“Why aren’t you wearing underwear”, and other typical conversations
August 12, 2007
As I lay here in my bed this morning, waiting for the angels of inspiration to fill me with wit and verve and overall brilliance, my daughter walks in and says:
“Why aren’t you wearing underwear?”
to which I - instead of being embarassed - said:
“Why are you looking at my crotch?”
Yep. That sums up life in my house.
I am Dawn.? Some days when I can’t sleep, I am Dawn of the Dead…and the rather crabby Dead at that. Other days, when I am filled with motherly inspiration, I write at this place. Gimlet Eye.
And on other days, I am herding the masses at True Wife Confession,? Last, but CERTAINLY not least, I find nekkid men to mock at this place. Hey SueBob, we got some fine specimens for you to peruse, baby.
And now, for your reading plezzzzure, I present one of the finely aged specimens of my writing - Long before anyone read me at all.? And so began my battle with the school secretaries:
It is official. I am at war with the school secretaries. Here are my declarations of war:
1. They treat my husband like he is some god on earth. I saw them do make their genuflections to his maleness this morning as we showed for our meeting.
2. When I picked up my daughter for her physical today, they descended upon me like mythical harpies. I snuck by the office ( can we imagine why??) and went straight to the classroom. As I stood, silently in the door, the loud speaker came on “MRS X, DO YOU HAVE A PARENT IN YOUR ROOM?” I actually mouthed “I hate those women” to the teacher and she mouthed “I’m sorry” before saying, “Yes, I do.” “SHE NEEDS TO CHECK IN WITH THE OFFICE BEFORE SHE LEAVES”
I gathered my daughter and walked down the hall - with the Asst Prinicipal shadowing me like I was a freaking terrorist. I half expected him to tackle me and wrestle my shoes off to check for contraband. I actually thought of continuing to walk out -without checking into the office to see what they would do, but …No, I have my daughter with me and I have to present some sort of adult role model that doesn’t involve drinking too much sangria and chasing the ice cream truck down the street.
So I make the left and stand in front of the office. The berating starts. “CAW CAW CAW, stop and sign in , CAW CAW CAW, send in a note ( which as a matter of point - I did!) CAW CAW CAW , we’ll call her from her classroom and she will meet you at this door.”
This is when I cracked. This is also when the Asst Principal guy ran in to shield the harpies from my now Medusa like fury.
Excuse me? Did you just tell me that even IF I sign in and make my ceremonial bows to your fucking power hungry ancestors, that I can’t walk down the hall to my child’s classroom and pick her up? She will be sent down from said classroom? And why is this?
“We don’t want parents to disturb the other students or teachers”
“I didn’t disturb the students or the teacher”
“The teacher wasn’t expecting you - that was discourteous to her”
“The teacher absolutely expected me - I gave her a note this morning and she knew I was coming”
“Who made this rule?” Asst Principal sputters and looks around. “Was it the school Board?” I say. “Well, no” he says, getting fairly red in the face.
Well, guess what. I am her mother. I will walk into any building at any time and I will walk to see her. You will not keep me from my daughter and frankly, I’d like to see you try.
Hi - Dawn again. I wanted to edit this story to add that by the end of THAT week, I had a special letter, signed by the principal and superintendent, stating that I could visit the school and classroom any time I wanted. Provding I signed in, of course. Those secretaries HATED me.?
August 12th, 2007 at 11:38 am
I would love to see my sons school tell me that I couldn’t walk to his classroom to get him. Have they made a declaration of war in return?
August 12th, 2007 at 12:35 pm
I don’t like the ladies in my daughter’s old school, either. And the whole “you can’t walk to get them” rule is one all schools try to pull, it is just so they can assert what little power they have. I too told them what they could do with that little jewel.
I wonder how the new school will be?? (insert growl here)
August 12th, 2007 at 12:38 pm
I am so glad to hear that someone else doesn’t like the office women. I have yet to meet one that didn’t try to treat me like I was 2. Last year one lady grabbed my daughter by her arm and yanked her back, when I complained to the principal he said my daughter was probably lying. um yeah, it was not pretty.
August 12th, 2007 at 11:06 pm
Several times over the last few months of school, I would drop my son off, go get Starbucks for me, his teacher and another teacher friend and walk in the office 10 or 15 minutes before the bell rang. I would smile at everyone, sign in, get my name tag and proceed to the classroom.
On the LAST day of school…my son was finishing elementary school, so it was literally the last day of school…I walked in NOT bearing Starbucks…but carrying a very large gift basket which we were giving to the teacher that morning. Suddenly the principal’s bulldog, I mean secretary, descended insisting that parents are not allowed in the classroom before school starts. I proceeded to call his teacher on my cell phone and ask her to call down and tell them it was OK. As I was walking to the classroom, I passed the teacher going the other way and she said she would be right back.
When she got back, she said she was chastised by the PRINCIPAL’S SECRETARY!!!! This woman is loved by 20 years of children. She has a master’s degree. And she gets chastised by the PRINCIPAL’S SECRETARY!!!!
On the way out, I tried to kill her with kindness, apologizing and explaining that since I had visited the classroom before school before I had no idea there was a rule prohibiting it. When she responded with a pissy face and a snide comment, I simply said, “Well, this is my last day at this school, so I guess you don’t have to worry about me doing it again.”
August 13th, 2007 at 7:06 am
My daughter has just left the elementary school she attended from kindergarten. I’m a little sorry about that for many reasons but one of those reasons is Penny, the secratary. When I phoned, she always knew who I was right away. She almost always knew where my daughter was at any given time. If I sent a note that I was picking J up early for anything, Penny always made sure J was at the office waiting for me right on time so I didn’t have to go looking for her. I rather got the feeling that Penny knew everything that was going on in that school.
I guess I was really lucky. Now I’m starting to worry a little bit about the new middle school office staff. One more thing to worry about as my baby J enters the scary world of teenagers and junior high hell. *sigh*