Gang Mentality: Bullying
April 25, 2008
Two days ago, a student at the high school that our sitter goes to, not 5 minutes from my house, was beaten to unconsciousness and while he was passed out on the pavement, the boys who were beating him up kept kicking him in the head.
He is in hospital now.
Those boys kept kicking him.
Other students filmed the entire thing with their cell phones.
While this boy lay, passed out, the other boys kept. kicking. him.
In. The. Head.
While others watched, filmed, pointed, and DID NOTHING TO HELP HIM.
Every time I imagine it, I feel sick to my stomach. I’m livid.
This could have been our sitter. It could have been our son, a mere 5 years from now. It could be your son. Nephew. Grandson.
So while I see this Day of Silence on other blogs, no disrespect to anyone but, I have to say that I will NOT stay silent about bullying.
Because ever since I heard this story yesterday, even though I wasn’t there, even though I don’t know this kid in the hospital, it infuriates me to my core.
Britt wrote about not letting our sons grow up to be rapists.
We want our kids to not be bullied, not to be bullies, not to follow the pack, not to get hurt…the list goes on.
While we’re telling them all these things NOT to do, but are we teaching them about how to stand up in a situation like this where a massive, violent, horrible act was committed by teenagers?
These kids aren’t just fighting, as kids tend to do — it’s the ganging up on one kid that has my head shaking. When we were young, girls didn’t fight. Guys would occasionally but it was always one on one. If you had a beef with someone, the fight was still fair. One on one - face to face.
Our sitter, his mother and I talked about this with him. She vowed to get him a cell phone so he can call police if this ever happens again.
“If I call the police Mom, I’ll be the next one to get beat,” he protested.
How do we teach our children to do the right thing when the right thing (possibly saving a fellow student’s life) could land them in a hospital with a concussion or worse, a toe tag?
Please — help me understand WHY this happens, WHY kids are using violence in numbers, and WHY they think filming it with their cell phones to become “YouTube famous” is somehow a better fucking decision than using that phone to call for help?
Please discuss. We need this sort of thing to end and I don’t have all the answers. Even if I teach my kid how to defend himself, how to handle a bully, the fact of the matter is if he is up against a group of kids, he might end up in serious trouble.
April 25th, 2008 at 1:31 am
These stories really get me wound up. I was constantly bullied as a kid, but never like THAT. Ganged up on by a team of boys (or girls) and beat to a pulp and beyond? I don’t fucking get it.
Obviously, these kids are morons (as well as bullies) for filming the shit and uploading it to Youtube. Hello? Evidence?
I don’t understand how people can be so evil.
Karl’s last blog post..Shhhh!
April 25th, 2008 at 6:23 am
I have a daughter in high school, and one in college. It terrifies me that something like this might happen to them.
It terrifies me further that one of my children might stand by and do nothing while this happens to someone else.
Sometimes, this world is a not so fun place to be…
Miss Anne Derstood’s last blog post..The Case of the Missing Bananas… Conclusion
April 25th, 2008 at 6:42 am
I don’t know Karen. Maybe you have to build a little idealism into them - some type of belief that thinks if you do the right thing you’ll be OK on principle.
And hope that it works out that way.
Miss Britt’s last blog post..Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be rapists
April 25th, 2008 at 7:43 am
A lot of it boils down to the leader. He or she is morally bankrupt and allowed to get that far n life without experiencing any repercussions. Most high school kids are followers and too afraid to stray from the pack, so if one person starts doing something, many of them will follow. The rest of them aren’t exactly bad kids - they’re just too afraid to say no.
Avitable’s last blog post..The incredible shrinking penis
April 25th, 2008 at 8:49 am
We just had a story like this locally. A boy beat a special needs student unconscious on the bus. The kids blocked the bus driver when he tried to get through and stop it, and they all filmed it on their cell phones. It’s sickening and it scares the hell out of me.
Gina’s last blog post..Letters
April 25th, 2008 at 9:03 am
I have a son in high school - when he was younger (and a chubby sweet little boy) he was bullied mercilessly. My experience was that parents of bullies protect their children from consequences.
And they were bullies themselves.
With the the increasing pressure families and children are under it seems that the only way to feel better about yourself is to put someone else down. Schools and parents need to teach and support the concept that the least of us is as important as the most powerful. Schools need to do more. Parents need to do more.
I didn’t know about the day of Silence but your blog alerted me to it - and I will in turn take it to my school board to support the need for continued attention to this very serious problem.
By the way I am a fairly new reader to your blog - thank you for sharing.
Judy’s last blog post..By: Christopher Barzak
April 25th, 2008 at 9:27 am
They watch TV with its 7 murders per hour and its “anything is ok as long as it makes you famous” attitude and movies that are violent and video games that are violent and we talk about opening up a can of whupass and kicking someone’s ass and then OMG surprise! when they act it out.
Suebob’s last blog post..Enough already
April 25th, 2008 at 9:55 am
Brought here via Britt. I was a teacher and I witnessed one of MY students get into a fight and kick the boy in the head, repeatedly, until I left my classroom and pulled him off. The MALE teacher across the hall, just shut his door.
I also witnessed a fight in the gym, where a circle of students locked arms, like an arena, so you couldn’t get in the circle, nor out. This was a girl fight, with padlocks on the ends of bicycle chains…I left teaching shortly after.
Jer’s last blog post..Going to the Chapel…..
April 25th, 2008 at 11:30 am
I hate that this happens, and I’ll echo other peoples comments that it’s in part because the ring leaders parents’ believe their little no darling can do no wrong. In teaching I keep encountering this attitude again and again…
The amount of criticism I get off some parents if I dare to mark their little darlings work as less than perfect is unbelievable. I mark some pupils work with a sick feeling in my stomach as I won’t abandon my principles and give them good marks if they deserve it.
Katie’s last blog post..On strike
April 25th, 2008 at 12:56 pm
this makes me beyond sick. i can’t explain why other kids sit there and allow this type of shit to happen. i don’t know why they film it, other than they think it’s cool- and they can post it on places like myspace and youtube. i seriously think myspace and the likes are fucking evil. they give kids an outlet that maybe they aren’t mature enough to have yet. i don’t know- all i do know is that i’ve seen TONS of high school kids myspace pages, and they are FILLED with pictures of underage drinking, pot smoking, parties, etc. and i always wonder- do their parents know that their myspace page looks like this??????
jennster’s last blog post..here’s where i get my perspective back
April 25th, 2008 at 2:07 pm
I have a five year old son. We are already teaching him to treat ladies like ladies; even when they don’t act like ladies.
His sister hit him the other day - he is not allowed to hit girls, period. He did not hit her back. She was disciplined, he was not.
He is taught that ladies always go first, men open doors for ladies, and to never hit a girl.
On the other hand, we are also teaching self-defense. There is a bully at his school. He is supposed to FIRST use his words, but if he is pushed down, or sees someone else pushed down, he is to stand up for himself.
Of course the girls’ message is a LOT the same, but we teach them a bit differently. I’m likely raising traditional children in a non-traditional world, but I believe in it.
I will raise a gentleman that will protect women and will protect his friends. I will raise ladies that will allow men to protect them, act like ladies, and use words first.
And they will know that doing what’s right is ALWAYS right - no matter what the consequences are. I would be angry, but honored, if my child stood up for the boy that was beaten - and in turn, was beat. Because that is what we are SUPPOSED to do.
Watching and filming is out of the question.
What’s right is right. Persecution may come, but my rewards aren’t on this earth and as I tell my children, this is not our “home” either.
This sickens me too.
OMSH’s last blog post..Christian license plates.
April 25th, 2008 at 5:19 pm
I’m with you, Karen. It makes me sick. A lot of it starts with the parents. I work very hard to be a good role model to my kids but I have found that there are many more parents who would rather make excuses for their kids than deal with the issue. My oldest daughter was punched by a boy at school and his father’s excuse was that boys will be boys and my daughter shouldn’t be playing with boys if she wants to avoid scuffles. This is what we are dealing with and I’m quickly feeling like we are being outnumbered.
slackermommy’s last blog post..You can buy your mother-in-law a first class ticket to Hell
April 25th, 2008 at 5:43 pm
This makes me sick. The Boy is seven. You teach your kids to respect other people and their rights, and then you teach them to stand up for good and right. And you hope it works. ..
That poor kid. This scares me. The whole mob violence we are seeing now scares me. I hope they charge the kids and they charge the bystandards. Maybe then people will at least consider doing the right thing.
Nat’s last blog post..Gone to the dogs
April 25th, 2008 at 6:57 pm
I was picked on severely as a kid, nothing violent, just constant picking. I fear my kids going through the same thing.
I think the attention violence gets, with it being replayed on the news, web, etc, doesn’t help. It’s like five minutes of fame or something.
It’s really sad and I hope the kid in your town heals well and fast!
BarefootintheCountry’s last blog post..Book Tagging
April 25th, 2008 at 7:02 pm
Part of the problem is the supposed “zero tolerance” to violence in schools. It doesn’t stop the bullying at all but the conscientious kids feel it is wrong to protect themselves or others. Meanwhile the teachers and yard monitors do nothing to help the kids.
My son was bullied in school by a gang lead by one particular bully. He obeyed the no fighting rule but got no support from authority. When the principal finally promised to help but then reneged, I told my son it was fine for him to fight back but to make sure he hit hard because he was sure to get dragged down to the office. When he did, he was to call me immediately. And this is what happened within 2 days. The principal announced he would be suspended until I pointed out that it was his own fault that the kid was left to defend himself at my insistence. My son was not suspended and nor was he ever bullied again. He jumped to defend others as well in time, unafraid to get hurt because the bullies would not get away without some pain themselves. He did have confrontations. He never got hurt. But kids also did not carry weapons then.
Bottom line is that all kids must be trained and allowed to defend themselves against bullies. There will ALWAYS be bullies.
April 25th, 2008 at 9:41 pm
Well said, Karen. And OMSH’s comment was dead on. I watched the news last night and am appalled at today’s kids and as much as I cringe about it, sometimes I wonder if homeschool isn’t the best route? I never want my children in these circumstances.
Mrs. Flinger’s last blog post..Goonies, Baby, Goonies
April 26th, 2008 at 8:15 pm
Stories like this make me sick. Fighting is bad enough, scary enough. But the VIOLENCE and HATRED of kicking someone when they are already down? It just kills me.
Karly’s last blog post..Contrary To What The Picture Suggests…
April 26th, 2008 at 10:37 pm
I say this all the time, I must have some kind of charmed life.
I do not remember any girl I know (of) hitting or slapping another girl…for my entire life. I remember there were 2 girls who were extremely intimidating and people THOUGHT they beat people up. But they didn’t. One of them tried to bully me in junior year. I remember telling her to hit me and get it out of her system. She never hit me or anyone else.
I remember exactly 2 guy fights. Same guy in both fights. Neither of them were like, huge fights.
I didn’t know anyone who was raped. Nobody got pregnant.
I think because of my semi-charmed life, I have a real hard time with this shit. I just don’t get it. I don’t know why these kids behave this way.
What I do know is that people my age and only slightly younger than me MADE these kids. It was the beginning of “attachement” parentling and no spanking and of society dictating how to raise our kids. We became afraid to discipline.
I know your thoughts on corporal punishment are different from mine. I don’t think a good smack is a bad thing. And honestly, these kids need a good fucking ass kicking. Maybe if they knew what it felt like…
Call me backwards, but I really lay a lot of this at the door of the internet. It’s depersonalised everything.
And girls are different now too. It seems we used to have a best friend or two but never more. And we didn’t TURN ON the people in our little groups. That’s the part that gets me.
I don’t get it. Ya know, I seriously feel lucky to be one of the last generations to take responsibility for ourselves. I am also lucky that I lived in fucking Pleasantville USA.
I would hate to be a kid today and I would hate to be a parent today. I can’t help but think the little kids of today will be worse than the teenagers we have now.
I realise this smacks of one of those “the good old days” lectures but that’s not how I mean it.
I hope to be long dead before it gets any worse.
OMG! I made a comment. On a blog. ~faints~
Miss Ann Thrope’s last blog post..Even my toenails hurt
April 27th, 2008 at 9:06 am
you should watch this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-XMxwyBBywc
April 27th, 2008 at 9:27 am
omg- what is WRONG with people?
Christie’s last blog post..Ch-Ch-Changes….
April 27th, 2008 at 10:44 am
I think they should think up some really harsh, very strict new laws and lock the little bastards away in maximum security.
aka_monty’s last blog post..I’m not nitpicky.
April 27th, 2008 at 8:27 pm
I stumbled across this video a few nights ago and it’s haunted me since:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=53xKVl-paI8&eurl=http://www.bullycide.org/
Thank you, thank you for this post.
My children are small, but my tolerance for bullies and bullying is not. I do not let the moms of the Toddler Group bullies get away with it…without fail, they turn the other cheek.
http://www.bullycide.org/
miguelina’s last blog post..Update: Relief
April 27th, 2008 at 11:48 pm
This kind of stuff preys on my mind all the time. I spend an inordinate amount of time watching the world and wondering how we got here, to a place where literally nothing is sacred, where being a decent person is actually frowned upon and where a parent would defend their child’s abhorrent behavior rather than punish them.
I definitely don’t have all the answers but honestly, a huge part of it is, IMO, a teen culture that is catered to by a media that doesn’t care what they feed our kids, as long as they’re watching and advertisers are paying.
Additionally, as someone else said, the internet has depersonalized things so much and become a substitute for actual human contact in a lot of ways. And as we all know, the digital realm can bring out the absolute worst in people because we’re all just words on a screen, rather than real people.
The loss of community is a big part of it, as well. Back when people really knew each other and everyone knew everyone else’s kids, parents, etc. it was a lot harder to be so anonymous. People knew when you did something bad and the whole community would hold you accountable and the threat of being ostracized kept people from behaving badly. People are no longer held accountable by their community because people don’t know each other on that level anymore.
Throw in a desire for fame or notoriety that is also media-fed and you have a recipe for a generation of selfish, self-absorbed kids who lack empathy, ethics, integrity and a moral compass and who will do anything and break any social more to get their 15 minutes of fame. I know I sound like I’m 80 yrs old but I truly believe that.
It makes me want to go live in the middle of nowhere, with no TV, no internet and very limited contact with this world that often makes me ashamed to be human.
Izzy’s last blog post..Hooray for Sex, Drugs and Rock & Roll!
April 28th, 2008 at 12:58 pm
I remember when I was young a gang of bullies in my neighborhood. My computer is being funky, so I’ll post the story elsewhere. Basically, this isn’t new. Was going on 40 years ago, and also when my grandparents were kids. Doesn’t make it right, but … humanity still has a lot of growing up to do.
April 29th, 2008 at 4:23 pm
[...] It’s no better than bullying and I won’t stay quiet about it. [...]
April 30th, 2008 at 12:06 am
Karen, god I wish I knew what causes this sort of thing. I’m horrified. And terrified. Both that one of my sons will be victimized or that one of them will be a bully.
LawyerMama’s last blog post..Rockabye by Rebecca Woolf
April 30th, 2008 at 2:39 am
My son is 8, and I am doing my best to make him conscious of the world around him. Insulating children from the outside world is not the answer-the world is always there, and there will come a time when you can no longer keep them by your side. When I was 13 I refused to let my mother home school me, because I knew I would not be ready for the world when the time came for me to go on to college, etc. Children are all different, but also so much smarter than most people give them credit for.
Explain things to your children. You are their best defense. Worried about violence on television and in the world? Sit down with your kids and watch the news, and explain it to them. Watch a television program and tell them how the special effects are done. If you demystify things, they are no longer scary.