pm
I know what you mean about the pot shots. I just don’t get it. I don’t understand why there is any resentment against you, an other women, who’ve figured out how to do what you love and get paid for it.
July 30th, 2007 at 2:12 pm
I was glad to read your honest, personal account of what BlogHer was like. It was refreshing. Thanks!
July 30th, 2007 at 2:18 pm
You’re right, we all work hard to get to where we are, or where we’re going in some cases. I think few of the women at BlogHer could say it was just luck that brought them there.
It was fabulous getting to chat with you more this year. And if you’re serious about that visit to your place, it might just have to happen. I don’t know if I want to go another full year before seeing you again!
Glad you had a (mostly) good time. Sorry I missed out on Saturday night - I fell asleep while nursing. Doh.
July 30th, 2007 at 2:36 pm
Cannot wait to see you again. Never enough time, but I have held The Whatever hostage so you will come stay with me. SOON! (Or meet in the middle.) I will NOT go another year without the hang out.
I am glad you came and talked me into coming. Time was too short, but I love the hell out of you whether we have 72 hours together or 10 minutes!
July 30th, 2007 at 3:21 pm
It IS hard work, all that drinking. Oh, wait, that’s not what you were talking about, is it?
July 30th, 2007 at 3:22 pm
I had a mixture of feelings about the conference as well. It was amazing to be with such a large group of empowered women. It was sad to feel like I was often on the set of Mean Girls. I wasn’t prepared for that and found it tremendously disappointing.
I’m sorry we didn’t get a chance to talk.
July 30th, 2007 at 6:00 pm
That’s one of the major reasons I don’t have an overwhelming need to go to the conference. My blog doesn’t fit into any neat categories, and doesn’t have anywhere near the traffic that most of the BlogHers have. I just don’t know if I would fit in there.
July 30th, 2007 at 6:46 pm
Glad you’re home! And so wish I had been able to meet you
I think one of the biggest reasons I didn’t want to go was I was soooo terrified of the HS like drama and judging. I just can’t handle that shiot anymore.
xoxo
July 30th, 2007 at 9:37 pm
Lucky, feh. I agree with you. Talent and hard work almost always kick lucky’s ass. Some people ARE better at blogging than others. If your blog has 3 readers and no one pays attention to you, it probably isn’t because of your sparkling wit and your great ideas, so quitcher wanking. I am willing to admit that there are many, many people who are more talented and hard-working than me.
July 31st, 2007 at 10:05 am
I *feel* lucky to be working from home at a job I love rather than commuting every day, but luck isn’t what got me this job. Skills, hard work, relationships built over the past 10 years… THOSE things got me this job. There are people who, when only the result is visible, assume that the invisible something behind that result must be LUCK. Those are the people who will likely never get what they want because of “bad luck”. There are others who look at another’s success and say, “wow, she must have worked hard. What can I do to emulate her, so that I may have success also?” Those people are MUCH more likely to get what they want. I’d like to think that *that’s* what the women who attend BlogHer are looking for when they attend sessions on self-promotion and networking and advertising and storytelling — some insight into What It Takes to get what you want.
Congratulations, by the way, on getting what *you* want!
July 31st, 2007 at 10:55 am
You ate pretty well when you were in my company, and also did not drink too much. I might as well take credit for that. Yay, me! All right, just kidding. But really. You were so sweet to me.
August 1st, 2007 at 2:52 pm
Nicely said. You work hard. That’s key. Hearing something like “she was lucky” must really burn.
Gack.
It’s hard enough out there, people — let’s support women trying to DO things!
While I wasn’t at Blogher, I sure did enjoy hanging out with you earlier in the week at Trivia — I bet you’re even more fun in person!
August 2nd, 2007 at 2:33 pm
Shit! How did I miss you at BlogHer?? I’m so bummed!