You can take the mommy out of blogger but can you make her think?
August 4, 2007
Hi there! It’s me, Jenn. The Jenn of Mommy Needs Coffee. (And, yes, BlogHer and Aggroqueen and Mommybloggers and even more sites I contribute to, but *whew* that wore me out! So, see! You do know me!) Can you believe Karen handed over the reigns to me? I can’t either! I mean, the blackmail photos I have would…well, they would get Karen to destroy me, so nevermind. No blackmail photos. Yet.
You know, there is a lot of pressure to guest blog on such a popular blog. And one without the name MOMMY in it. I was jumping up for glee to write on a site with a cool name like Vodkarella. I mean, I can even *gasp* say “the F word” if I want to. (Let’s hope she didn’t check anything that says she won’t use profanity.)
I met the always hilarious Karen at BlogHer last year. We spent most of the weekend like this.
This year, the time we spent together was much like this:
Are you seeing a pattern? We laugh together. A lot. Why, because she is HILARIOUS. Not that I need to tell you wonderful readers. So, the pressure to be funny is immense. I don’t know if I have the funny. I think one of the reasons we get along so well is because we can laugh. With each other and at each other. I almost passed up the chance to see her this year until she so sweetly told me, “You are going or I will fucking mess you up!” Doesn’t leave much to question, now does it. When Karen speaks, I listen. Or pretend to. Or just flat out ignore her and then pretend the phone cut out or blame it on her Canadian accent. Any of them work. Though, she is on to me now and I am going to have to come up with some new ones.
So, in the spirit of laughing at me, let me share one of my best “I cannot believe I am such a klutz” moments with you. It is one that makes her laugh and call me the ever endearing “dumbass” that I have come to know and love from her.
While on vacation and the night was clear and beautiful, I decided to take the opportunity to enjoy the incredible stars that seemed to go on forever. The best way to see such an amazing sight was from our upper deck with (of course) a telescope. Gleefully hopping up into the bar/deck chair, I lean forward to look at the beauty of nature.
And fall ass over tea kettle.
Ironically, I didn t even know I fell until I hit the ground with my knee. (Bless the sturdy workmen who did an excellent job on putting up the railing around the upper deck as it kept me from plummeting to my death below.)
Suddenly I am gasping in pain unable to stand up and seeing stars of a different sort. (Before you even ask, I was stone cold sober, my friends.) My older brother was immediately by my side.
Can you get up? Are you okay?
No! I am so NOT okay. My knee must be broken and bleeding and I am sure that I have a concussion! (Drama much?)
My brother helped me up and then went on with, & Want me to throw that fucking telescope in the ocean. I will get that bitch to the Bahamas! (I do so love having a big brother to take care of me. )
My knee in fact was bruised and scraped, but not broken or gushing gallons of blood. It was then that the embarrassment hit. To witness my wonderful act of grace was my nephew, my sister, my brother-in-law, my teen and of course my brother.
My nephew is three and kept chanting: What happened to my Jennifer? What happened to my Jennifer? What happened to my Jennifer? I wanted to reply, That son-of-a-bitch chair and I just had a throw down and it won! but rather replied, I just fell down. I am okay.
My sister just laughed. (In her defense, I would have done the same thing had it been her.)
My brother-in-law pretended not to see it as to not have to commit to laughter or sympathy until he saw whether I was going to cry or laugh.
And my teen?
He sits back in his deck chair having never gotten up in the first place and mockingly says, Nice move there, Mom. Takes talent to fall out of a chair for no reason what. so. ever. (How did I raise such a smart ass. Me? Someone so not smart-ass-ish.)
There was SO a reason. Apparently, I leaned over to look out of the telescope that was BROKEN and fell right out of the chair. But he did have a point. Not my finest or most graceful moment.
So I laughed. What else is there? Then limped my graceful self downstairs for ice. After putting that in my margarita, I got some for my knee.
And that, my friends, is why they call me Grace.
And for reasons like that, Karen loves me. I have no grace, will laugh until I wet my pants and call things like I see them. Not always to my benefit but always for the right reasons.
Go ahead, laugh at me.
I know she is!
August 5th, 2007 at 2:57 pm
Whenever someone uses the phrase, “ass over tea kettle” I can’t stop laughing. It just cracks my ass up. Perhaps because I did a lot of falling “ass over tea kettle” in my drunken bartending days. Err, I mean, witnessed a lot of people do that, that is. Yeah, that’s it!
August 6th, 2007 at 12:06 pm
OMG! I am sooooo a klutz like that too!! I have a shelf in our entry way and it’s just about face height.
Lets just say…I know it’s at face height because they’ve met numerous times. While I was going to pick up a pair of shoes. I still can’t figure out how I managed that.