Pulling The Stinger Out
I have kind of a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach about writing this, but I’m forging ahead anyway.
When you first start mommyblogging, it’s like dating - you’re on your best behaviour, writing what you think is entertaining in one way or another, whether it be about the delicate balance of being a mother, or mommy guilt, or funny things your toddler said. People relate to what you’re putting out there, and they comment. You feel the same way and comment back on their blog. At least, that’s how it was for me when I started in 2005. (My archives will be put up here when I get some time to do it.)
It’s a wonderful community and I would be lost without it some days.
Then you get a little more comfortable, maybe meet some other mommybloggers, think you you know them, but the truth is, they are just putting their best side out there too. That’s okay though, it’s natural for us to do this, I think. We want readers and comments, after all. We want people to like us and care about us the same way we care about them. Most people are good, after all, and these women are trustworthy and just as scared and doubtful about their decisions as you are.
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Posted by Karen Sugarpants @
12:32 am |
Why I Don’t Blog Every Damn Day
I was just talking to Karl on emails. (I’m working on a new blog design for him) and he said I do “plenty.”
I thought about that for a minute.
This morning, I got up, fed the kids, checked email, posted one celeb story, got dressed, dressed kids, took them to the Children’s Museum, got groceries, came home, had 4 more kids over for a playdate while I cooked dinner, took dinner off the stove to run the oldest to hockey practice, came home, finished dinner, made a healthy tuna pasta salad for myself for the week, cleaned up, bathed the youngest, walked the dogs, read to the youngest, tucked him in, made the older one shower, gave him a kiss with some cough medicine, worked some more on celebrity stories by claiming some to post in the morning, and now it’s 1 a.m.
SugarHubs needs to step up the choreplay.
I still have to answer Swank client queries, and finish two layouts.
I’m starting a 2nd writing gig in the next couple of weeks.
I have 8 ideas ready for blogging here and a bunch of entries from the old blog to bring over here.
Guess which thing won’t get done?
That’s right, my sewing. Sorry Nancy.
Looks like Nancy’s been sniffing the sewing machine oil. You know, if there is such a thing. (I have NO IDEA.)
You’d think that if Girlfriend wrote a book on sewing, she wouldn’t be wearing her Uncle Archie’s super snazzy suit jacket. Is that duct tape she’s holding? If so, she’s got my number. That’s about ALL I have time for. As I told the kids this morning before loading them in the car and taping their mouths shut:
“Silence is Golden, and Duct Tape is Silver.”
Posted by Karen Sugarpants @
12:08 am |
It’s NEVER Enough, and Then You DIE
Hold on to your hats people, I’m PMSing fierce and I’m teetering between slight anger and sadness. So if you feel like listening to me whine, stick around. (And thanks in advance.)
Forgive the bullet points too, it’s a blog, not a freaking novel.
1. The people that were going to buy our house have backed out. Spring is coming. More showings, more stress, more tripping on my kids to keep things perfect in case we get called at the last minute. We have not been able to relax in our home since last August. Add to that the drop in the market and the fact that SugarHubs will not budge on price, despite the feedback from previous walkthroughs who did not offer to buy this house.
My PMS take:
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Posted by Karen Sugarpants @
12:28 am |
Censored
Avitable wrote this post of ten things he wishes he could say (or should say) to people, and it got me thinking…
What do you wish you could say to someone?
Here’s mine:
1 ) If you could see what you have created through sober eyes, you’d be very proud.
2 ) You need to take responsibility for your actions and stop blaming others.
3 ) If you weren’t so freaking angry at the little things, you might see the amazing big things around you.
4 ) You need to appreciate your husband more. He loves you more than life and you treat him like total shit.
5 ) You are way too hard on your kids and I can see the pain in their eyes when you talk to them that way. I know you mean well, but they are so young.
6 ) You come off really creepy.
7 ) You expect too much from your friends and the reason they don’t come through for you is because you get angry that they don’t drop everything for you. Yet, when they need you? You’re not available. It works both ways.
8 ) Your kids are obnoxious and rude and I like you, but I CAN’T STAND THEM.
9 ) I can’t believe you’re so intelligent and sweet, and associate yourself with someone so narrow-minded and mean.
10 ) I love you and miss you SO much. I hope you are okay.
So what do you wish YOU could say?
Posted by Karen Sugarpants @
4:43 pm |
I Wish I Had a Camera Right Now
Tonight has been a comedy of errors. SugarHubs is out of town tonight, and has come in 1st in a poker tournament where he won a $600 coin which is a ‘buy-in’ for a larger tournament at the end of March. This ‘buy in’ affords him the chance to play against 124 other guys for a quarter of a million dollars. Totally cool, I know.
But I’m here. With two kids and two dogs.
The SugarSpawn had been sprinting from one extreme (playing loudly and screaming) to the other (fighting loudly and whining) and back again since the after school hour. They barely sat still for the dinner I made, starting by gobbling so fast and exclaiming how good it was to 4 seconds later of “We’re full, can we play Wii?”
At least Dylan read to Thomas tonight. The peace lasted long enough for MiniDog Miley to inhale a furball and choke on it. And choke and choke and choke on it.
I kept scooping up the dry heaving pup and transferring her from carpet to tile in the rec room, hoping for a positive outcome and gagging the whole time. Nothing was coming up but the noise made me really queasy.
You wish you were me at this point, right?
While shuttling The Pukey Little Puppy across the room, I lost sight of my sanity and allowed the offspring to get a little rowdy. Next thing I know they’re wound like little freakshows for the 47th time and I’m wishing I could pick them up by their heads and let their bodies jiggle below them like our characters on the Wii.
I snap out of my parenting fantasy as the MiniDog heaves up the most disgusting mound of GOD-KNOWS-WHAT on the carpet. Ugh.
Out of the corner of my eye, I spot Thomas smack Dylan and just as quickly, Dylan smacks Thomas’ backside.
I glared at them both. “BED.”
“But he…”
“WE. DON’T HIT. IN. THIS. HOUSE. BED. NOW.”
Thomas was already up the stairs and gone and Dylan started to protest more only to be met with, “BED. DYLAN. NOW.”
He pounded up the stairs like a 15 year old girl. Sigh.
Yes I speak in staccato when I’m frustrated. If I don’t, I turn into the unlikable Yelly Mom. You might have heard of her.
Alone in the rec room, with puppy under my arm and a curious horse (Ruffy) sniffing the air, I crate the dogs so I can clean up.
*gag* *gag* *gag* *I wish I had a HAZMAT suit. *gag* *gag* *gag*
Feeling like I (desperately) need cool air on my face, I take the dogs out front for some fresh air. There’s more snow in the sky than oxygen, but the kids are in bed and it’s only 7:50. That’s kinda good. It’s peaceful outside as the snow falls in big fat flakes on my jacket and mitts.
I love the quiet of a new snowfall and tonight is no exception. It’s lovely.
Inside, back to Calm Mama, I kiss the kids goodnight and head downstairs.
I curl up in the recliner with my laptop and MiniDog jumps on to the footrest. She gently paws at my legs so I’ll open them, crawls between my knees and sticks her head under the laptop.
Yes, right into my crotch. She’s been sleeping there for 3 hours.
That’s why I wish I had a camera. Nothing would top this evening better if I could take a picture of my warm crotch for you.
Posted by Karen Sugarpants @
1:37 am |
Is This Even Healthy?
Trying to multi-task like crazy today, I made a blended shake that should give me everything I need:
- 1 cup of milk
- 4 ice cubes
- a scoop of vanilla protein powder
- a dollop of peanut butter
- a smidge of chocolate syrup
- a large banana
- a couple of spoons of that fibre crap
The taste isn’t too bad, I guess. I’m just trying to ensure I get my protein and fibre while minimizing the fat content, blah blah blah.
Trust me, the peanut butter and chocolate syrup were both necessary. If I wanted to really punish myself, I’d just blend up some drywall.
Did you see that? What was that?
Ohhhh it was the weekend whooshing by. This past weekend was insanity.
I worked like a total dog last week and Friday night could not have come soon enough. Daren took me to The Keg for dinner and then to see Juno, which was awesome. Ellen Page was wonderful and she’s Canadian! The step-mother in the movie totally cracked us up, especially when she tells off the ultrasound technician.
Saturday we cleaned and shopped and cooked up a storm for Daren’s Grandma’s 89th birthday. We had his whole family over and we gave Grandma The Time Traveler’s Wife and Water For Elephants, as per your recommendations. I bought the latter for myself a while ago but haven’t started it yet. Daren made stuffed chicken breasts but since his Grandma doesn’t like mushrooms, he made one for her without them and then forgot which one it was and practically had to take the butcher’s twine off every one.
Yesterday was triple-insane.
Yesterday I had an appointment with my trainer. I started going to the gym again January 29th after they kissed my butt and gave me 6 free trainer sessions on top of the 6 they owed me.
Sweet! I lost 4 pounds.
I had to rush home from there and do my hair and make-up for my sister-in-laws baby shower. It was a lovely shower and she got some of the coolest things - just since Thomas was born there’s new stuff that has been invented, like this Boon bath toy holder and Hotsling. Shopping for a baby girl was so much fun though. I went kinda practical and bought her stuff like baby wash, baby lotion, gripe water and nipple cream, a bunch of pink clothes and put them all in a magazine rack that has a handle so she can fill the rack with diapers and wipes to keep downstairs with her rather than running the stairs with the baby every half hour to change fifty bazillion diapers.
After the shower, as we went to leave, I couldn’t find my boots. My favorite, Nine West, gorgeous black leather ankle boots were missing. Strangely, there was a similar pair there and lo and behold, we tracked mine down hours later. A friend of a friend of family had worn mine home instead of her own. I don’t even know how that happens. We’re at least a size apart too - her boots were larger than mine. If mine come back stretched, I’m not going to be happy.
We went back to Daren’s parents place for Superbowl and had so much fun just visiting and hanging out with friends and family. It was a really good weekend but boy it went fast.
Still no word on the buyers selling their house. They have until February 8th and if it doesn’t sell by then, we’ll give them an extension. That is, if they don’t back out. I’m getting really frustrated with this whole situation and driving Daren mental. I just want to get on with our lives already! We’ve settled on a plan for the house now, got our lot…and so we wait.
Posted by Karen Sugarpants @
12:39 pm |
Here’s the Story…of a Lovely Lady…
As I told you before, Neil is a God started this Great Interview Experiment and I got to interview the lovely and charming Karl.
Schmutzie, (who is up for a Bloggie - GO VOTE and come back!) was stuck with me. I admire Schmutzie very much.
Let’s get going here:
Firstly, I want to introduce you. What weblog entries best work to describe Karen Sugarpants?
I haven’t been blogging here very long, after taking a hiatus from my old blog, Troll-Baby.com. I had a nervous breakdown last year and blogged the entire thing. I wasn’t speaking in British accents and skipping court or anything, but I sure lost a lot of friends by being a general abrasive bitch, and stirred up debate just to be a shit.
With friends who stuck by me (even some who didn’t realize the impact of a short email) and a rock of a husband, I managed to get out of the black hole I was in and I’m healing quite well.
Sugarpants was created to be a light, fun place that I could still be me, but without all the angst. I’m finding that I enjoy blogging a lot more now that I’m not putting as much of me out there to be criticized. Having said that, I’m picking and choosing entries from the old blog to bring over - from times that I was proud of my writing, from the Parentless crew, and entries that just make me laugh. Oh and I killed Vodkarella. She was a wanker.
I still have my moments of stressed-out wackedness but I try to keep it light and airy. Especially with what’s been going on with the sale of our house since forever.
You have an incredibly active internet life. As well as running your weblog, Karen Sugarpants, you are a staff writer at FameCrawler and a web designer at Swank Web Style Design Studio. Is this your chosen career path, or are you an accidental tourist?
I’ve been on the net for about 10 years and once upon a time I had one of those free web pages with my oldest’s ultrasound pictures and such. While on maternity leave with Dylan (my 9 year old), I taught myself Photoshop. Over the years I’ve switched over to Corel’s Paint Shop Pro. I worked outside the home in the print industry from when Dylan was 10 months old, until a layoff when he was about 4. In that short time I went up the ladder so quickly, I was making $70 grand a year at 28 years old. Despite the high salary, SugarHubs and I did a little kitchen math and decided I would stay home and we would try to get pregnant again.
One thing about me is that I can’t sit still. I HAVE to work. So I started a daycare. During that time, SugarHubs and I struggled to get pregnant. I went on Clomid and turned into somebody completely different. It was awful - crying, anger, collapsing into tears again… I don’t know how our marriage survived that. Daren is a SAINT.
After Thomas was born, I started Troll Baby (the blog) while dealing with PPD. I also picked up the graphics again, and started Troll Baby Graphics in 2005. TBG took off like a shot and back then I did blog designs for $75. Now we charge just under that per hour! I joined Swank about a year ago and haven’t looked back. I love my job.
The Famecrawler gig came by accident. I was IM’ing with Stefania and she casually asked me if I wanted a job. I gratefully took tips from Mir and Chris at Droolicious and worked with them for a couple of months before requesting to work at Famecrawler, which I found more interesting to me. Over there, Sassy (one of my best friends), Whit, Marsha, Catherine and I have a lot of fun blogging about celebrity parents and their children.
What internet tools do you use most often? Which tool is your favourite, and why?
Firefox is my one and only browser and it pains me to open IE to test designs for Leslie, my Coding Goddess. Leslie joined Swank this month to be a designer and my go-to woman for html/css coding. We make a great team and I loves her.
Wordpress for blogging. I recommend it to all my clients too and have converted so many clients who all fell in love with it.
Twitter for when I need to vent, link to something of interest, “hang out” with all my Twitter buds, or just catch up on the going-ons of the internet. One guy I’ve discovered on Twitter makes a good living blogging about blogging. I find him and his writing fascinating and now stalk him daily. He’s absolutely brilliant. You may have heard of him: Darren Rowse of Problogger? Great guy. Great blog. Great tips. Darren, that cheque is in the mail, right?
Bloglines - call me old school, but Google Reader never did it for me.
Trillian: Messenger for all formats: MSN, Yahoo, AIM…
Offline: Corel Paint Shop Pro, Smart FTP, The Font Thing (to keep track of over 9000+ fonts)
What did you do for your first paycheque? How did receiving that first paycheque affect you?
My very first paycheque? Geez, I was 14 and worked at the local library as a “Student Page.” I re-filed books, and I remember coming home one day and telling my mother that I’d learned the new process of bringing the books back into the library system. “I learned how to discharge books today Mom!”
“That must have hurt,” she said. Ba-dum-bum.
Knowing my mother, I probably had to bank my paycheques. Honestly, I can’t remember!
Have you found it difficult to balance being a partner, a mother, a web designer, a writer, and now a dog owner* under one roof? If you have found a good balance, how did you do it? There’s more than a few of us who could use some pointers if you have any.
It can be difficult, especially when your house is on the market and you have to keep it clean and get kicked out all the time! Some things that help me include:
- The Husband - he takes over when I have insane amounts of work to do.
- I keep a general schedule: Famecrawler in the morning, design all day, family at night. Once the kids are in bed, I get back on to design if the hubs is sleeping on the couch anyway. I try to get to bed by 11, since we’re up at 6:30.
- Coffee.
- Know when to shut it off.
- As for housework and kid/dog duties, it helps me to be interrupted. That way, if I have to get up to let the dog out or get a kid a snack, I’m up and I’ll reboot the laundry or throw dishes in the dishwasher. I’m constantly doing something different - so much so, I may have ADD. 
- Take care of yourself in terms of sleep, exercise and nutrition.
- Drink lots of water.
- Read before bed and make yourself go to bed!
- The work will still be there tomorrow.
- Choose your battles: “Is it going to matter in 10 years?” If not, stop sweating it.
*Not new to the dog owning, but Mylie sure is a spaz. Ruffy is enjoying all the new attention, that’s for sure:
Show me your workspace where you work all your internet goodness. Do you have a haphazard arrangement of a big armchair and a teatray as a laptop support like I do, or are you all grown up with a desk and a chair with wheels?
I do the Famecrawler gig in a big brown recliner with the laptop, often with Mylie snuggled up to the laptop fan.
Design work is done here (click to enlarge):
In light of the SugarRecipes section on your website, I take it that you are a bit of a foodie. What is your favourite food and your strongest memory attached to it?
Oh that reminds me I have more to add to that section. Trouble is, I keep forgetting to take pictures while cooking!
To answer your question, my favourite food memory-wise is Thai Food. With the nervous breakdown, I also had a lot of trouble eating, as I was starving myself. It was an anorexic relapse, basically. Thai Food from the local joint was the only thing I’d really enjoy and I watched Daren’s face as he encouraged me to get better by eating “something - anything.” His love for me is what really pulled me through and those nights of Pad Thai and loving glances lifted me up.
Do you love where you live? If you could, where would you choose to put down roots?
I don’t love the house we live in. Well the house is fine but it has a tiny strip of backyard, and two larger side yards, surrounded by chain-link fence. I long for a real backyard our family can enjoy. We’re slowly moving towards that. This house has been on the market on and off since last August and the property line is what has been shying buyers away. We’ve picked the new lot in a smaller town nearby, and if all goes well, we should be in our newly built home by the summer.
The new town is a hockey town, complete with the school we want for our children, a community that is welcoming and friendly and it’s convenient for Daren’s work. I can’t wait.
What is your favourite spot on planet Earth? A fort from your childhood, a vacation destination, a room in your house?
My favorite place is home. I love to be home. We have such a nest here of love and warmth, there’s no place I’d rather be. Daren built a family room last year and it has everything for us. We enjoy a ton of family time down here.
What is the best thing about you that makes you shine?
Oh gosh. I just don’t know. I mean, I’m a good mother, a teammate to my husband, and my family comes first. I think despite a few bumps in the last year or so, I’m a good person and certainly have a creative side that I’m proud of.
Thanks Schmutzie, Neil and Karl!
Posted by Karen Sugarpants @
12:54 pm |
Mini Complaint Letters & A Record Album
The Lovely and Hysterically Funny Shash tagged me and when Shash tags you, you jump.
Here are the rules:
- Link to the person that tagged you.
- Post the rules on your blog.
- Share six non-important things about yourself.
- Tag six random people at the end of your post by linking to their blogs.
- Let each random person know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their website.
Six Things Mini Complaint Letters I Will Never Send
- Dear Toronto Star: I don’t LIVE in (or anywhere NEAR) Toronto and do not want your newspaper. I’ve asked to be removed from your telemarketing list 10+ times!
- Dear East Side Marios: Your restaurant is filthy disgusting (literally grimy fake windows next to our booth) and our kids really loved the peeling paint coming off their triple mini-cone holders. Hope it wasn’t laden with LEAD.
- Dear Kraft: We will never buy your shredded cheddar again. We have just returned bag # 3 that was FILLED WITH MOLD. My best girlfriend across the country has had it happen to her twice too. Yuck.
- Dear Goodlife: Thanks for FINALLY CALLING. Thanks also for brushing off your craptastic ability to return emails and phone calls and get things done. The trainer who finally called me had NO idea what happened and that I’d already had 6 sessions. Also? She didn’t really give a crap. What are we at now? Week 13 since I first asked for a transfer?
- Dear Loblaws: Your produce is SUCKING. I know it’s winter but the discount supermarkets who don’t bag our crap have way better produce. Lower prices = higher turnover = better produce. Win win for me, sucka.
- Dear People Who Have an Offer on Our House: Please hurry up and sell yours. You have until February 8th to do so, but you’re making us close February 29th and with our busy schedule and the way the weekends fall, this means we have to secure a rental home and move by February 17th. NINE DAYS. I sure hope you don’t leave it to the last minute to sell yours.
Oh I’m TAGGING, so you better represent:
- Donna from SoCal Mom
- Britt from Miss Britt
- Hilly from Snackie’s World
- Karl from Secondhand Tryptophan
- Adam from Avitable
- Mr. Fab from Pointless Drivel
Because I’m extra-memetastic today and I’ve been really busy drawing monkeys for this lovely lady over the last 48 hours, I have to share this other meme I’ve seen everywhere, but most recently at Christina’s A Mommy Story:
Want to be a rockstar? I am:
Meh. More like an 18 year old emo kid or something. Start to become…familiar with black nail polish.
Want to be a rockstar, too? Follow these steps:
1. Click this link. The first title on this page is the name of your band.
2. Now click this link. The last four words of the very last quote is the name of your album. If it doesn’t work at all, click the “New Random Quotations” button for more.
3. And finally, click this link. The third picture on this page will be your album cover. Add your band name and album title, and you’re done! (Please remember to give credit for the original picture.)
Lots of people have played this one, so feel free if you’re bored - it’s kinda fun!
One last thing: My 18 year old cousin has been nominated for a Bloggie! She’s in the teen category - so vote for her! She is amazing, honest, and very creative. She’s been through a lot and has a good head on her shoulders. I’m so proud of her.
Posted by Karen Sugarpants @
8:21 pm |
Not So Much With The Sugarpants
One extended family member has been taking Benefibre and swears by it to get her system moving in such a way that she loses weight. Fiber keeps you full longer, is good for your digestive system and women need 25 grams of fibre a day (men need 35 grams).
I thought I’d give it a whoorl. No, not this Whoorl.
Well.
Let me tell YOU.
I thought this stuff might have me running to the bathroom 18 times a day, but no!
I thought I’d be wrought with the joy of adult diaper rash, but no!
I thought I would be Karen Poopypants. No! No! No!
The insert clearly states that “As with all fiber supplements the most common side effect of Benefibre® is flatulence.”
Let me tell you something about the lovely people who make Benefibre.
They. Don’t. Lie.
As I sit in the recliner at night, watching television or surfing on the laptop, I am grateful that my husband can sleep through anything. He often falls asleep while we watch t.v. and he’s out until I nudge him forcefully with my fist lovingly wake him to go up to bed.
As he lay all snoozalicious, sprawled out across our couch and ottoman, snoring like an elephant the last few nights, I was slowly suffocating the fabric and filler of this recliner.
These gaseous outbursts were not girly farts. They weren’t feminine squeaks, whispery oopsies or tiny pifters.
I have been farting like a quarterback. A sumo wrestler. A hot, molten, volcano. Well, sans lava.
I’ve induced seismic activity in Ontario that it’s never seen. We’ve used less heat and energy in this house, despite having a snowstorm. I’m doing nothing for the O-zone layer, but hey. One thing at a time.
Last night when I woke my couch elephant to go to bed, he sniffed the air as he stretched, and asked, “What’s that smell?”
Oh you KNOW I totally pointed at her:
Posted by Karen Sugarpants @
12:43 am |
Customer Service? Um, no.
Remember this letter to the gym? I think by then I was trying to get their attention without being a bitch about it. If I was witty, maybe they would remember me and fix the problem.
Well now I’m mad. I got a response from the gym FOUR DAYS after I sent the email. Granted, New Years was in there, but still. If I got that email when I got to work on January 2nd, I’d be responding right away, not January 3rd.
Whatever.
It was a one liner that told me they would fix it:
Hi Karen,
We definitely need to get you back on track! I will look into that for you and get back to asap.
Oh aweseome! I thought. I thought wrong. Here we are, TWO WEEKS later and NOTHING. Me thinks it’s time to get my money back. I wonder how their head office would feel if I told them? Well I didn’t. Oops - yes I did. Just forwarded them the email string.
Now, I’m giving them no outs to do anything but give me my money back (why should I wait any longer?):
Please refund my final 6 trainers sessions TODAY. I have called 5-6 times and written this long email to explain — it’s obvious that you guys can’t get it together. I tried to be nice about it but it’s been 10 weeks or so since I first switched over to your location and it’s been TWO WEEKS since you emailed me to tell me you would fix it.
Mail me any necessary paperwork TODAY. I am NOT happy whatsoever with the service. I will keep my membership and be in when I can - but the trainer sessions are a huge disappointment.
I don’t want a phone call, I don’t want to come in to sign anything - fix it TODAY.
Too bitchy? Overzealous with the caps? Maybe - but COME ON. What am I supposed to do? Drop a weight on a twinkie’s head?
As I went over to their website, I noticed they have received an award for One of Canada’s 50 Best Managed Companies. Ha!
Have you ever been ignored by a big company so blatantly? Sheesh.
Posted by Karen Sugarpants @
10:54 am |
