You Now Have Full Permission To Kick My Ass
July 11, 2008
I’m freaking the fuck out right now. There are about 6 weeks left until my brother’s wedding and I’m stuck again - with still a size and a half to go to get into that bridesmaid dress! Thank God for a good friend (Hi Kyra!) who has recommended a book that she says will work.
I trust her. What I don’t trust is my stupid body.
I’m about to kick it into high gear: meal planning, 2-3 hours a day (split - morning and after dinner) of activity, be it walking, weights, running, biking, cycling, whatever it takes.
I think what has been screwing me over is the food part of things. In this heat, I crave junk like ice cream, popsicles, and those mothereffing Rolo Chocolate cones. (Salad too, but still - the sugar rushes I’m indulging in are 3-4 times a week and I’m justifying them by telling myself I’m working them off with planks and side planks and push ups and crunches and squats and burpies but ugh. I’m LYING to myself.) The drinks I had over my birthday weekend probably didn’t help either.
Sleep also needs to become a priority ~ no more super late nights.
I seriously need a good ass kicking. Not so much in the activity department, but definitely in the food department. I need to plan better, and question each trip to the kitchen. That and I need to stop buying junk!
Oh and I need to call Homie G - I have 8 30 minute sessions left and I want to book them ALL so I’m committed to her. She also needs to kick my ass HARD! I wish Tommy Europe or Jillian Michaels would move here to help me!
So if you need to vent, bitch, whine, cry it out - do it here, right now. Tell me off. I deserve it. It’s been a bad 10 days.
Have fun!
July 11th, 2008 at 1:12 am
What kind of exercise is a burpie? And planks. And side planks.
and OMG THIS is why i am not losing weight. Ice cream needs to be canceled out with activity?
Crap
bluepaintreds last blog post..This Is My Brain
July 11th, 2008 at 1:15 am
I’ll kick your ass if you kick mine. I suck at the healthy thing. It goes in spurts for me. Just like making excuses.
(But then again…I did have some medical shit that got in the way.)
Hang in there! I know you can do this. You’ve been so committed to this healthier lifestyle, you’re bound to achieve your goal!
danas last blog post..Go Green With Recycline
July 11th, 2008 at 1:22 am
I will totally kick your ass, if you’ll kick mine Thursday after I return from Vegas. I wanted to lost 15 pounds. Didn’t happen. I enjoy cooking/eating and drinking beer and wine. It’s bad. Damn me for wanting to enjoy life, it’s just wrong. Oi.
rachels last blog post..Bright Lights, Late Nights
July 11th, 2008 at 1:27 am
This is what you get for ordering a dress you knew you couldn’t get into without torturing yourself.
Now, the time for that torture has come. My guess is you’ll be hungry for the next six weeks.
This must be one good friend!
July 11th, 2008 at 1:58 am
Seriously, NO SHIT, I lost 2 pant in 8 weeks starting Pilates 4 times a week. It is the most awesome workout, it takes less than an hour and it works you out HARD with no weights. It was amazing.
Anissa @ Hope4Peytons last blog post..I have evil, winged monkeys and I’m not afraid to use them
July 11th, 2008 at 1:59 am
ok, i didn’t lose 2 PAIRS of pants, I lost 2 pant SIZES!
Anissa @ Hope4Peytons last blog post..I have evil, winged monkeys and I’m not afraid to use them
July 11th, 2008 at 2:08 am
Burpies?
Good luck, darlin’!
If it helps in the commisseration department, I’ve been working out (cardio only so far - elliptical) almost every day for 3 weeks and haven’t shed a pound. One day it looked like I had lost 3 but I must have just had a good poop or something - same weight (as starting weight) every time I’ve weighed myself since then. I’m getting my will to continue simply from knowing that I’m doing something good for myself and from the fact that my legs are firming up. But I’m still eating ice cream at night. DUH!
Violet The Verboses last blog post..Good Morning
July 11th, 2008 at 7:59 am
Wouldn’t it be great if exercise was ENOUGH! I am totally exercising my ass off but the scale hasn’t budged in ages. And sweets are the culprit here too. So, I can’t kick your ass because I need mine kicked harder! Good luck (and what is that book?)
July 11th, 2008 at 8:36 am
ok 1) not only will you not be hungry for the next 6 weeks, but you’ll probably be telling me you can’t eat it all (to which I will yell at you.) Healthy food takes up a LOT more space than calorically dense junk, and 2) remember what I said about adding the extra workouts… Be careful or you’ll tank your metabolism. More isn’t better, the trick is to exercise smart. Don’t make me come over there….
You’ll be fine, I’m sure you’ll fit the dress. And remember the event isn’t about the dress, but the people - you will be glad you are there either way.
Email me if you need to, ok?
Kyras last blog post..Winecam
July 11th, 2008 at 8:47 am
I’m having a hard time laying off the hard cider and the ice cream (taken seperately, not together. Ewww)
However, courtesy of quite a bit of hiking and slight change of diet, I finally seem to be losing a bit of weight. You could totally kick my ass in a 5K though!
Asthmagirls last blog post..The big day!
July 11th, 2008 at 9:04 am
This is what I have to say: Sugar-Free Popsicles brand popsicles. 15 calories each. Amen.
chirkys last blog post..Among Other Things, Betting Your Scalp Will Tingle
July 11th, 2008 at 9:17 am
Anytime I get serious about losing weight (which for the past few years has been NEVER), I keep a food diary. Just writing it down and keeping track of what I’m eating makes me so aware. It’s so damn easy to think, “Oh, that single glass of wine hardly counts!” but the cumulative effect is what gets you. Good luck!
Velmas last blog post..Slogging Through The Week
July 11th, 2008 at 9:21 am
Bluepaintred - you made me laugh so hard! Burpies are those ones where you go down into a plank, then jump uponto your feet and jump as high as you can into the air, raising your arms above your head. Repeat lots of times.
A plank is holding the position of being on your elbows and toes only - body straight. Side planks are an ‘on your side’ version of planks and I find them very hard to do. I’m sure if you search for those on Youtube, there has to be videos.
Dana - you are not good at kicking ass.
Rachel - I know, that is so true - but I think I enjoy those things more when I’m taking care of myself.
Matthew - now that’s how it’s done! (It’s my brother’s wedding - I edited the post to reflect that.)
Anissa - I will add that to the mix!
Violet - I’ve been trying really hard not to eat after dinner but in the summer, we seem to eat later too. We can do this!
Rebecca - the book is called Body for Life. It tries to sell you a bunch of shakes and stuff but you can do it without that! (Just use regular food/shakes)
Kyra - you rock.
Asthmagirl - I doubt I could. I’m a slow runner.
Jes - I will have to look for those, but I find when I buy diet food, I trick myself into thinking I can have more of it! Bad dieter!
July 11th, 2008 at 9:22 am
Velma - I do that on Sparkpeople.com. It’s great b/c you can see the breakdown.
July 11th, 2008 at 9:44 am
Ahem.
How’s this?
You’ve been lecturing me about giving up smoking - which is a HIGHLY ADDICTIVE habit - but you can’t quit fucking ice cream for six weeks?
(How was that? Was that tough? Too tough? I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it.)
July 11th, 2008 at 10:02 am
Burpies? Oh just the thought of them kills me.
Any calories in Maker’s Mark? On the rocks with a splash - that’s my cool evening treat.
Have sex instead of eating. Women’s Health just did an article of like 56 Ways Having Sex Makes You Healthier (or some such).
Every time you want to eat something, go try the dress on instead.
Amy @ Milk Breath & Margaritass last blog post..Wife Swap
July 11th, 2008 at 10:34 am
LOL @ Miss Britt
I wish I could tell you off because it’s like an open invitation, ya know but you inspired me to put my fat ass on my bike and start exercising.
What the fuck were you thinking??? You had to start exercising and get healthy. Thanks a whole lot you silly whore.
See, I’m just hostile because I get sweaty now but thanks for the inspiration.
July 11th, 2008 at 10:49 am
Yeah well I biked 15 miles yesterday, came home and ate a huge piece of chocolate cake. Ummm counterproductive?? And I luv me some wine to unwind at night so I guess that explains why there is so much ass for you to kick!
Kats last blog post..things-don’t-suck-as-much-as-i-thought thursday - third edition
July 11th, 2008 at 2:42 pm
I can vent?
About something that is completely unrelated to your post?
Thanks, fuckdog.
So we have this cat. An awesome cat, a Ragdoll, a breed that is known for their docile nature. Perfect kind of cat to have with an almost three-year-old firecracker. Yanno? (Yeah. I know you do.)
Said cat refuses to shit in box. Shits instead on basement floor, upwards of twice a day. Said cat is lucky he keeps it to the one side of the basement, and is also lucky that we LUUUURVE him and that he is so awesome and has such a great personality. Because if he didn’t have those qualities, he’d have been gone long ago.
Said cat has now started peeing on the basement floor. It started off sporadically but has now turned in to somewhat of an everyday occurrence. I know this is a sign of a UTI, but given his history with bowel movements, I’m afraid it’s behavioural. And if it is behavioural, Dave has made it very clear that the cat has to go. Which I hate, but reluctantly agree with.
We go to the vets on Tuesday, which gives me enough time to collect a urine sample. Is it bad that I am hoping it’s a UTI?
*Sigh*
July 11th, 2008 at 2:46 pm
Should I make a blog post about you? I totally will if it will help.
Out of curiosity, how did you end up with a dress that’s too small?
Miss Ann Thropes last blog post..My toes are chilly
July 11th, 2008 at 2:59 pm
Hey doll,
Kyra’s got some good advice — listen to her. I personally find that strength training really helps with the inches much more so than the cardio… just my two cents. (Pilates, as I recall was awesome for inches lost. It really flattens your belly.)
Recent study showed that journaling what you eat makes a big difference to weight loss.
I’d offer advice there are much better sources.:) You’re a runner you can so do this.
Nats last blog post..Up here so high the boughs the break…
July 11th, 2008 at 3:09 pm
Weight lifting and one fatty snack a day, cheese or nuts, always worked to jump start things for me. Good luck, I can’t imagine the pressure of a too-tight dress.
July 12th, 2008 at 2:23 am
Not really into the ass-kicking methodology, BUT, my devil horns are sharpened and for ms. Sugarpants I’m throwing all caution to the wind here… I am going to break all of my own rules here on food, and moderation, and exercise, and devotion to my body as a temple, and tell you a hack that actually works for short term losses. . .All safe, but a REALLY BAD idea for the long term….Here goes:
Promise yourself that for exactly one hour on the weekend, no more, no less, you will allow yourself to eat as much crap food as you can possibly cram into your body. Ice cream, Rollo Cones, pizza, McRibs, whatever your vice is. The catch is you CANNOT indulge in them any other time outside of that one hour window. Every time you’re tempted, remember that at 2PM on Saturday, that box of crapola with a side of 5 lbs of sugar is All Yours, but not until then shall such things pass between the teeth and gums. The promise that you can pig out for a WHOLE hour on as much crap as you can eat will get you through those cravings.
(The reason this works is obvious…after 4 slices of pizza and a 1/2 gallon of ice cream, well, you really can’t eat much more because you feel quite ill. And you can only do so much damage in an hour.)
Wow. I think I must be drunk. What am I saying??? Me being Mr. “Real Food in Moderation?” This is nowhere NEAR my recommended path, (I feel so….Wrong…but it feels so…right…), But, with a 6-week window, you gotta get creative.
And I can tell ya. It works. But only for a while. And you may need a better dental plan when you’re finished. 
(Wow, what a supremely bad idea. :))
July 12th, 2008 at 6:12 am
Miss Britt - well you do have a point. Give up smoking NOW and I promise to keep away from ice cream!
Amy - I have no idea what Maker’s Mark is…alcohol? I’ve sworn off alcohol for the rest of the summer except for at my brother’s stag & doe.
Lisa - really? That’s AWESOME! Also, you suck at kicking ass. Ha ha…
Kat - I think that is fairly common - I also justify eating badly with “well I did a, b, c today…”
Mamatulip - I really dislike cats, so my automatic answer is get rid of it. He must have one hell of a personality!
Miss Ann - noooooo blog posts about me… no no no no…(shaking)
The dress was ordered without my permission. My sister in law was more concerned with making sure it got here for her own nerves than letting me order it myself at the beginning of August as we had originally planned. However - what’s done is done. After booking my trainer for our last 4 sessions yesterday and coming up with a meal plan and exercise dates, I’m certain my husband and trainer will help me kick my ass. The only thing I’m worried about is my own body failing me. I feel an enormous amount of pressure on this and while I know it’s only a dress, it just would be so embarrassing if I couldn’t pull it off.
Nat - Kyra is AWESOME. I went to find that book yesterday and it was $30. I couldn’t justify it - I’ll check the library but the premise of the book was simple - eat 6 small meals a day and move your ass, including strength training - which I’m already doing. I’m going to add pilates too.
Amanda - thank you!
Metroknow - it made me feel sick to read that. Thank you but I don’t think I’ll be doing that one. Yeesh!
July 12th, 2008 at 6:27 am
perhaps a food plan like nutrisystem for a month, plus the exercise, would help. hell, in one month i dropped 15 pounds on nutrisystem without upping my couch potato status, so i am sure you could pull it off.
good luck, pretty lady!
oh, and bride almost deserves for your dress not to fit. stupid ordering for you. what was she thinking??
hello haha narfs last blog post..Thankfully You Will Tell Me Your Suggestions…
July 12th, 2008 at 8:22 am
Get some fresh lemons and/or limes and a pitcher or other fridge-friendly liquid-type container with a lid. Cut one of the preferred citrus fruit into 1/4 inch rounds, deposit said rounds into the previously mentioned liquid-type container, fill same with (hot) water, and chill. Have a glass every time you want an ice cream. Tastes good and is good for you!
(Yuu kin du eeet1)
July 12th, 2008 at 8:24 am
Also, never eat after 8 PM.
July 12th, 2008 at 8:27 am
And ladies, muscle weighs more than fat, so quit obsessing over the scale!
July 12th, 2008 at 10:17 am
Sugarpants - relax! Don’t stress yourself out so much. You know the rules, you know the goal and you can TOTALLY do this. Instead of thinking about all you’re giving up, think about how good this is going to feel on your body! I hate to see people obsess over this stuff. Can I tell you (and I should know) you are BEAUTIFUL. As is. The dress? See a tailor.
I LURRVV you!!!
Double Agent Girls last blog post..Three Shirts DO NOT Equal One Bra
July 12th, 2008 at 4:49 pm
OK, I don’t know you, so I hope you’re not weirded out by my giving weight loss advice in a blog comment, AND, I’m not a doctor, BUT… Several people that I know have lost pounds and inches (and I mean dramatically in some cases) with phentermine and B12. You have to find a doctor who does it, sometimes your GP or Gyno will, but it works and fast. Just a tip, good luck!
Jennifers last blog post..In Your Face Gymboree
July 12th, 2008 at 6:31 pm
Wouldn’t it be great to have Jillian Michaels live next door?
Teena in Torontos last blog post..Camera Critters
July 17th, 2008 at 5:03 pm
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