Running For My Life
March 19, 2008
I started running last week. It took me a long time to work up to that, believe me. I’ve never been an athlete, not in the least. In high school, I was naturally skinny, weighing 68 pounds in grade 7 and less than 100 my graduation.
At 5′7″ and 118 pounds, I got pregnant with Dylan when I was 23, at which point I received my License To Eat. I ate fish and chips, ice cream, and Lipton Sidekicks with wild abandon. Nothing was safe from the gorge of my pregnant yap. Looking back, I remember loving the fact I could eat whatever I wanted, but I felt like total crap all the time. Pregnancy and gluttony did not agree with my tiny frame.
So here I am, 9 years and 2 kids later, looking down the barrel of the overweight shotgun, knowing it will kill me one day. My genes on my father’s side are ones that I will fight forever now that I have crossed the line into a BMI that is higher than my age.
Nearly 3 months ago, I had gotten myself down from 220 pounds to 195 by eating better (further by starving myself prior to that, but gained it back). Still, it isn’t enough. My goal is 130. I put these numbers out there with much trepidation, but hopefully those numbers will help me be proud of my accomplishments and accountable for any slips.
When I started with Master Homie G the fitness trainer, it was at that 195 pounds that I stood before her and nearly broke down crying. I felt ashamed. Sheer sadness came over me as she measured my arms, legs, calves, waist and chest.
The fact is, I had no one else to look to but myself. I’m the only one who can change this. I’m the only one who will haul this ass to the gym and get to work. I’m the only one who will ultimately make secret or public decisions as to what to put into my mouth. I’m the one who has to look after this body. For myself, my husband, my kids, for a life that is not about tugging shirts over a muffintop, a life that doesn’t include dressing in dark colours forever, for a life of action and freedom from excess weight.
This last paragraph is my mantra — I repeat this and similar things to myself when I’m feeling weak for M&M’s. I repeat this to myself when I want to call up Homie G and cancel.
Last Saturday Homie G called me into her tiny office and we weighed and measured me after the first 12 sessions were up. I’ve lost 7 pounds in those 12 sessions, which, honestly I thought would be more. I know muscle weighs more than fat and the weight lifting I had been doing had actually made me replace fat with muscle and the weight I had shed was fat - all fat.
So it looks something like this:
Um yeah. Something to be proud of!
On top of losing 7 pounds, I lost 5 inches in total. 2 of those inches were from my waist.
I’m proud of it — having quit smoking 18 months ago (the 27th is the anniversary date), I knew that if I put my mind to something, I could do it.
So now, at 188, stronger than I think I’ve ever been (even when I was skinny I was not in shape), Homie G has encouraged me to start running.
At first, I was very scared of falling. I had this vision of tripping, smashing my head on the handle bar thing and landing in a heap at the back of the treadmill, my head bouncing off of it like a cartoon.
It took weeks to work up to this. But walking at a speed of 4.0 is hard, uncomfortable and suddenly I thought - so what if I fall? What’s a little treadmill burn on ones face?
What the hell - I went for it.
I jogged for 2 minutes, several times over the course of 30 minutes of a walk-run routine. I did not die. I did not trip.
I jiggled like a frigging bowl of Jello, but you know what? It felt GOOD when I was done. I was high on the fact that I had done it.
Homie G and I were both thrilled.
The next time, I ran 3 minutes at a time.
Now I’m up to 4 minutes at a time and while that doesn’t seem like a lot to some of the fittest people out there, I’m damn proud of it. I’ve also increased the speed too. I started that 2 minute run at 5.0 and last night I ran at 5.5.
After kicking cigarettes, alcohol, coffee and winning my battle with food, I’m so glad to be addicted to something that is making me feel so good. Yes, it’s hard, yes I sweat like a truck driver in July, yes my muscles ache and yes I deal with back pain and knee pain and still have the jiggle, but that’s all part of running for your life.
March 19th, 2008 at 3:04 pm
At five feet tall and 185 pounds, I am so out of shape that if I spend a few minutes walking around the house bending down to pick toys up off the floor, my heart starts pounding and I get out of breath. Which scares the hell out of me. What I have to decide is, what am I willing to do? I don’t know if there’s a Sports Bra in the WORLD that would make it safe for me to run
You should be very proud of yourself!
March 19th, 2008 at 3:09 pm
I am so proud of you.
And inspired to get off my own ass.
March 19th, 2008 at 3:13 pm
5 INCHES in 12 sessions? HOLY HECK that is super impressive (and as icky as that illustration of the fat is - HIGH FIVE!) I had to stop looking at the scale to get (almost) back to my comfort zone. Your high school story is like mine but instead of having a baby at 22, I just started putting on weight letting it climb and climb (and so on and so on). I lost it and then some around 30 but as soon as I got pregnant I saw it as a license to EATx100. It’s only now, 29 mths post partum that I’m kinda comfortable with my size. You are inspirational Karen.
March 19th, 2008 at 3:14 pm
WTG! Seven pounds is great! Sounds like you have all the healthy tools you need!
Keep up the good work!!!!!
March 19th, 2008 at 3:47 pm
Karen, that’s fantastic. Looking at pictures of fat always kinda grosses me out. I guess that’s the purpose to begin with. Really need to get off my lazy ass.
March 19th, 2008 at 4:25 pm
That is AWESOME progress! You’re doing a wonderful job, and I’m so proud of you. I couldn’t even run for 2 minutes without passing out from lack of oxygen.
You’re an inspiration. I need you to call me and kick my ass into exercising more.
March 19th, 2008 at 4:28 pm
WOW. You rock. Pretty soon you’ll have to start calling your blog “Karen Iron-Ass” or something like that. You are really encouraging me - I am really trying to psych myself into putting down the late-night ice cream and getting on the awesome elliptical machine that we have IN THE FAMILY ROOM. Pathetic, isn’t it? It’s just that I’m so f-ing tired after the girls are in bed and I’ve cleaned up the kitchen, etc. But I’ve GOT to get past that. You have done so much, you really truly are an inspiration!
As for that jiggle - that was the first thing I thought of when you mentioned running. If I so much as run down the stairs or across the street, I have to hold my boobs with both arms. I hear that duct tape helps, over an exercise bra. LOL
March 19th, 2008 at 5:03 pm
Congratulations. I always say I’m going to start running, and never do. I need some sort of motivation, because clearly my love handles aren’t enough.
March 19th, 2008 at 6:08 pm
Congratulations - those are some awesome stats. Keep it up. I’ve been thinking of blogging my own thoughts on my weight, but haven’t had the guts yet.
March 19th, 2008 at 6:37 pm
Now you need to come down here and help get ME motivated!
Shash
March 19th, 2008 at 6:56 pm
Congratulations on the great success!
March 19th, 2008 at 8:02 pm
I love that you posted this. You’re amazing. Keep it up, babe. We have the same goal and are the same height. Except you’ll get to your goal first.
DAMNIT, MOVE TO SEATTLE ALREADY FORTHELOVEOFGOD. Amen. (End all caps, I swear)
March 19th, 2008 at 9:31 pm
Damn that stupid muscle to hell! It is so irritating to work so hard and then feel like you haven’t done as much as you had hoped because of the goddammned muscle! (Because no matter how hard I tell myself I’m doing it to be healthy, the bottom line is that I want to see a lower number on the f*cking scale!).
March 19th, 2008 at 9:31 pm
I’m proud of you, happy for you and inspired by you all at the same time. I got off my fatness tonight and went to work out thanks to you, you and all YOU!
March 19th, 2008 at 10:28 pm
Whoa! That is amazing! (And gross - I mean the pictures. But wow.) Way to go on kicking those bad habits. And developing a healthy addiction. I need somma that! Does Homie G have a blog?
March 19th, 2008 at 10:35 pm
I thought about you when I was at the gym yesterday. I don’t normally run, but for the first time, after warming up on the treadmill, I ran. It hurt. Like seriously. LOL. I only made it a couple of minutes before the side pain kicked in. I told myself if you could do it, I could do it. You have my respect girlfriend, it HURTS.
March 19th, 2008 at 11:42 pm
Yay! Karen awesome news. I signed up for my first half marathon(october) and am scared poopless. I’m at high number(scale) and am on the scale watch (well sort of) when I have to be weighed and measured. Anyway goooood for you. You sound dedicated and HAPPY!
March 20th, 2008 at 12:30 am
Losing weight is HARD. You are off to great start! Don’t be afraid to talk about your progress — or your lack of progress. Do not worry that you will be boring people or anything like that. Support from people you trust is essential to your continued success.
You can do this. You will.
March 20th, 2008 at 12:42 am
awesome, hon!
i’ve been slacking and i need to get back at it. thanks for inspiring me!
March 20th, 2008 at 1:04 am
Good for you.
I’ve gone a month without smoking. Maybe 17 months from now I’ll start running.
March 20th, 2008 at 2:06 am
You have no idea how much I admire you. I have a lot more to lose than you–including when you started your journey. I get discouraged when it doesn’t come off as fast as I’d like when I have been so good and worked so hard for a week or two. I’m guilty of giving up. You remind me that I should cherish every pound and every inch I melt off–no matter how slow or fast.
The journey and getting healthy is what is more important.
This time next year I want to be able to say I’m running for my life. That’s saying a lot–I’ve never in my life been a runner. But I want to be.
I want to be.
March 20th, 2008 at 7:12 am
That is awesome!! (yeah, I’m not the first to say it, but I just got here)
I started running a couple of years ago, and have not regretted it. It (the running) really does get easier, and since you have a trainer to guide you it will be better for you than it was for me. Awesome, awesome, awesome, and keep up the good work.
March 20th, 2008 at 9:51 am
*wOOt*
Dude, running is HARD!
Before I became overweight (read: before I went to college) I was VERY active. I played basketball, volleyball, soccer and did track for the longest time. The running is by far the hardest part.
Getting into it is even harder, it’s all about baby steps and by the sounds of it, YOU’RE KICKING ASS!!
I’d SOOOO love to live closer to you and work out with you!!
March 20th, 2008 at 10:24 am
You know, even if you hit, say 180 and stay there, but you are stronger and healthier and have great cardio, and you eat food that is good for your body, that should be okay.
Do it for your health, not for a number on the scale.
March 20th, 2008 at 10:35 am
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March 20th, 2008 at 11:19 am
Good luck! I am 5′6″ and just weighed in at 205. That’s up from 150 (and that was down from 185) a year ago. To say I’m disgusted with myself is an understatement. I’ve always been 125-130. There was a point in my life that I ran six miles a day. Now six feet is a chore. My goal is 130-135. The reason I’m telling you this is because you CAN do it. I was at 185 and got down to 150 before I got super stressed and decided I’d like to add to the stress by making myself FATTER and do the whole yo-yo weight thing. If I had stuck to it, within four months I would have been at my goal. You sound like you are really ready for this. When I feel like I want to give up I remind myself how fast the last month went, and if I keep it up, I’ll be thin(healthy) again before I know it. Just stick to it.
Sorry for the novel, this is just a subject I can really relate to.
March 20th, 2008 at 3:53 pm
We have all the same numbers! Except take 7″ off my measurement. My HEIGHT measurement! Yeah, 5′, 195, I am as round as I am tall.
Shania’s last blog post..You got served! Or GTFO…
March 20th, 2008 at 9:32 pm
Sadly, the pics of fat aren’t motivating me to get off my fat ass.
March 20th, 2008 at 10:13 pm
Well done and fair play to you! I might even get up off my arse and join a gym now
J from Ireland’s last blog post..Baby #4 and stuff
March 20th, 2008 at 11:01 pm
You rock, woman. I am so proud of you.
Suebob’s last blog post..The Screening Room
March 21st, 2008 at 3:31 am
You go, girl!! I totally get where you’re coming from. I was 5′8″ and 209# last November and lost 60#. You should see my before and after photos…it really can be done! I just started running a few weeks ago and you won’t believe what it does for the ol’ rear view. I promise, it’s better than just being garden-variety skinny. Once you see those muscles sleeking out your thighs you will never look back! (And I have always been a confirmed couch potato.) You can come b*tch to me any time..I’m rootin’ for ya!
DebbieS’s last blog post..Run-On Sentences
March 22nd, 2008 at 3:18 pm
“Life” is the operative word. I have just over seven years under my non-smoking belt. It was a bitch and there are still days when the smell of second hand smoke makes me tremble with wanting, even though I know I could never go back. The exercise, god woman, that is so fucking awesome. The jiggle, the burn, the muttered “I hate this,” it is a herculean achievement every time you do it. And yes, it moves slowly, the progress, until you look up and the you that you thought you were is miles behind you. You’ll find your expectations of yourself moving up with each pound loss, making the quest seem never ending, but if you keep you eye on the ball of doing it for your health, you’ll do just fine.
My ratty baseball cap is off to you.
Amanda’s last blog post..Honey, if you are reading this - STOP!
March 28th, 2008 at 9:37 am
just reading your post I can feel my adrenaline pumping. i used to hate running but as i got started (slowly) i understood what all those crazy people were talking about.
very motivating, thank you.
z
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April 1st, 2008 at 5:00 am
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April 1st, 2008 at 6:22 am
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April 5th, 2008 at 12:11 pm
Got here from Sleeping Mommy.
Great post. I have battled wiht weight since 2nd grade. I peaked right before the birth of my first child. Lost the weight and then some. Gained it all back with my second. Lost the weight, and then some. Gained it all back with my third. Lost it and then some.
Now, I weigh less than I did my senior year of high school. I am the healthiest I’ve ever been. But I have had to fight for every ounce of health I have gained. I started running just like you - bit by bit. Running has been the best thing!
Between the birth of my first and now - I have done 5 sprint triathlons and 3 half-marathons. I’m looking to my 4th half in just and hope to try an olympic distance triathlon in August.
Keep it up. It’s hard often, but it is so worth it. So. Worth. It. You are inspiring!
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