Jamie-Lynn Spears Came Over & We Drank Beer on My Deck, Cuz We’re Country, Y’all!
December 19, 2007
Where the hell has Sugarpants been? Well, I’ll tell ya but it’s going to be brief because it’s agony talking about stupid things which really, are all that have been happening to me lately.
First, living in Canada in the winter can suck sometimes. It’s downright dangerous. Pair massive snowfall with Momvans chock full of stressed-out Moms that are looking to fulfill all their spawn’s holiday wishes and not get shit for spending too much. Hello hubby? 1950 called, it wants you back in the year of the obedient wife.
My kids?
ONE. GIFT.
ONE.
I am better at this than Madonna, who allows three gifts.
I shopped non-stop for said gift that rhymes with Pee and is unavailable everywhere. I hired a sitter on a Friday morning so I could stand in line for 90 minutes only to be sent away because the courier hadn’t delivered them. I hired the same sitter Monday morning to repeat the stupidity. That is when I was 9th in line and got one of 63 units at a normal price. Kijiji.ca and Ebay.ca are a flurry with people charging more than twice as much as retail for their Pee. Redonkulous.
Quite frankly, I’m afraid to buy toys due to lead, recalls and you know, the old date-rape drug when you get your toys wet. Who the hell makes this absolute crap and HOW does it get past our government who is supposed to protect us?
I’ll be buying books, and I need ideas for stocking stuffers for 9 and 3 year old boys that isn’t glucose-fructose or the like.
So where have I been, besides on Twitter?
Well, the furnace died.
Then the fridge died.
Then our phones died.
I’d love to say we had three funerals behind The House That Will Never Sell, but no.
Daren gave the furnace mouth-to-mouth and revived it. He swore a lot so I don’t know how much oxygen the poor thing actually got. But hey! Thomas learned a new word! (grumble grumble)
Yesterday, I arrived home from a meal-planned shop to find the fridge dead, splayed across the kitchen, too much makeup on and giant cougar-fridge tongue hanging loosely out of it’s mouth. After hauling 3 coolers and a laundry basket of condiments and beer to the back deck (this is where snow is GOOD), my back decided to give me the finger and quit also.
Daren gave the fridge mouth-to-mouth but the fridge being 30, which in fridge years is 4,513, it decided it was just too tired to go on. This morning I bought a refurb and had them deliver it immediately so I could put all the condiments and beer back in their heavenly place. (cue angels singing)
Which brings me to the stupidest of all stupidity. These phones. We have had these phones for maybe 2 years. Being nickel-cadmium, the batteries don’t hold a charge for as long as I need them anymore and so I went to buy new batteries and alas! They are $27 EACH. So for $52 bucks I can get my phones working? Might as well buy new phones! So I did. The fun part is, they have to charge for 16 hours. I can’t talk on the phone until 10 a.m. tomorrow.
The stupidity of all of this is that in 48 hours I’ve managed to fill landfills that much more. It bothers me a lot. Our world of stuff needs to change. If you watch the video as a Canadian, it’s so obvious that eventually the United States will invade Canada to get at our natural resources. Hopefully not in our lifetime, and hopefully not while our defense system consists of 3 canoes and a killer beaver or two.
Speaking of beaver, I need ideas for stocking stuffers don’t forget. Huh? Please help me, I can’t remember my name at this point. I was thinking a trip to the massive drug store would cover anything you throw at me because I am NOT going within 5 miles of a Wal-Mart. I would rather teach birth control to the Spears’ family than set foot in that chaos, y’all.
December 19th, 2007 at 3:51 am
My mom always got us simple, silly things for our stockings. A tape (haha) of he Chipmunks singing Christmas carols, funny socks, card games that we could play with the whole family and typically something art/discovery-based, like finger paints or a sea monkey container. Plus, we always got a yearly ornament from hallmark in our stockings.
You could always go the easy route. $10 movie card, $10 to their fav restaurant and maybe a small toy or book.
December 19th, 2007 at 3:57 am
OK, the grumbling furnace thing TOTALLY made me think of that scene in “A Christmas Story” (you know the one - the kid wants a Red Ryder BB gun for Christmas and everyone tells him he’ll shoot his eye out?). Dad downstairs swearing a blue streak, gawd-awful metal clanking sounds, and black smoke billowing up through the grate?
Best of luck with the furnace! (and the stockings!)
Hillary’s last blog post..Smells like burning
December 19th, 2007 at 5:25 am
Okay, here are my stocking stuffers either that I’ve gotten or given…
Silly Putty–always fun and not really that messy.
Socks–suck but they’re a tradition in our family like socks in our Easter basket. LOL
Crayons and paper–cheap, not good for freshly painted (or oldly painted for that matter) walls.
A $5 gift certificate to a (horrid) Fast Food restaurant. My mom would never let us go but she’d allow us to have one a year with our gift card. heh
One of those character toothbrushes. My nephews love these still and they’re 7 and 8.
A book…a chapter book for the older one and an easier one for the little’un.
A gift certificate for 1 hour uninterrupted time with mom and dad separately as a one on one (to be arrange by both parties.)
Batteries–if anything you bought uses them. Don’t put these as a separate gift because that sucks to open BATTERIES. Just sayin’.
A deck of whatever character they like…playing cards or UNO cards. Even if they don’t know how to play any games, you can teach them an easy one at their level like Go-Fish or Uno or something.
Those little boxes of Legos.
A flashlight or one of those headlamps. My nephews think these are COOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLL! (Mainly because they can read their books after bedtime when they aren’t supposed to.)
A DVD for each one…there are lots of inexpensive kiddy ones on Amazon.
My nephews also like “credit cards” for their favorite toy store.
A special new Christmas ornament…like those Hallmark ones.
I could go on and on…heh
December 19th, 2007 at 8:01 am
Cordy got Backyardigans bandaids from her grandparents. Seriously. I guess they expect her to get hurt a lot in the next year? Maybe it wasn’t such a bad idea.
I second silly putty - it’s been on the market for decades. It looks like it has to be toxic waste, but you’d think it would have been recalled by now if it was, right?
I love the Story of Stuff video. I’ve forwarded it on to so many people I know. LOL about invading Canada - it will only happen if Dumbass Bush declares himself emperor and bypasses elections. Could happen.
Christina’s last blog post..Motivation
December 19th, 2007 at 8:12 am
Karen’s last blog post..Jamie-Lynn Spears Came Over & We Drank Beer on My Deck, Cuz We?re Country, Y?all!
December 19th, 2007 at 8:43 am
I was waiting until I was absolutely positive that you got one to tell you I scored one too!
Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah’s last blog post..Hey Oprah, Get Up Off ?Em
December 19th, 2007 at 9:49 am
Mom always puts really little things in our stockings; like socks, makeup (which I’m sure you won’t put in YOUR kids stockings - I’d hope), CDs, DVDs, video games, LINDOR CHOCOLATES (Heavenly goodness - better then beer!), accessories etc.
Now since I don’t want to see Dylan or Thomas for that matter wearing makeup and showing off the latest winter accessory must haves, I suggest taking those options out. And I know you won’t buy them chocolate and they barely like it but buy it for them anyway and I will gladly eat them.
You could totally get them some DVDs, video games, CDs, and random fun little toys from the dollarstore. Hey, dollarstore toys are TOTALLY AWESOME.
Stay away from Wal-Mart. Support Zellers, betch!
P.S Call me when your phones are charged so we can have a chat about such and such this and that and all the jazz in the world. This sentence really didn’t make sense, but I’ll leave it because it will make you laugh and say “OMG she’s crazy”
Whatever. It runs in the family
*ignore the not so funny attempt at making light of current situations*
Ok I’m peacing now. So peace gangsta.
Sarcastica’s last blog post..Don?t Sniff Markers?it?s a bad habit.
December 19th, 2007 at 10:44 am
Wait, wait.
You somehow managed to make it OK to only get your kids ONE gift?
ONE!?!?
How the hell did you do that?!? And why did you not post about this like THREE WEEKS AGO!!!!
Miss Britt’s last blog post..A Blogger Christmas: A Photo Essay
December 19th, 2007 at 12:44 pm
Yeah…I too have a House That Will Never Sell. Grr. Don’t ya just love it?
Good luck with Stocking Stuffers. I’m dealing with that too.
Christy’s last blog post..WFMW: The Holiday Edition
December 19th, 2007 at 1:42 pm
Criminy, Karen, that’s a lotta stuff breaking down all at once. Sucks! My cell phone is doing the same thing-the battery thing will look full, so I’ll put it in my purse, pull the phone out two hours later to call home, and the damn thing is dead. Grrrr!
Stocking stuffers-well, um, I buy all of ours at Target
I always give the boys those Lifesavers Storybooks, but you said no sugar. Hmmm…Silly putty, yo-yos, Hot Wheels, small action figures taken out of the packaging? Hope that helps!
And good gods almighty, Jamie Spears is 16! I know she won’t be the first 16 year old to give birth, but still. And the Disney Channel is all “we support Jamie and her decision” blah blah blah family values, but there is no way they are going to let Zoey 101 be pregnant!
Elizabeth’s last blog post..Catchy song, cute video, talented singer!
December 19th, 2007 at 4:45 pm
It’s amazing how when major household necessities like refrigerators and furnaces decide to go out they team up and go together. It’s as if they make a household appliance suicide pact. Mine have went out at the same time too. But I had no snow.
As far as stocking stuffers go, I’m at a loss. In fact, I’m waiting for more people to reply to this post so that I, myself, can get some ideas! 
manda’s last blog post..Backseat Parenting
December 19th, 2007 at 5:17 pm
I don’t know about a 9-year-old, but stocking stuffer ideas for a 3-year-old:
stickers
hot wheels
sunglasses
goldfish crackers (1/2 pint container that looks like a milk carton)
animal crackers (little rectangular box)
bottle of bubbles
crayons (even if he already has a ton - i got a $1 pack from the dollar section in front of Target, and they’re CARS themed!)
toothbrush (glows in the dark in one-minute increments, so he knows how long to brush)
toothpaste (Little Bear. Enough said.)
chirky’s last blog post..When Harry Met Chirky
December 19th, 2007 at 5:17 pm
Hmm. Stockings are always the hardest. Exotic fruits? Small wooden toys? Crayons and glue sticks?
Totally not helpful, I know. Sorry.
December 19th, 2007 at 5:58 pm
Stocking stuffers…. Here is what usually ends up in our stockings
an orange (tradition) crayons or markers, small note pads, pencils, small flashlights, this year - bike chains to lock up bikes at school, stickers, stamps, chapstick, bubbles, glow sticks - all things I can usually get at a store other than wal-mart!
Crazy Lady in Vegas’s last blog post..Happy Holidays
December 19th, 2007 at 6:26 pm
Every year the toe of the stocking is 3 new pairs of socks and the heel is two to three new pair of panties/underwear/boxers.
Then we move into the gum and candy (although I know you weren’t going there).
Then stickers, a funny pen or colorful pencils, a burt’s bees chapstick, a new package of Crayola markers (art supplies are a constant favorite), and one small, wrapped “special” gift like a charm, ring, chain, anklet.
OMSH’s last blog post..Translate your 12 Year Old’s e-talk
December 19th, 2007 at 7:39 pm
Heck, Sugarpants, if I’d known sooner I have excellent shit for stocking stuffers, but I can’t get it made and to you now. Sorry I’m no real help.
Pand0raWilde’s last blog post..Lola’s Sellin’ It
December 19th, 2007 at 11:40 pm
Karen, thank you so much for posting the link that video. I am…I don’t know what I am. I guess “changed” is a good word, as corny as that sounds. Seriously. I mean, I knew a lot of this stuff, but that video just really drove it home. I am now feeling horribly bad about the tons of xmas gifts I got my kids.
Karly’s last blog post..Nothing Good Ever Comes From Going To The Library
December 20th, 2007 at 2:21 am
My daughter called crying tonight..she’s 41 seven children, and is in the same predicament….Christmas has become too crazy..however, until we figure something else out..McDonald’s, gift cards.. packets of hot chocolate and mash mellows.. candy canes, crayons, or writing pencils, pens, etc..go to the dollar store, and see the variety of stuffers they have. If you have a nearby museum gift or a hobby store, they will have great ideas for large and small gifts..I purchased a tiny butterfly kaleidescope for my four year old grandson.. and a rubber toy you threw and it will stick to the wall, and not leave a mark….it’s fun..
Hope this helps..
Dorothy from grammology
remember to call gram
Dorothy Stahlnecker’s last blog post..Divorce Through the Eyes of a Child, Guest Post from a dear friend Amy.
December 20th, 2007 at 11:46 am
How about as a stocking stuffer, those little books you see at all the bookstores? Or maybe cool key chains!
mrsmogul’s last blog post..Do you think Jamie Spears should have had an abortion? [Digg]
December 20th, 2007 at 12:07 pm
Stocking stuffers are so hard. I usually gave my kids a new toothbrush, crayons, notepads, pen/pencils, markers, gum, some sort of candy (chocolate santas usually win), chapstick and socks. Now that they’re older though and want the more expensive main gifts, we’ve done away with stocking stuffers altogether.
Lisa’s last blog post..Sarcasm should have never been invented
December 20th, 2007 at 4:36 pm
I’m so jealous of the peeeeee man. I really want one now
QofS’s last blog post..I Feel Bad For Lynne Spears
January 6th, 2008 at 9:34 am
I know it’s much too late, but I’m a little behind in my blog-reading, so I’m doing a Sunday morning blog-a-thon. My friends who got Wii’s got them on craigslist. Don’t know if you have that in Canada. They had a neighbor teenage boy try them before wrapping them and having kids open a Wii that doesn’t Work.
Last report is that the adults are having more fun with the Wii than the kids. And the kids have resorted to reading books and doing homemade arts and crafts because they can’t get a game in edgewise because their parents and their intoxicated friends are hogging it!
Di’s last blog post..The Colors of Depression