Definition
March 5, 2008
No that isn’t me in that picture. I have no idea what Keith Richards (wearing a bra) is doing in my gym.
In keeping with a promise I made to Jenn (and myself), I’m here once again to share the fun side of working out regularly, with a trainer. My trainer, “G” read the entry about her being The Punisher and we’ve been laughing about it ever since. Last night I had to write her review so she would get that all-important title of “Master Homie G In Da House.”
She told me to be nice, and I was. I know, shocker!
Thing is, she’s got something looming over my head, and I’m terrified as to what’s next with her. Tomorrow night is session 11 of our original 12 and Sunday is the weigh-in.
That, I’m excited about - it’s the first time I’ve been excited about getting weighed. It isn’t so much the poundage, it’s the inches I’m expecting to see a difference. I can feel it in my clothes and see some definition finally!
So what’s got me worrying? The end of the first 12 sessions meant I had to sign up for more training. Much negotiation and $1000 bucks later, I have 24 hour-long sessions where G gets to tell me what to do. That is 24 hours of terrifying unknown. 1440 minutes of possible unbearable pain and suffering.
She’s told me that she jumps on the back of one of her clients and the clients does squats. She’s already tortured me beyond what I thought my body was capable of. I’m waiting for harsh cold mornings, where I trudge through snow and ice, into the gym, only to be strung up upside down and stretched on machines - forced to do 5,342 crunches or DIE.
I fear leaving the gym in my own bag.
As I left the gym one morning last week, I shopped for dinner inside the Superstore (where the gym is) and spotted chicken on sale. $1.99/lb is good I think - I don’t pay much attention but there’s this one endcap as you exit produce and enter meat (heh) where they always put the meat that’s is on sale so of course I stopped.
My mind is so obviously warped, because here was my thought process:
Oooo! chicken on sale! Chicken is healthy! Maybe I should stock up. Hmmm, there’s skin on it. I hate handling raw chicken. Maybe I can get Daren to cook it. (Glanced at the boneless skinless - at least double the price)
Nah, I’ll get the cheap chicken. (Imagining chicken in a skimpy outfit, standing on a street corner. Heh. Cheap chicken.)
Wait.
Why does it say “Made for Barrie Poultry Company?” I’m 4 hours from Barrie. How did it get here? And why? Special buy? Oh my God, what if it’s no good?
What day is it? Thursday. Okay, I have to be at Best Friend’s House on Saturday night and Sister-In-Law’s on Monday night. I’ll buy the chicken, make it tonight and if it’s no good, I’ll be sick for 24 hours max and still be okay to travel. Hey! If I get samonella, I might even lose a few pounds by barfing! Sweet!
See? MESSED IN THE HEAD.
March 5th, 2008 at 12:33 pm
Keith Richards - bwahaha!
Buy organic chicken. Then you don’t have to worry. Unless you like barfing, which it seems like maybe you do.
Mom101’s last blog post..The Wai-ai-ting is the Hardest Part
March 5th, 2008 at 2:11 pm
I’m hoping there is no barfing in the future. But I think the same way you do….I don’t like skin on chicken. I worry about crap like that. I’m so nuts.
Dana’s last blog post..Untitled Rambling
March 5th, 2008 at 2:12 pm
If it makes you feel any better, I have similar thought processes. Oh, you are right - that probably didn’t help
motherbumper’s last blog post..a heck of a lot better than being pantzed
March 5th, 2008 at 3:10 pm
Who was it that said, “I’m one case of food poisoning away from my ideal body weight?”
PandoraWilde’s last blog post..Don’t forget them? Who listens to them?
March 5th, 2008 at 3:14 pm
My last comment was a joke, folks, and I remember where I heard it–Sex and the City.
PandoraWilde’s last blog post..Don’t forget them? Who listens to them?
March 5th, 2008 at 4:20 pm
What the hell is up with the spot lights in the gym? That is not cool.
Miss Britt’s last blog post..They’ll be lining up for my hospitality
March 5th, 2008 at 7:02 pm
As far why Keith Richards is in a bra, I think it’s not so much a bra as a pectoral support. You know, so he doesn’t pull something in his pecs while he’s running. It’s a danger few people are aware of, and only a handful of men are secure enough to wear one, lest it get mistaken as a “bra.”*
*It should be duly noted that I’m a sluggard who knows nothing about gyms or any related fields.
Thursday’s Child’s last blog post..Looking Backwards and Looking Forwards
March 5th, 2008 at 9:34 pm
I wish I had the guts to join a gym.
I won’t buy chicken unless it is boneless and skinless.
And I also think about crazy stuff while grocery shopping. Makes it more interesting.
LB’s last blog post..My babies are growing up.
March 5th, 2008 at 9:56 pm
LMAO.
See, I knew there was a reason I loved you. You have a thought process just like mine
Chris’s last blog post..Happy 50th Momma…
March 5th, 2008 at 10:22 pm
Buy it {um, the chicken}, take it home, have Daren make it. Then if you do get salmonella you can blame it on his cooking, LOL. Lol. Sorry. Was that mean?
Mrs. F’s last blog post..Flickr meme turned Photobucket Meme
March 5th, 2008 at 11:46 pm
great stuff.
i enjoy your posts.
March 6th, 2008 at 6:09 pm
I could have told you that you were messed in the head ages ago
Sarcastica’s last blog post..Just Thoughts