Where Oh Where Did Sarcastica Go?
It’s the question I’m getting emailed about all day. My cousin Jessica, a.k.a. Sarcastica has changed hosting with me from Swank to Bluehost. She was getting too traffic-ky for her own good and so we decided to go big or go home. The switch is happening tonight so hang tight and your favorite teenager will be back at her own domain in no time.
There could be a number of other reasons Jessica isn’t blogging though:
- she was abducted by aliens and is now being probed for brain matter (highly unlikely)
- Matt asked her to marry him and they’ve eloped (My Aunt just passed out)
- she ran away to be with her kind: the circus
- Avitable has kidnapped her and is hiding her under his bed (probable)
- she is drunk and passed out in a face full of cow pattie.
That last one might actually be possible. I’m no comedian, especially after a day of moving blogs so forgive me for the lame post about my not-so-lame cousin. Feel free to make up more excuses as to why Jessica is not blogging.
EDIT: turns out the domain transfer is taking way longer than anticipated. Jess should have her site back within the next 72 hours though. It’s a glitch with the hosting registrars fighting over her. Who can blame them? Look at that face!
Posted by Karen Sugarpants @
11:15 am |
Things I Should Feel More Grateful Than Guilty About
- Being able to run, lift weights, walk, bike and play softball;
- Having healthy kids;
- Having a husband who is my teammate, my soulmate, and keeps me wrapped in a loving relationship that I know is forever;
- Having a home - a warm, cozy home (it’s on the market, but it’s still our home);
- Being able to afford healthy food, a gym membership, a trainer, extracurricular activities for our family;
- Working at jobs that I love, jobs that allow me the opportunity to stay home with my kids;
- That my husband goes out to work every day and provides for our family - and that he comes home only to take care of things while I go to the gym most nights;
- That my boys are turning out to be people I am proud of - people of substance - people who go to bat for others and are sweet and kind.
There are a million things I am grateful for. SO. MANY. THINGS. And I’m not bragging here. Sometimes I step back and look at this busy life and revel in the beauty of what fortune we have.
Some of it is so simple. I’m thankful for the colour of my eyes, for the plants poking through the dirt in my gardens, for milk in the fridge and a full jar of peanut butter. I’m thankful my oldest stood up for a kid at school, that my youngest wrote T’s all last week and they actually look like T’s today because he’s learning to write with a marker. That both boys know to say please and thank you, and act like gentlemen and like circus monkeys when the times call for either.
I read your blogs or catch you on Twitter. I want so much for everyone to have less worry. I know there are some who worry about their child’s behaviours, about their own health, about the future and it’s uncertainty. I’ve read as some of you have shared painful things and was ever so grateful when I did the same and you lifted me up when I needed you.
Things are really good now, as you see. The Sugarpants Family is happy, healthy and safe. We have plans in place to build our dream home and we’re living a life that yes, we have worked hard for, but we do appreciate everything going on in our lives.
No, it’s not perfect, but damn near. Yet I have this nagging guilt in telling you all this. I kind of feel like an asshole. Because I know things aren’t perfect (or even close) for some of my blog friends. Oh how I wish that they were though.
Why do I feel so guilty for telling you that things are good? I had no problem dishing when things were bad. Weird how that is, eh?
Well there it all is. What are you grateful for? Do you feel guilty about any of it or am I just a freak of nature?
Posted by Karen Sugarpants @
3:27 am |
Married At Age 3
Thomas is in looooove with the little girl across the street. And why not? She’s adorable, sweet and makes him laugh. Her parents are friends of ours and even though Little B has three big brothers and a protective father, that doesn’t stop him from telling the world he is going to marry her, have babies with her, get a dog, and live in his room with his new family.
Nevermind that he’s 3 and a half. Nevermind that he wants to procreate in my house. He is determined to marry Little B and that is that.
Erm….
Last night we went to get the kids some clothes for my cousins’ wedding tomorrow, and Daren and I were debating what the kids should wear. We pulled into the Sears parking lot and Thomas piped up, “Can *I* come to the wedding?”
“Of course!” Daren and I chimed, “We’re all going to the wedding!”
“Yay!” Thomas yelled. He paused for a second once he jumped out of the car, then looked up at me.
“What about my wife?”
I laughed. “Your wife?”
“Yeah Little B and I are gonna have a wedding. Can she come to this wedding?”
“Uh buddy, the wedding is for Shanno and Salsa (what he called my cousin and her husband-to-be when he was 2), it’s not for you and Little B. You’re not old enough to get married yet.”
“Oh. Well when I am growed up I will marry her. And you can come.”
I took his hand and thanked him for the invitation to his future wedding. It was hard not to notice how big his hands already were. Didn’t I just have him like, yesterday?
Posted by Karen Sugarpants @
7:39 pm |
Crackalackin’
Yesterday we had a mid-day showing on the house so Thomas and I bundled up and took the dogs for a walk.
It was mucky and beneath the snow melting was a considerable amount of trash strewn throughout our neighbourhood. The wind often picks up people’s recycling and carries it down the street, and of course the neighbourhood kids don’t help with their tossing of juice boxes and wrappers.
Who litters anymore? When I was a kid, we were taught not to litter but it seems some kids still do it.
As we rounded the corner to head home for the 3rd time (the showing took longer than I anticipated), it wasn’t surprising to see one of my neighbours, bent down, picking up trash and bagging it. She was about my age, I think.
Thomas stared at her as we walked by. In the middle of his neverending narrative, he pronounced, “Hey! I can see that lady’s BUTT!”
(more…)
Posted by Karen Sugarpants @
8:12 am |
Overheard At Chez Sugarpants (In The Last 5 Minutes)
“She will eat all of Mr. Potato Head’s parts! Clean up the toys - your childhood is over. Thank Mylie.”
“Ruffy is just breathing hard in my ear.”
“But I WIKE the taste of Mylie’s tongue Mom!”
“MYLIE IS CHEWING MRS. POTATO HEAD’S FEET!”
Posted by Karen Sugarpants @
5:39 pm |
Why I Don’t Blog Every Damn Day
I was just talking to Karl on emails. (I’m working on a new blog design for him) and he said I do “plenty.”
I thought about that for a minute.
This morning, I got up, fed the kids, checked email, posted one celeb story, got dressed, dressed kids, took them to the Children’s Museum, got groceries, came home, had 4 more kids over for a playdate while I cooked dinner, took dinner off the stove to run the oldest to hockey practice, came home, finished dinner, made a healthy tuna pasta salad for myself for the week, cleaned up, bathed the youngest, walked the dogs, read to the youngest, tucked him in, made the older one shower, gave him a kiss with some cough medicine, worked some more on celebrity stories by claiming some to post in the morning, and now it’s 1 a.m.
SugarHubs needs to step up the choreplay.
I still have to answer Swank client queries, and finish two layouts.
I’m starting a 2nd writing gig in the next couple of weeks.
I have 8 ideas ready for blogging here and a bunch of entries from the old blog to bring over here.
Guess which thing won’t get done?
That’s right, my sewing. Sorry Nancy.
Looks like Nancy’s been sniffing the sewing machine oil. You know, if there is such a thing. (I have NO IDEA.)
You’d think that if Girlfriend wrote a book on sewing, she wouldn’t be wearing her Uncle Archie’s super snazzy suit jacket. Is that duct tape she’s holding? If so, she’s got my number. That’s about ALL I have time for. As I told the kids this morning before loading them in the car and taping their mouths shut:
“Silence is Golden, and Duct Tape is Silver.”
Posted by Karen Sugarpants @
12:08 am |
Every Time Another Snowflake Falls From The Sky, I Die a Little Inside
Dear snow,
You’re killing me. I mean really - it’s MARCH. March means in like a lion, out like a lamb. I know it’s only the 8th but your deadline for “in like a lion” ended at least 5 days ago.
Also, we have a baby niece literally on the way as I type this and we need the highway clear enough that we can go see her!
Love,
Karen
Posted by Karen Sugarpants @
4:19 pm |
I Only Have Time For a Quickie
Forgive the verbal diarrhea but I only have 10 minutes to write this, and if you have a toilet to clean or eyebrows to pluck, by all means go do that rather than sit through this crap.
Daren had a poker night this past Saturday so the kids and I trekked out to my childhood best friend’s house for an overnight where we drank a couple of Coronas with lime over homemade soft tacos and laughter, and balked at the 8 foot snowbanks outside her house. Yeah, welcome to Canada where we celebrate Mexico inside during March. It was a blast and the kids (her two boys and my two boys) had a blast on the Wii, which we brought with us.
Yesterday we drove home to the sounds of Game Boy from the backseat as I nursed a bit of a stomach bug and tried not to puke on myself on the 401. High speeds and vomit probably don’t mix well when you’re the driver.
Today I had plans to hit the gym but the phone rang. Daren’s Gramma broke her wrist some weeks ago and since the cast came off, her thumb has been numb, so she needed to go to urgent care as per her doctor’s office because her doctor is away. Thomas and I took her and waited hours in several waiting rooms (I actually debated paying the receptionist $40 bucks to have her seen ahead of everyone else seeing as there were over 100 people in the “Hand and Upper Limb Centre”)
An aside: WTF is a “Hand and Upper Limb Centre?” Upper Limb = Arms, no? Hi, I’m here to get my “upper limb” x-rayed? Holy hell I wish I had a camera phone for that sign.
Anyway, poor Gramma has to see a specialist after all that and has an appointment for a different day.
So this afternoon, Thomas, Gramma and I are going to my sister-in-law’s. You know, the one that is pregnant that you gave all the good advice to? Yeah her. Her hubs is away so us ladies + Thomas are going to totally look after her and pray to God she doesn’t go into labour on our watch because me + 89 year old Gramma + 3 year old looking after 9.5 month preggo sister-in-law who could possibly have the baby at any moment?
Cross your fingers for us, people. And um, your legs too.
Posted by Karen Sugarpants @
3:33 pm |
I Wish I Had a Camera Right Now
Tonight has been a comedy of errors. SugarHubs is out of town tonight, and has come in 1st in a poker tournament where he won a $600 coin which is a ‘buy-in’ for a larger tournament at the end of March. This ‘buy in’ affords him the chance to play against 124 other guys for a quarter of a million dollars. Totally cool, I know.
But I’m here. With two kids and two dogs.
The SugarSpawn had been sprinting from one extreme (playing loudly and screaming) to the other (fighting loudly and whining) and back again since the after school hour. They barely sat still for the dinner I made, starting by gobbling so fast and exclaiming how good it was to 4 seconds later of “We’re full, can we play Wii?”
At least Dylan read to Thomas tonight. The peace lasted long enough for MiniDog Miley to inhale a furball and choke on it. And choke and choke and choke on it.
I kept scooping up the dry heaving pup and transferring her from carpet to tile in the rec room, hoping for a positive outcome and gagging the whole time. Nothing was coming up but the noise made me really queasy.
You wish you were me at this point, right?
While shuttling The Pukey Little Puppy across the room, I lost sight of my sanity and allowed the offspring to get a little rowdy. Next thing I know they’re wound like little freakshows for the 47th time and I’m wishing I could pick them up by their heads and let their bodies jiggle below them like our characters on the Wii.
I snap out of my parenting fantasy as the MiniDog heaves up the most disgusting mound of GOD-KNOWS-WHAT on the carpet. Ugh.
Out of the corner of my eye, I spot Thomas smack Dylan and just as quickly, Dylan smacks Thomas’ backside.
I glared at them both. “BED.”
“But he…”
“WE. DON’T HIT. IN. THIS. HOUSE. BED. NOW.”
Thomas was already up the stairs and gone and Dylan started to protest more only to be met with, “BED. DYLAN. NOW.”
He pounded up the stairs like a 15 year old girl. Sigh.
Yes I speak in staccato when I’m frustrated. If I don’t, I turn into the unlikable Yelly Mom. You might have heard of her.
Alone in the rec room, with puppy under my arm and a curious horse (Ruffy) sniffing the air, I crate the dogs so I can clean up.
*gag* *gag* *gag* *I wish I had a HAZMAT suit. *gag* *gag* *gag*
Feeling like I (desperately) need cool air on my face, I take the dogs out front for some fresh air. There’s more snow in the sky than oxygen, but the kids are in bed and it’s only 7:50. That’s kinda good. It’s peaceful outside as the snow falls in big fat flakes on my jacket and mitts.
I love the quiet of a new snowfall and tonight is no exception. It’s lovely.
Inside, back to Calm Mama, I kiss the kids goodnight and head downstairs.
I curl up in the recliner with my laptop and MiniDog jumps on to the footrest. She gently paws at my legs so I’ll open them, crawls between my knees and sticks her head under the laptop.
Yes, right into my crotch. She’s been sleeping there for 3 hours.
That’s why I wish I had a camera. Nothing would top this evening better if I could take a picture of my warm crotch for you.
Posted by Karen Sugarpants @
1:37 am |
Hey Mommies, May I Pick Your Brains?
EDIT: Contest closes Wednesday, February 13th at Midnight, E.S.T.
My sister-in-law is about to have her first baby (a girl - yay!) and while she is very well read, and an intelligent woman with lots of support, I thought it would be cool to give her some advice the books don’t offer.
I was pretty honest with her about the first 3 weeks of breastfeeding being a challenge: the pain, the secret of nipple cream, and the fact that baby and mom are both in a learning curve. I told her the cotton, washable breast pads win out over the disposable ones that shift and keep the nipple too moist, inviting moisture.
I told her about Parent Hacks. (Hi Asha!)
Not wanting to overwhelm her with bossy tidbits that helped, I thought it would be cool if instead you shared some of your best tips.
As an incentive to you, I am going to give away $50 via Paypal to a random tipper.
The Rules? One tip per comment, enter as many times as you like. Now go forth and comment!
Posted by Karen Sugarpants @
11:32 pm |
