I Wish I Had a Camera Right Now
February 13, 2008
Tonight has been a comedy of errors. SugarHubs is out of town tonight, and has come in 1st in a poker tournament where he won a $600 coin which is a ‘buy-in’ for a larger tournament at the end of March. This ‘buy in’ affords him the chance to play against 124 other guys for a quarter of a million dollars. Totally cool, I know.
But I’m here. With two kids and two dogs.
The SugarSpawn had been sprinting from one extreme (playing loudly and screaming) to the other (fighting loudly and whining) and back again since the after school hour. They barely sat still for the dinner I made, starting by gobbling so fast and exclaiming how good it was to 4 seconds later of “We’re full, can we play Wii?”
At least Dylan read to Thomas tonight. The peace lasted long enough for MiniDog Miley to inhale a furball and choke on it. And choke and choke and choke on it.
I kept scooping up the dry heaving pup and transferring her from carpet to tile in the rec room, hoping for a positive outcome and gagging the whole time. Nothing was coming up but the noise made me really queasy.
You wish you were me at this point, right?
While shuttling The Pukey Little Puppy across the room, I lost sight of my sanity and allowed the offspring to get a little rowdy. Next thing I know they’re wound like little freakshows for the 47th time and I’m wishing I could pick them up by their heads and let their bodies jiggle below them like our characters on the Wii.
I snap out of my parenting fantasy as the MiniDog heaves up the most disgusting mound of GOD-KNOWS-WHAT on the carpet. Ugh.
Out of the corner of my eye, I spot Thomas smack Dylan and just as quickly, Dylan smacks Thomas’ backside.
I glared at them both. “BED.”
“But he…”
“WE. DON’T HIT. IN. THIS. HOUSE. BED. NOW.”
Thomas was already up the stairs and gone and Dylan started to protest more only to be met with, “BED. DYLAN. NOW.”
He pounded up the stairs like a 15 year old girl. Sigh.
Yes I speak in staccato when I’m frustrated. If I don’t, I turn into the unlikable Yelly Mom. You might have heard of her.
Alone in the rec room, with puppy under my arm and a curious horse (Ruffy) sniffing the air, I crate the dogs so I can clean up.
*gag* *gag* *gag* *I wish I had a HAZMAT suit. *gag* *gag* *gag*
Feeling like I (desperately) need cool air on my face, I take the dogs out front for some fresh air. There’s more snow in the sky than oxygen, but the kids are in bed and it’s only 7:50. That’s kinda good. It’s peaceful outside as the snow falls in big fat flakes on my jacket and mitts.
I love the quiet of a new snowfall and tonight is no exception. It’s lovely.
Inside, back to Calm Mama, I kiss the kids goodnight and head downstairs.
I curl up in the recliner with my laptop and MiniDog jumps on to the footrest. She gently paws at my legs so I’ll open them, crawls between my knees and sticks her head under the laptop.
Yes, right into my crotch. She’s been sleeping there for 3 hours.
That’s why I wish I had a camera. Nothing would top this evening better if I could take a picture of my warm crotch for you.
February 13th, 2008 at 1:56 am
Ha ha ha - pets just have zero sense of personal space, don’t they? Sometimes it can be endearing, but most of the time not. Our cats are always walking on my boobs with their pointy little feet, bearing ALL their weight in each step.
Congrats on the buy-in Sugarhubs won!
And sorry about the fighting kids and puking puppy. Life, eh?
Violet the Verbose’s last blog post..I Lied
February 13th, 2008 at 1:59 am
Quite the interesting post and night for you eh? Grats on the buy-in-win and g’luck in the future tourney! Keep they great posts coming.
Jeff’s last blog post..Go with the gut
February 13th, 2008 at 4:36 am
that’s hilarious. oh, i mean, i’m sorry you had to clean up dog barf.
bwahahahahahahaha
janet’s last blog post..I know you can’t get enough … don’t deny it!
February 13th, 2008 at 8:28 am
Hey wait! That’s the “crotch post”? Talk about false advertising. Sheesh. Heh.
I commend you on keeping your cool enough to be Staccato-talking authoritarian as opposed to hellfire-spewing-toy-throwing mommy. They may stomp up the stairs, but just stand your ground. I’ve watched my friends do this and hope that, when the time comes, I can keep as cool too.
kapgar’s last blog post..Lovin’, touchin’, squeezin’…
February 13th, 2008 at 11:29 am
A picture of your warm crotch? I’d so favourite that on my flickr!!
Dog barf sucks, cat barf with hairballs is even worse though.
sam’s last blog post..bump in the road and I don’t think it’s my belly
February 13th, 2008 at 1:11 pm
Aren’t you supposed to go these tournament things as his Official Good Luck Charm. I think that’s the rule.
Miss Britt’s last blog post..Miss Britt Defined*
February 13th, 2008 at 3:19 pm
Mmm, a nice warm crotch. Makes me wish I was a dog.
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February 13th, 2008 at 10:17 pm
There’s just no way to make dog barf better, no matter how cute the dog is.
PandoraWilde’s last blog post..Chibi Update
February 14th, 2008 at 12:13 am
I wish I had a dog to keep my hoo-ha warm.
Karly’s last blog post..Er, Whoops?
February 14th, 2008 at 11:28 am
Yes Karen, the way to make my day would be to see a picture of you warm vageegee.
Miley sounds cute, I want to see her! When can I visit? Preferably on a day where your vageegee isn’t involved?
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