President’s Choice
December 12, 2007
Up here in Canada, at the Loblaws stores, we have a line of products that are store brand called President’s Choice. The PC Products are usually damn good, especially the appetizer-type stuff from a box that gets thrown in the oven, like mini-quiches and some other stuff wrapped in filo pastry that tastes like heaven just because it’s wrapped in filo which is made by angels. Anyway, this line of foods extends through breakfast cereals, ice cream, anything.
You name it, President’s Choice makes it — and PC products are taking over. Ask any Canadian at their next Christmas party and they’ll be all:
“Yeah, meatballs, BBQ sauce and grape jelly, in the crock pot, on low all day? All President’s Choice eh? Yeah eh, they have the best products eh? And you can’t beat the price eh? Oh yeah man, I picked up that table and recliner over there at the Loblaws too. Yup, that snowman as well. He was on sale eh? Can’t beat that President’s Choice!“
Seriously, we talk like that eh?
Part of the President’s Choice line up is a series of sauces and marinades called “Memories Of…(insert someplace here). Like there’s the Memories of Singapore Marinade that is a fruity passion fruit chicken marinade that I personally will never buy again because it was too strong but definitely has it’s place in the line up if they ever start target marketing bees. I’m pretty sure that sauce could fill a greenhouse of honeycombs or whatever bees do with pollen besides make people bitch about spring and their noses and complain complain COMPLAIN — why don’t you just go be on Grey’s Anatomy? God I hate that whiny show.
So the sauces - there’s Memories of Mom’s Kitchen and my favorite: Memories of Szechwan Spicy Peanut Satay Sauce. YUM. Tons more too eh? You ought to come up here and buy some since your dollar isn’t worth much anymore. The sauces sell 2 for $5 a lot of the time and that’s when everyone tries new ones. The funny thing is, every time they go on sale like that, I think, “I swear those things are normally $2.49,” and then I chuck 4 in my cart — 3 of them being that peanut sauce.
On a whim, I thought that I should play a little in Corel Paint Shop Pro (yeah, the President’s Choice version of Photoshop, lemme tell ya) and give you President’s Choice Memories of Life sauces:
Memories of Infancy: nothing like the taste of breast milk and saliva covered fingers to bring back those memories. Fill your pants and you’ll be basking in the glory that was infancy. Course you’ll also be basking in a pant load of shit, but really? That’s your problem. President’s Choice also makes detergent but you’re own your own, shitpants.
Memories of Preschool: Ahhh the sweet smell of PlayDoh and finger paint. Remember the days before nut allergies and lead? Remember a time when you could hug your teacher without getting suspended? Remember lifting your jumper so little Billy and Steven could see your ‘kiki’ and then they showed you their weiners?
Never mind that last part — I blame my parents for all my problems. Hold me.
Memories of Grade Two: Billy and Steven got transferred and you’re all about girl jeans now anyway. Skirts are for babies, and this lovely aroma of library carpet and erasers is enough to set you back 22 32 42 years to Grade Two (not 2nd grade, Americanos!) where girls have cooties and boys are stupid.
Memories of College: Sure, high school was a pot-filled blur of skipping class to head to the mall and bum smokes, and getting drunk and high behind the church. That’s why we didn’t make a sauce for that: BORING!
In college, we felt ALIVE! We owned a bong or five! Binge drinking, random sex and toga parties made us feel spicy and wrong but oh. so. right. Enjoy this puke and beer sauce at your next kegger or on your microwaved Kraft Dinner in college residence after the bars close.
Memories of Parenting: More sophisticated and spicy than our College sauce, and again with the puke and beer — but the puke is straight from the mouths of babes you can’t afford and the beer is so you can sleep at night rather than lying awake, drowning in your sea of guilt for how much you are screwing up your kids. And you ARE screwing up your kids, trust me.
President’s Choice really is in every household.
What sauces would you add?
*If you are here from the lovely President’s Choice company, I love you and want to have saucy little babies with you. Don’t sue me, eh?
December 12th, 2007 at 2:34 am
I’ll take a couple of bottles of Grade Two. Put it on my tab. Thanks.;)
Sassy’s last blog post..I can?t help you.
December 12th, 2007 at 2:39 am
The internets. I hand the keys to you.
If they sold these sauces, I’d buy them in a heartbeat. Especially the puke and beer one. In fact, I’ll take two.
Thursday’s Child’s last blog post..The Wrong Trousers
December 12th, 2007 at 9:46 am
The memories of random sex alone make me want to run out and by the college one. Oh wait, did I just type that? Oops.
Jennifer’s last blog post..Daphne, She’s the Hot One, Right? Then I Want to Be Daphne
December 12th, 2007 at 10:31 am
So…it “ShitPants” like the total opposite of “SugarPants?”
Christy’s last blog post..WFMW: Chopsitcks
December 12th, 2007 at 11:10 am
K. That video is hilarious!
I think I’ll take a bottle of college. Just because I never got to go.
Or maybe that should be a whole new flavor! Memories of what should have been: Sweet longing with a dash of Salty tears and a hint of bitter regrets.
PC is considered the ‘Wal-mart store brand’ around me. Although I have seen it in Jewel. Just another way Wal-mart is continuing it’s plans for world domination
Chris’s last blog post..The Silly Little Girl and her Magic Closet
December 12th, 2007 at 11:15 am
I love PC stuff. We buy just about anything in their brand and they taste great 99% of the time. In fact, I’m making the PC Butter Chicken tonight.
sherry’s last blog post..Catch up
December 12th, 2007 at 11:44 am
Over here in teh Western World/Wet Coast, Loblaws is called “Superstore”, eh? And I usually shop there anytime after 9pm when I need to stock up on cheap marmalade and Kraft Dinner. CANNOT TAKE THE CROWDS!
I would buy the College sauce just for the experience, as I was a parent by the time I went and so I owned more diapers than bongs. Sigh.
Procrastamom’s last blog post..You can call me Carrie-Anne for short
December 12th, 2007 at 12:27 pm
I LOVE this! You are very clever.
tori’s last blog post..Kids Are Awesome People
December 12th, 2007 at 12:46 pm
ROFL!
Oh Karen how I missed you! Way to bottle up my entire lifetime eh, especially that college random sex one..hmm. I already have a batch at home though..hiding in my closet.
Opps.
Sarcastica’s last blog post..Protected: Shutting Down
December 12th, 2007 at 1:45 pm
oh, i’m so glad to have you back…
i need three memories of parentings please…it’s all about the puke and beer!!
ali’s last blog post..let down by a pie
December 12th, 2007 at 3:14 pm
You couldn’t pay me enough to use the college one.
Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah’s last blog post..7 Conversations About One Thing
December 12th, 2007 at 4:43 pm
These? Are awesome.
We don’t have Loblaws in BC, just Stupidstore. I mean, Superstore.
Which has all of the PC a girl could ever hope for
Angella’s last blog post..My Bags Are Packed
December 12th, 2007 at 5:45 pm
Memories of Junior High…Body Odor & Bologna
Memories of High School…New Spiral Notebooks & Hair Products
Memories of Grad School…Sex & Coffee
Christine’s last blog post..Just added a paypal widget to my sidebar…
December 12th, 2007 at 6:02 pm
I am going home right now and giving my kids their cooties shots - I don’t want them to become a statistic.
Crazy Lady in Vegas’s last blog post..Happy Holidays
December 12th, 2007 at 6:11 pm
My college one should actually be “Bad Local Beer and Olive Juice” because that’s what we lived on between ramen raids.
Pand0raWilde’s last blog post..Final Inventory–Last orders are due Friday!
December 12th, 2007 at 9:58 pm
They sell PC in the US. Not that it has anything to do with the actual subject, I know, but it’s too cold for my brain to function properly!
Mel
December 13th, 2007 at 2:42 am
oh yeah, i have missed you!
janet’s last blog post..No lies were told in the writing of this post
December 13th, 2007 at 11:11 pm
I had no idea President’s Choice made sauces! In fact, the only PC item I’ve ever purchased or eaten is no longer in existence (much to my dismay). They were these fantastic Triple Chocolate Fudge Cookies, which were pretty much two of these cookies (as far as I can tell) back-to-back with chocolate fudge stuff in the middle. I blame much of my extra fluff on those things. Mmm.
On a more related note, those sauces you created sound impressively awful. My “memories of college” sauce, however, would include Pop-Tarts and Pop-Tarts. With maybe a hint of cafeteria food. And a healthy dose of chocolate milk.
Rachelskirts’s last blog post..The Skirts, Unraveled
December 15th, 2007 at 1:22 am
Not long ago, I worked for PC. I was licensed in every single province of Canada to sell travel insurance. The funniest thing is I still have a lunch bag and a windbreaker with the PC logos on them. I used my lunch bag today! Heh.
Small world. And I’m not even from Canada, nor have I ever been there. But I distinctly remember the PC brand cookies. There was a lemon flavored one, and another with a raspberry filling. Oh, how I miss those. I’d pay to have those shipped to me.
Lovin’ your photo shop sauces!!
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