She Turned Around and Gave That Big Booty a Slap
April 24, 2008
Jenny @ The Bloggess twittered this morning about someone telling her that perfectly sensible, comfortable, capri pants are OUT.
WHAT?
Okay, then let’s take a close look on what is supposedly “in.”
Shouldn’t she be on the set of Austin Powers 4: Dr. Evil’s Fashion Show? Those shoes are not my bag, baby. The shorts kinda remind me of craptastic camping shorts of the 90’s:
Note the crocs. Enough said. There ought to be a law.
Next up on the 2008 Fashion circuit: RUFFLES.
FTW?
Look at that poor model. She’s all, “I threw up my breakfast for this?”
This sad model is clenching in an Ex-lax induced liquid turtlehead until she gets off the runway. You know she lied to the designer about how fab his designs are and she’s trying very hard not to laugh. One giggle and that hot mess of a dress will be a hot mess of a dress.
And what’s them all wearing red pantyhose? This pathetic look has been brought to you by the letter B, for BEDSKIRT.
Whew. At least we got rid of that Pepto-inspired colour. Still, a blouse made of faux tailpipes is 45 shades of NOT PRETTY. And what is that white thing? Shorts? A skirt? A skort? Sweetie, I know your closing your eyes and wishing this was over, but if you fall off the stage and crack your head open, you’re going to DIE in that outfit. That’s a fate worse than being in a car accident without clean underwear on.
Next up? Pipe-lined jackets:
Sure there’s a couple there I might actually try on - like the last one or maaaaybe the bottom left. But SANTA CLAUS CALLED AND HE WANTS HIS EYEBROWS BACK! I didn’t know Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band even made clothes.
Last but not least: Apple Bottom Jeans:
Which, HELLO?
and this:
Uh yeah, I think I’ll keep being unfashionable in my capri’s and skirts. Besides, I don’t even think they make red pantyhose in Canada.
April 24th, 2008 at 8:59 am
Hah!
My legs and thighs will be happily ensconced in capris and bermudas all summer long - I don’t care how of style I am.
I admit, however, to digging a few of the coats you posted.
Chris’s last blog post..Rocking the Vote
April 24th, 2008 at 9:03 am
Not only did Santa call about the eyebrows, I’m thinking Captain Kangaroo is having a hissy from the great beyond about how long it’s taken for his “look” to make it to the catwalk.
April 24th, 2008 at 9:17 am
Ha! Okay, first of all, I’m totally keeping my capri’s. And secondly, I am wearing the most ridiculously ruffletastic skirt today it’s frightening. Seriously. If I can find someone with a cameraphone I will totally send you a picture and it will Blow. Your. Mind.
Jenny, Bloggess’s last blog post..Puerto Rico, part one: Things I learned in first class
April 24th, 2008 at 10:11 am
I wore my capris yesterday. No one can stop me, bwahahaha.
Really some of that stuff is just too much. Who wants to go around looking like they are drowning in their shirt?
Vixen’s last blog post..Willing
April 24th, 2008 at 10:35 am
I have nothing BUT capris for summer. NO one wants to see what I got. I mean, no one.
Sleeping Mommy’s last blog post..Mustang Ammie
April 24th, 2008 at 11:04 am
HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA - that’s awesome.
And here in Florida where we KNOW how to dress for warm weather?
Capris and walking shorts and skirts. Damn straight.
Miss Britt’s last blog post..Is Groveling Considered Heroic?
April 24th, 2008 at 11:49 am
I am not giving up capris anytime in this decade. No one deserves the punishment of seeing my pasty white, flabby thighs.
Mamikaze’s last blog post..and caviar dreams
April 24th, 2008 at 12:00 pm
I bet I could find red pantyhose in Montreal. Should I send you some?
sassymonkey’s last blog post..Second Breakfast but no Elevensies
April 24th, 2008 at 12:08 pm
The day I start listening to fashion “experts” about what is hot and what’s not is the day wings sprout on my ass and I start flying.
Karl’s last blog post..100 Things About Karl, Part Five
April 24th, 2008 at 12:19 pm
capris need to be outlawed for anyone under 5′3..just saying. i am SHORT. really short. and i can’t event tell you how GODawful i look in capris…i’m kind of glad they are OUT!
ali’s last blog post..plague free and the infamous one-liner
April 24th, 2008 at 12:38 pm
Is the phrase “Ex-lax induced liquid turtlehead” patented? That is one of the most awesome phrases ever!
I just bought some capris. OF COURSE it’s time that they are out of style.
Christy’s last blog post..Bloggy Giveaway–Day 3!
April 24th, 2008 at 1:01 pm
I’m SO with Karl on this. I mean, HELLO those were some of the most hideous things I’ve seen done to perfectly innocent fabric. I often wonder if “fashion” designers are just pushing and pushing until someone smacks them across the face and shouts, “YOU’RE AN IDIOT!” Because HOW could the bedskirt dress, for example, which looks like it’s got football padding under it, or the insanely ruffled contraptions, look pretty to anyone?
When it comes right down to it actions speak louder than words; we will NOT see anyone shopping at the grocery store in any of those… things. We probably won’t even see anyone going to special events in them. Then again, you and I don’t live in New York or Paris. Who knows what clothing reality is like there.
Violet the Verbose’s last blog post..Wednesday (I think)
April 24th, 2008 at 1:32 pm
Both funny and sad.
I can see myself walking into a meetign with the CEO in those shorts. NOT.
Nat’s last blog post..Garlic and sesame oil — A clarification
April 24th, 2008 at 1:46 pm
I’m sure this isn’t the first time I’m a fashion don’t.
Long live capris.
*pixie*’s last blog post..the rules
April 24th, 2008 at 2:18 pm
I’m wearing capris and I’m damn proud of it.
Come tell me - a nine month pregnant lady - that I am out of fashion and I’ll punch you right in the cunt.
sam’s last blog post..Finding The Way Back
April 24th, 2008 at 2:36 pm
I have been searching for the past 4 years to try and find shorts that are neither too short nor too long. They just do not exist. I have no idea what I am going to wear this summer…again. My capris are just too hot to play in the sun with the kids, but the only shorts I have are not appropriate for a mom of 4 kids to wear in public. Fashion sucks. Can’t we all just hang out in pajamas?
tori’s last blog post..Geinus Streaks and Cardiologists
April 24th, 2008 at 2:59 pm
Dude. I totally dress like a supermodel every day.
(I’m wearing capris right fucking now.)
mamatulip’s last blog post..Today will be better
April 24th, 2008 at 3:08 pm
just pretend i said something unfuckingbelieveable right here
furiousball’s last blog post..the real importance of seeing a baseball game with your Dad
April 24th, 2008 at 3:16 pm
No, no and no! If my capris still fit, I’m wearing them. If they don’t, I’ll just stick with jeans (normal, low-rise jeans).
Average Jane’s last blog post..Average Jane Has Work To Do
April 24th, 2008 at 3:50 pm
um,yeah. Ruffles just make me nervous. Some of those dresses look like they stole the curtains out of my dead grandmother’s old bathroom window and made a dress out of them. Capris are fucking awesome.
Amanda (Shamelessly Sassy)’s last blog post..Koumpounophobia:Fear of Buttons
April 24th, 2008 at 7:38 pm
I never owned a pair of mom jeans - not when I was 12 or 13; I swear.
OMSH’s last blog post..Christian license plates.
April 24th, 2008 at 8:38 pm
I am so going to keep wearing my Capris!@!! That video almost made me pee my pants.
Danielle’s last blog post..Stupid News and A Giveaway
April 24th, 2008 at 8:50 pm
funniest thing i read all day….”i threw up my breakfast for this?” lol!
p.s. - did you photoshop and stretch those last pics of the models or are they really that skinny? *shiver*
April 25th, 2008 at 7:52 am
I absolutely love Capris and thank god I am nearly 50 and can wear whatever out of style shit I want to. I don’t think any “fashions” are created for anyone over the age of 14 anyway.
And I’m pretty sure we have red pantyhose here - I don’t we make them - (doesn’t China do all that?) But I wouldn’t be caught dead in pantyhose anyway except perhaps at a funeral.
April 25th, 2008 at 12:30 pm
OMFG–
Look at that poor model, she’s all, ‘I threw up my breakfast for this?!’
Prizeworthy!
the new girl’s last blog post..Fun Fact Friday!!
April 26th, 2008 at 5:07 pm
I did get rid of all of my capris this year, but only because I realized that they looked like I’d borrowed them from a hobo. Probably from too much wear.
jennie’s last blog post..Girls Night (In)
April 28th, 2008 at 12:53 am
omg, i have to come to this blog more often so i have new phrases to drop into everyday conversation. i love the *ex-lax induced liquid turtle* line - more fun than a room full of sweaty fireman
AND i’m gonna go find a full term pregnant lady and piss her off, just to see if she’ll pull a ’sam’ on me - i just don’t get kicked in the cunt enough these days . . .
personally i’m still wearing the same levi’s i’ve had for the past 7 years cause there are still one or two seams that aren’t held together with safety pins. but my ruffled underwear - now THAT’s fashionable.
April 28th, 2008 at 8:42 pm
Remember the men who pick our so called fashions they look as weird as they can.
I love my Capri pants and I call them peddle pushers…and I’ll wear them everywhere thanks for sharing the odd clothes…keeps me grounded…..
Dorothy from grammology
remember to call gram
Dorothy Stahlnecker’s last blog post..Updates, Cancer and Site improvements
April 29th, 2008 at 4:17 pm
OK, I’m fine with capri pants leaving.. I never liked them.. it was as if they couldn’t make up their minds to be shorts or pants.
BUT.. I absolutely embraced the idea of multicolored tights under skirts.. and I’m afraid I’ve already missed the fad.
I only bought 2 pair!
ooh.. and I love the coats too.