It’s Time, SugarHubs. It’s TIME.
January 2, 2008
It’s back to work for most people today, myself included. I worked through the holidays at Famecrawler, but Swank clients need my mad design skillz too!
It’s not, however, even remotely close to the day Daren goes back to work. Nope. My Union-Boy is home until JANUARY SEVENTH.
You would think this would be a great opportunity for me to get more work done here, you know with the extra pair of hands around the house and all.
You would think we could knock a few things off the Honey-do List.
You would think he might want to take the kids somewhere and have some father-sons time.
Yesterday I had big! exciting! plans! to put the house back together, take the tree down, put away toys & gifts, re-organize the kitchen a little and tackle the mountain of laundry that is threatening to bury us alive.
You would think that a grown man, sitting on my couch, would clue in to me running up and down the stairs, hauling ass and doing chores, and maybe, just maybe, offer to pitch in.
Um, no.
Every time I glanced at him, my loving husband would grin at me, and lift his robe to flash me. Occasionally I would get the added sound effects of ogre-like farts or open mouth wet belches. If that wasn’t enough, when I did sit down to tackle a bit of coding for a couple of friends, I was treated to the seepage of toxic waste that had fermented all morning in his colon, the smell creeping through the house in a green fog.
Dear Husband,
The Febreze is under the bathroom sink. IN THE EVENT OF A CONTAINMENT BREACH, PLEASE SPRAY IT.
Love,
The Woman Who May Never Sleep With You Again If You Don’t Stop Acting Like a Primate.
So yesterday I got Thomas back into his own room (Sarcastica is not coming to live with us after all), most of the laundry done, all my new dishes washed and put away (Thanks Granny!), and some of the gifts under the tree put away. I also looked after these rugrats, cleaned the house and worked.
SugarHubs accomplishments for New Years Day?
Nuts? Scratched.
Poop? Flushed.
Wife? Flashed.
Butt? Showered.
Movies Watched? Two.
Sport Highlights Watched? Sixty-Seven.
I have FIVE more days of this to look forward to. It’s 10:53 a.m. and where is my gorgeous, hard-working man?
In BED. But at least it smells nice in here, for now.
January 2nd, 2008 at 12:27 pm
My husband spent the day on the couch playing computer games, as usual. I forced him to do a few things for me (you know, change a diaper, get the older one some juice), but then he always complains that he doesn’t get to enjoy his days off.
Fine, then. When do I get MY days off?
Christina’s last blog post..2008 Un-resolutions
January 2nd, 2008 at 12:38 pm
January 2nd, 2008 at 12:59 pm
Having Spouse at home means huge chunks of my day spent entertaining him and shooing him out from underfoot. I now know better than to plan on getting anything done on his day off.
TX Poppet’s last blog post..Further Evidence I Married The Right Man
January 2nd, 2008 at 1:03 pm
Consider yourself fortunate. At least he’s eventually going to go back to work. Sweet Cheeks on the other hand is retired. And in my face and rubbing my last nerve raw on a daily basis, 365 days a year!
I have to get into my car and drive to a park just to have some “me” time.
And when I’m doing chores that he’s totally capable of helping me with? He has blinders on and doesn’t see me multitasking just so I can find time to pee.
January 2nd, 2008 at 1:12 pm
My husband went back to work today and it’s the first time I’ve had any energy or drive to accomplish anything in the house since we both went off for holidays. Coincidence? Um, no. He’s distracting.
Assertagirl’s last blog post..Back to life.
January 2nd, 2008 at 2:11 pm
Hey…Are we married to the same man?
Christy’s last blog post..WFMW: Target’s After Christmas Sale!!!!!
January 2nd, 2008 at 2:29 pm
Ack - it’s in their Manual.
January 2nd, 2008 at 4:51 pm
i’m very lucky. my husband is adhd…. cant sit still. has to be doing something. accomplishing something. going somewhere.
i, however, would prefer to sit on my increasingly large butt, playing online scrabble and blogging.
i suck.
janet’s last blog post..It’s great to be in 2008
January 2nd, 2008 at 7:39 pm
thank jesus he got those nuts scratched…hahahah.
ali’s last blog post..a laptop, some gingerbread mitts and some keepable resolutions?at least i think
January 2nd, 2008 at 9:12 pm
And yet he lives. Good woman you are.
Miss Britt’s last blog post..What’s the weather like in Jamaica?
January 2nd, 2008 at 9:58 pm
You might want to throw your kitchen knives away, far, far away. I fear that a few more days of this might drive you to want to use them on him.
Tense Teacher’s last blog post..I Am NOT A Penguin
January 2nd, 2008 at 10:48 pm
I think all men are related
Lisa’s last blog post..2007 needs to end already!
January 3rd, 2008 at 1:28 pm
And people wonder why I am still negotiating with my boyfriend about living together….
Josie’s last blog post..Pics of WB?s Christmas with the future in laws (cough)
January 3rd, 2008 at 5:45 pm
Umm yeah. Have fun.
Natalie’s last blog post..I Hate to Toot my Own Horn, but?
January 3rd, 2008 at 5:49 pm
I am looking forward to mine going back. He played with his eye-pod, farted and asked me to feed the dogs while I cleaned the house and took the tree down this morning. God, I love that man of mine!
Asthmagirl’s last blog post..Home at last!
January 4th, 2008 at 12:50 am
This was a riot..thanks for reminding me what men are really like.
Dorothy from grammology
remember to call gram
Dorothy Stahlnecker’s last blog post..My New Years Resolution
January 4th, 2008 at 1:16 am
I have the same problems with my husband.
Sarcastica’s last blog post..Orange Juice
January 4th, 2008 at 2:44 pm
I couldn’t wait for my husband to go back to work. Having him here during the day messes everything up.
Izzy’s last blog post..A Disturbing Trend
January 5th, 2008 at 4:08 pm
Found your site from dooce’s - just stopped by to say hi!
I had to beg for help taking the Christmas decorations down. And even then, it was done with great hesitation and much reluctance.
ALF’s last blog post..My New Year’s Resolution Is To Take More Pictures Of All Of Us
January 6th, 2008 at 1:02 am
OMIGOD why haven’t I been over here reading every day for the past two years? You are HILARIOUS and I’ve seen your name countless times on the blogs I do try to read on a regular basis. I can SOOOOOOOO relate to the hubby-parked-on-couch-for-two-weeks scenario, only in our case add in depression due to mysteriously numb feet (his). A doctor has been consulted; results on Monday, hopefully. However, today, he suddenly took on the mountain of mail & other paper we’ve been avoiding for, um, two years? Three? My hero!
Violet the Verbose’s last blog post..Post-Dentist Update
January 6th, 2008 at 9:29 am
Poop? Flushed.
I would consider this a major accomplishment…don’t you love when they leave it there so you can admire it? Ugh!
Di’s last blog post..The Colors of Depression
January 8th, 2008 at 1:02 am
The other night my husband walked by, pulled my toe on the foot that was propped on the coffee table, and HE farted. Then we looked at each other and laughed and wondered how the hell that happened!
InterstellarLass’s last blog post..Bittersweet Surprises
January 12th, 2008 at 10:18 pm
This is exactly the kind of thing my hubs does. the flashing. it must stop. It’s not so funny when I’m cleaning Dawson’s room for the 80th time that day, and each time I run down to the basement to throw toys into various hiding places, he flashes me from the bathroom, while in the shower. Yay me.
Dana’s last blog post..Liveblogging the Packer Playoff Game