Rock Out With Your Jock Out
October 10, 2007
Okay, that title is misleading but let’s not take it literally. Working out nearly every day is not as admirable as it might seem. I mean, really, I get Dylan off to school, pack a bag and my rewards lie ahead of me.
I’ve loaded the iPod shuffle with some ass-jiggling shaking tunes - stuff that I like, that makes me feel strong, muscle-bound, badass even; more importantly, stuff that makes me move. The drive with 3 year old chatter from the backseat is heartwarming, really, but who needs constant Hallmark moments with your 3 year old when his other 14 personalities can rear their ugly heads at any given moment? It’s more like Sybilmark, trust me.
Once His Royal Pain In The Ass Majesty is settled in the daycare, I empty my bag into my locker so the bag is ready to receive sweaty duds, my shower stuff on top of a pile of clean clothes, and my tanning accelerator and goggles in the side pocket for the post-workout-sunshine-up-the-butt-application. Call it gym-dessert.
I will be the first to admit that the gym and it’s members intimidate the crap out of me if I’m having a LSED (Low Self Esteem Day). You know what I mean, those days where you stupidly turn sideways in a full length mirror and crush your thoughts that you looked good because NOW THAT YOU’VE SEEN THE SIDE VIEW LIFE IS OVER. Or you catch your shadow somewhere along the way and the frizzies have taken over your entire head and your silhouette resembles Don King. Those days where you feel like people are looking at you and it makes you feel awkward and conscious of every move.
Enter the mental jock. I try hard to bring my A-game to the gym and not worry too much about what other people are thinking. Wow I sound like a post-game hockey player interview. My A-game? Uh, okay. So uhhh, the team is looking to uhhhh, bring it together for the next game and uhhhh, we’re all going to have to gel and uhhh, we just have to work together and uhhh….okay okay, you get the point.
The funny thing is, I look at the other people and I’m really not at all scrutinizing, “Maybe that girl who looks like me has already lost 20 pounds, or 100,” or “Maybe that woman is recovering from a car accident.” The truth is, we’re all there for our own reasons. The women I glance at while squatting with a medicine ball or rocking out on the elliptical are likely not scrutinizing as I first thought when I chose this all-ladies gym. Even the adorable university students are friendly and all encouraging smiles. That or their thinking, may I never become that fat when I’m a Mom. Oops…negative self talk.
Daren and I have booked a trip to Mexico and because I’m so white I give off light not normally a sun-dweller, I thought I should get a base tan, so my reward at the end of working out is the tanning booth. I prefer the stand up version just because of the time being half of that of the lie-down, but the lie down is nice too because you can close your eyes and pretend you’re already in Mexico.
I just thought I should spare everyone at the resort of the blinding light that would illuminate the entire beach at the drop of a wrap: “OH MY GOD! WHAT IS THAT????”
“Oh shit, honey, it’s just a Canadian.”
October 10th, 2007 at 10:27 pm
Ooo, all-ladies gym? That sounds maybe half as intimidating as a normal gym. I’m fortunate to have a mother who is an exercise freak, so we have pretty much a home gym in the basement. Your post has actually inspired me to get my booty down there after I finish with this here comment.
Also, I totally hear you on the blindingly white thing. I actually have albino cousins, so I was able to prove at the family reunion this summer that I really am as pale as is humanly possible. Some day, I’ll be a superhero who blinds villains by rolling up my pants legs.
Anywho, hilarious entry, as usual. I’m loving your blog more and more every day.
October 11th, 2007 at 3:49 am
I give up on ever being slim… So in order to survive life, I don’t look in the mirror once I put my makeup on and….when I put my makeup on I use a small mirror so I can only see my face from the neck up…
This way what you don’t know won’t hurt..my experience in the gym..those ladies, smile though they may..I know they’ve focused right on my fat hips and wonder…how’d she do that..?
Have fun, and just enjoy life..
Dorothy from grammology
call your grandma
October 11th, 2007 at 9:25 am
On the subject of blindingly-white…
I have two brothers who live in Anchorage.
One of my brothers worked in Palm Springs one summer, and made the comment that when he put shorts on for the first time, people were blinded by his perpetually white legs. I thought that was pretty darn funny.
Lying on a beach in Mexico sounds like a wonderful thing to do, and not only does a base tan make you less blind-making, I think it’s also a good idea because your skin will be a little less likely to fry on first contact with the hot sun!
Have a good day!
October 11th, 2007 at 10:38 am
Be proud to be pale!!
I am pale, and I don’t tan. Should I be worried when we go to Mexico? Oh ya, I forgot to tell you; I’m totally sneaking in your bag. So bring like a hockey bag or something. LOL
An all-women gym sounds like a great idea! I think I’ll make plans to take advantage of my free gym membership. Maybe I’ll feel better about myself.
October 11th, 2007 at 12:23 pm
Good on you for sticking at it, even when you might not want to, but please be careful about sun beds. While tans are great for making you feel good, you need to be careful about skin cancer. My Mum used sun beds loads when she’s younger. She recently had to have a benign skin cancer removed, the wait for the tests was horrible.
October 11th, 2007 at 6:29 pm
Never. Do. The. Side. View.
It doesn’t matter how skinny one feels, the side view is a complete let down…unless your Mary Kate. In that case, you’re invisible.
You’re beautiful, Karen. I’m proud of you for trying to stay positive and stick to your schedule. We all have fat days - even Mary Kate.
October 11th, 2007 at 7:42 pm
Oh shit, honey, it s just a Canadian.
okay, that is some seriously funny stuff. i just snorted my coffee up my nose.
October 12th, 2007 at 3:43 pm
I don’t particularly care for the full on frontal view either. Or the back view. Or the other side view. Yea, right now I’m just, y’know, NOT VIEWING.
I’m rated NaV - Not AVAILABLE for VIEWING.
I mutter curses when they do.
And laugh like Medusah.
Or Methusalah
Or Metamucil
or - you know WHATEVER.
October 13th, 2007 at 12:14 pm
I hate working out at the gym, but with all the baking I do and my slow metabolism, it’s necessary. Our gym recently installed “cardio theatre” — a fancy name for TV screens attached to the cross-ramps and treadmills. You plug in your headphones and watch TV in surround sound while you work out. I didn’t think cardiotheatre would help much, but it does.